Patrick Maina - Positive Words of Encouragement
Life After Office Mobbing – A Fresh Perspective.
By Patrick Maina
Article Commentary by ABC
HAPPY NEW YEAR! Here is an excellent idea for your 2009 New Year’s Resolution: Resolve to channel the energy of your anger against bullies into positive action this year. Read the four step plan below and learn how you can fulfill your destiny and win the war of life despite lost battles. Do you have a bigger purpose in life? Read about this and more in the following article written by Patrick Maina, a reader of this weblog. Patrick originally wrote this article as a “comment” in response to the article “Revenge, Getting Back at The Bully Boss”. With Patrick’s permission, I am presenting his “comment” as a feature article to insure that all my readers can easily find his words. Patrick has a very positive perspective, that I wouldn’t want anyone to miss. Read “Author’s Bio” at the end of his article to read more about Patrick.
Patrick Maina, on December 31st, 2008 at 9:33 am Said:
Fellow Victims,
Revenge against past bullies will only consume your remaining energy and possibly backfire to hurt you or your family even more. You will learn nothing from revenge – hence you will still be open to future attacks from smarter, wealthier and more powerful mobs or bullies.
That said, don’t suppress or deny your anger. List all the accusations on paper. It’s painful – but list them all. Let the anger grow inside you. Feel it. Let it burn inside you. How could they even dare say what they said? You want to do something, anything to make them pay – right? You feel energized – right? GOOD. Keep reading.
NOW channel all that energy to positive action that will benefit YOU. Yes, that’s right, action that will result in something good for you.
First make a plan:
1. Keep that list of false accusations somewhere you can see it every day. It’s going to be your source of “fire”.
2. Take stock of your positive things and your strengths. Don’t look at negatives – you’ve had enough already. Try and think beyond your career. Are you good at organizing parties (Event management)? did you successfully juggle a job, motherhood, marriage/boyfriend (Time management skills!)? Have you raised children who are on their way to success (leadership / mentoring / counseling skills) etc…
3. What do you really enjoy doing? Is it related to your past job? Most people are extremely adept when it comes to their hobbies. What they don’t know is that others can pay for their skills! Can you bake a pie like no one else? Are you into Art? Can you sing? etc. Losing a job can be an OPPORTUNITY to do what you love!
4. Still prefer employment? Update your CV and make it a daily Job to find a Job. i.e. get up every morning and spend 8 hours looking for a job. Every day. Try freelance and short term assignments in related areas. It doesn’t have to be the job you used to do.
Example: As someone who has been bullied before, I am contemplating doing seminars about the effect of bullying to HR managers. You could team up with a professional speaker and be the “walking case study”.
Remember, what doesn’t destroy you only makes you stronger!
In strategy, a good general can differentiate between a battle and a war. You can lose a battle – and still win the war. Focus on the war (your life) and learn from the lost battle (your lost job).
Historically some of the greatest people on earth were victims of bullying or mobbing. Jesus Christ was mobbed and crucified – and he was God’s son. Moses had to run from Egypt after confronting a bully. Daniel was sexually harassed and thrown into jail on false accusations. Job was bullied and harassed by Satan. Noah was ridiculed and psychologically harassed when he built the ark.. the list is endless!
Yet these “victims” were great people specially chosen by God for a BIGGER PURPOSE IN LIFE. They lost many small battles – but eventually, they won the WAR.
Channel the anger and hate into positive action. They wanted to shatter your confidence – be MORE CONFIDENT THAN EVER! They suggested you are incompetent – be even BETTER at what you do. Never put yourself down.
One day, after you fulfill your destiny, you will look back and realize that despite losing many battles.. you WON the war… and ultimately, that’s what really counts.
Do you like what you just read? Do you agree with the suggestions? Good. Now, don’t start immediately. Treat yourself to a HOLIDAY for the next 3 days – starting tomorrow. Spend time with you and your closest loved ones. Doesn’t have to involve spending. Quality time is what matters. even reading your favorite book or arranging your favorite flowers or playing music… Just forget your troubles and enjoy like never before. Soldiers do this before battle.
Then on 4th Jan., wake up early and start working on your plan for WINNING the war! It will be hard – but as long as you have your list of “accusations” every morning, you will have some fire to channel to positive action in your life.
God Bless!
Author’s bio and more thoughts from Patrick Maina
Patrick Maina is East African, born, raised and educated in Kenya. His interests include reading useful non-fiction books, software enginering, electronics, watching movies with intelligent/unpredictable plots, African theatre, danceable music, dance, media production, travel, nature, hanging out with friends….and so on.
He does not describe himself in terms of his profession. This is deliberate, he explains by writing, “Many people allow their professions to define who they are and their worth in society. This self-labeling is the biggest mistake someone can make. Bullies are aware if this and thats why they easily humiliate people. The bully/mob uses the victim’s career/job as ammunition for his sadistic goals – to crush the victim PERSONALLY.
If you believe *and know* that your job only represents 1% of WHO YOU ARE and what you are WORTH, most of the bully/mob tactics will just “bounce off” you with little or no effect.”
More Thoughts – Patrick writes;
Several times I have been asked to “prove myself” to a new internal customer who doubts my capabilities. Hmmm… Reasons for doubting? Well.. it’s just a gut feeling he/she has that I might not deliver hence he/she is not comfortable with me on the driving seat…
Wow.
Apparently, passing my interview, having a solid track record within the organization, and consistently delivering all my earlier projects on time, within budget and to expected quality levels, does not count to some people.
Cheers!
Patrick.
Filed under: 7. Life After Office Mobbing - A Fresh Perspective | Tagged: A Fresh Perspective, bigger purpose in life, channel the anger, confidence, don't deny anger, feel energized, fulfill your destiny, make them pay, mobbing, office mobbing, positive action, revenge against bullies, revenge may backfire, revenge will consume your remaining energy, win the war, workplace mobbing, you learn nothing from revenge
Hi, I have found your remarks to be personal to me. I have been bullied close to nine years.. have moved from one location to another in state government.. my bully’s remarks and thoughts have come to me
again to my my new place of business after 5 years of no torment.. again different people same actions… I have so much anger built inside and I don’t know what to do …I want to fix and make it right try to repair and know the situation is far out of my reach.. new friends come and go. No one to trust .. just keep on