Revenge, Getting Back at The Bully Boss. By ABC


Revenge, Getting Back at The Bully Boss. (revised edition 5/13/08)

By ABC

I can tell by the search engine stats that my readers are interested in reading something about how to seek revenge against the workplace bully. How do you go about getting back at the workplace bully? A very common question. I have asked myself that very same question dozens of times. The last time was as recently as two weeks ago when a coworker was brutally emotionally bullied. Immediately after, with my outrage still fresh against this senselessness, I wanted more than anything, for the bully to feel the pain that she caused my coworker for no damn good reason at all! At least us victims of work place bullies have a fair reason to want to exact damage on our tormentors. Don’t we? Well yes, but if we intentionally do something that would cause the bully in our life emotional pain, wouldn’t that make us bullies too? Well yes, and that’s only one reason why us targets need to take the higher road.

Almost twenty years ago I learned something from a man named Roy Masters. He runs an organization called The Foundation of Human Understanding. He has always taught that people have a tendency to actually become what they resent. An example being, people who were molested as children have a greater tendency to become a child molester as an adult than someone who was not molested.

Just knowing of this tendency, to become what we resent, leaves me wanting to avoid it, simply by being mindful to do so. To learn more about this principle, and the fascinating teachings of Roy Masters, click on the link to Roy Master’s web site, which is on the blog roll, on the right side-bar of this page.

Another thing that must be considered is the level of pain that the average workplace bully is experiencing already, without our help. Have you ever spent time reading on the Internet about what are thought to be the motives of bullies, causing them to behave in this way? These people are really very mentally or emotionally disturbed individuals. Whether their destructive behaviors are symptoms of a physiological brain abnormality, or whether they are learned behaviors, either way, workplace bullies are not happy people. I suspect that although many of them are incapable of feeling empathy, that they do suffer a type of pain, a kind of pain that we are not familiar with. I believe this pain, this rage, that I have seen in a bully’s eyes, is what drives their destructive behaviors. I believe them to be in a very lonely, dismal place, and deserving of our pity and our prayers.

Although I don’t hesitate to defend myself against a bully, I have yet to utter a cruel lie against one or spread malicious, hateful rumors. It must be considered that it is precisely our reaction to a bully, that will fuel the fire or prove to extinguish it. A major bullying tactic is to provoke a target to anger, then use that angry episode as an example against the target. Being bullied by three different people, in a span of 32 years, I can tell you I reacted in every conceivable way possible. I found out along the way that certain behaviors or reactions are more advantageous than others.

When I was younger, and filled with youthful passion, the senselessness of bullying behavior made me nuts! This too, was way before learning about the phenomenon of workplace bullying and mobbing. When a target knows nothing about bullying and mobbing, the experience they find themselves in, makes no sense at all. It’s creates an emotional crisis, which the target has no experience with. The target may find it hard getting others to believe that their boss is out to destroy them, or to understand the depth of their concern, when accounts of the bully’s issues with the target, often seem rather trivial. And they are trivial. The complaints workplace bullies make against their targets ARE often trivial. The literature calls it “trivial fault finding”. In the United States where most people have never heard the terms “workplace bullying and mobbing”, even the target’s usual sources of support and guidence, often fall short of both understanding and of useful advice.

My less advantageous reactions were made during these early years before understanding the pheonmenon of work place bullying and mobbing. Lashing out angrily is the biggest mistake a target can make only fueling the fire. Don’t give the bully examples of all your negative behaviors. Your bully will use every negative comment against you.

Over the years I’ve come to a place of peace, with the fact of the existence of bullies. I’ve learned to become someone they can no longer provoke. I’ve learned that not reacting, keeps my bully from reacting. If my demeanor is calm and controlled, her’s is. Why? Bullies think in a competitive way. They are always comparing their behavior or performance with that of their target’s, or more importantly, the perception they believe others have. Knowing this, I think she is mindful to behave at least as well as I do. She wouldn’t want it said that I cope, perform or in some other way behave better than she does. Whatever the reason, it’s not really important. What’s important is realizing that my bully’s behavior often mirrors my own, and using that knowledge to my own advantage.

As I’ve matured over the years and through these experiences I’ve become more peaceful as I’ve become less fearful. I now know who they are and what they want. I know they are nothing more than big, bad, old bullies….and there’s nothing scary ’bout bullies no more… Live your life in happiness, and mean no one, no harm. That’s the best revenge there can ever be, is…living life well, despite the bullies… ABC

One Response to “Revenge, Getting Back at The Bully Boss. By ABC”

  1. Its funny, I was curious if there is such away to get even with a former employer with out getting myself into trouble.
    Someone that coldly swiped my life clean right out from under my feet instantly in a very cruel fashion. Ive been in the dark clueless sense, I will never forget or understand what took place. I was threatened and terrified into loosing my job.
    So angry, so grieving, so bitter, so violated, so much hate that I ever had in my life for a person, that I want revenge and feel I cant wait any longer.This is not the true me. This is not my character. At the same time I know that I cant carry this for the rest of my life but I feel the need to get back in such away that it does not cause me trouble or cost me money, like hiring a Attorney. Thats my issue Iam dealing at the moment.
    Its been 7months sense I lost my job. I knew he was preventing me from getting hired. He is fighting against unemployment compensation. So when a mother like me raising a daughter and almost came close to loosing my home and car, almost come close to having no electricity, water ect..Thats enough, I have an iron fist when my childs life is effected. No one takes from my childs life and thats the way I looked at it. I was happy, my daughter was happy.I had everything I was satisfied with in my life. Then suddenly someone can take all that away. How am I ever going to get an Attorney at this point in life when Iam still barely slowy getting back on my feet.? I hear a lot of ugly stories about people who try to fight legally and go through hell for it and could possibly loose more money. Even if I get on my feet eventualy it could take a while to hire an Attorney by then it will be too late. Iam mad and he needs to be sued for the pain, suffering & fear he caused me and my child and loss of money and for all the money I owe people and bills. I say at least 6 -8 thousand dollars.
    Now you see my point but I do see yours because Iam experienced with work place harrasment and my game was to not react, so they get angrier with themselves and I like to see them make a fool out of themselves. The best part of it all, it attracts an audience of glares from others who look at them like they are mentaly sick.
    So thats why I cant believe my behavior out of this. Its not me but I keep visualising this person having such a wonderfull, full filling life. Iam sure he is happy and he is rich. Has a happy family he can support very well. Everyday Iam feeling the need to do something to make him pay for what he put me and my child through.
    I just wanted you to know your website was the first one I clicked on too. I decided not to continue for others options of getting him back after I read this. Someone up there is telling me to keep staying the same person as I always was before I felt like this. Thats the person who Iam and is why I always had many consistant years with employers. I worked for this company for nine yrs except the last 2 of those nine yrs it was a different owner. Though, honestly I still wont forget what Iam still going through because of him. Naturely of course. Everyday is a reminder. Hopefully in time things will look up and maybe I wont care to think of him anymore or maybe there still might be a chance down the road if its not to late to get an attorney.
    Thankyou, Iam glad you were the first website I clicked on to. To remind me of who Iam and I realize I need to not to forget that. I realize he is still controling my life in such away because I let him get the best of me especialy my sanity but I know that if I continue this kind of behavior I could crack up and could damage my thinking process to keep moving forward in a possitive way.

    ——————————————————————————————–
    ABC replies;

    Dear Katie,
    Wow! I could feel the hate as you describe your bully boss! God Bless You! and thank you so much for sharing! I was hoping that somebody would comment on this article and I am so glad that you did! People who have never been bullied need to understand how brutally deep a bully can affect a target’s emotions. People need to understand that targets are in a position in which someone, the bully, is literally trying to destroy them. This deeply affects them.

    If you only read this one article, you may not know that I too, am a “target” of workplace bullying and mobbing and truly empathize with your experience. I too, was perfectly happy, in fact I loved my job, until my bully took all of it. First, everything at work, my management position, my professional reputation, relationships with coworkers and the opportunity to network and work together with colleagues. She even put barriers around my desk at one point, isolating me from coworkers, despite knowing that I am hearing impaired. She worsened my health and emotionally injured me, resulting in anxiety, depression, and PTSD. I had days when I literally went hungry, nearly losing my home to foreclosure, after being on a medical leave of absence for several months. I had become anxious and fearful that my bully boss would fire me without notice, or real cause, and that I would suddenly lose my disability and medical insurance benefits. The stress of all of this, spilled into every aspect of my life, and my marriage suffered horribly. I’ve cried buckets of tears, and lost or wasted so much, in so many ways, all at the hands of a workplace SERIAL bully boss. “Serial” meaning she repeatedly, first chooses, then abuses, then eliminates from the job, a “target”. My anger is therefore not only for myself, but for everyone else, who I’ve seen her abuse.

    There was a period of time many years ago, with a different bully, in which I even fantasized about shooting her through the window of her office, and getting away with the crime. One silent shot to the head. No pain, not even a moment of fear. I thought how generous I was being in my fantasy, by dispatching her painlessly.

    Even in my fantasies, I never really wanted to hurt her, or to hurt anyone for that matter. The difference being, is that people like you, and people like me, are just not bullies. It is not in our nature to be hateful to anyone, not even a bully. Live your life in happiness, and mean no one, no harm. That’s the best revenge there can ever be, is…living life well, despite the bullies…

    God bless you, and thank you for being you, and for not changing who you are, due to the influence of a workplace bully. ABC

  2. Read your response. Like I said, I never went on to look up things for revenge after reading that. I kind of got sick to my thoughts the way I was thinking. Here it is 7months later and every now and then I have a bad day and my reaction of thoughts automaticly kicks in anger and bitterness. Then I start to blame him and wish I could just make him realize what he has put me through. I know Iam not the only one that has problems, and I know that anger is really a waste of energy and has no use and never solves anything but causes more stress and is like carrying baggage through your life. I read so many books on stuff like that too. Why from time to time do I tend to forget or ignore the things I learned not just from reading but working for so many years of my life? I dont know but Iam glad I eventualy catch myself and realize its so childish.
    When I was looking the other day for revenge tactics I was looking for something that I can maybe put out in the media which would be true not lies anyways or some kind of blogs to complain about and to beware of his bussiness. Which would be all true too, hehe. Or something funny that who knows I might have regret it if I got carried away.
    So far Iam still fighting unemployment over him so I know he has to keep replying to them all the time.WEll that isnt really getting back, just a reminder for him everyday he is still dealing with me. I know I would never want to do anything illegal or harm no one. Its not in me. Sometimes I felt I never wanted to give up trying to find away to get back at him in the past first few months after loosing my job. So I tryed complaining to his headquarters, tryed to get help to investigate his bussiness through a news station, complained to the head office of unemployment, sent a complaint to civil rights organization. Guess what? no response. I thought these people must think iam nuts when I truly in my heart thought I had a case that should be looked into. I felt like a fool, like I must be a laughing stock here. I think that is what really got to me then. A couple months go by and again I get into one of my mood swings.
    I just do not think its right that an employer can all of a sudden decides to threaten you and fire you, scare you so much that Iam scared to trust working for anyone anymore. Its because I was not prepared to loose my job this way.So sudden and before you know it the unknown whats going to happen down the road is frightening. He was the only one I had a problem with. Everyone else, that is the employers, were all good people. I loved my job and the people that I worked with. My previous mannager was upset about the way the owner handled the situation with me. At the time he was at another location working while I was working with a manager in training at our location. The owner has severel bussinesses. Anyways he has done some sneaky underhanded things with both the manager and me. Like bouncing our pay checks and tryed to fight it. So sometimes I wished I never worked for him and wished I followed my instincts when I saw the first signs of feeling unconfortable about him and not trusting him. If I had followed those instincts and started looking for another job long ago maybe I would not be in this situation. Sometimes we cant see the future but its here and I just have to move on. I can wish I did this and done that and Its unfair and is not right. This is life and I need to get over it.
    So hey Iam feeling myself again to day and I have to say that so far I did make it this far and still have my home but still struggling slowly. Iam ok and I need to say that there are so many people right now that are out of jobs for one reason or another. Iam sure there are people who are worse off than me. So I do try to keep that in mind. Especialy after reading your website.
    Iam sorry for what you went through, similar to me. Nice to know that we are human and we are not the only ones that hurt right now and while we are healing others are going through their pain and turmoil. You been through alot it sounds like. Thankyou for sharing your experience. So keep your web site going you might be able to help someone again.

52 Responses

  1. My experience is with a boss who constantly attempts to diminish me in the presence of my co-workers. At times of ice-breakers in a staff meeting that requires each person’s verbal participation, she (an executive director of Human Resources) laugh at my statements loudly; even comments that are not funny she over-exaggerates in loud laughter. I continue in engaging my co-workers without showing a phased demeanor, but I find it rather degrading and disturbing that people that are looked up to, to direct and lead people in organizations result to demonic behavior. And while I recognize it as a Jezebel spirit, let’s face it even as a believer of Jesus Christ (as He suffered in the flesh), it can be offensive.

    • You bet it’s offensive! For a saint’s perspective, read my latest post “St.Bernadette, Bullied by Serial Bully Boss”. This IS spiritual warfare for sure! Your ability to respond, “without showing a phased demeanor”, is something that St.Bernadette was stellar at, and is the most affective way, to keep bullying to a minimum. That is, while you are looking for a better position! Bullies may back off, but they rarely give up. God Bless You, and every target of workplace bullies and their little mobs, ABC

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    • All comments are accepted unless they do not meet my comments policy.(See Policy, separate page). There has been occasion through the years, in which comments were changed to featured articles. An example are the “Fresh Perspective” articles written by Patrick Mania. His articles continue to be very popular. So, write a comment under one of the articles on this website which most closely matches the subject matter you’re interested in writing more about. If it’s really good, I’ll first ask your permission, before making your comment a featured article. It is important that you know however, that you will never receive financial compensation. This website is offered by WordPress free of charge, however only WordPress can profit from advertizing that they, not me, add to the site. So, let’s see what you have to say! Don’t forget to leave me your email address. Thanks for the offer, ABC

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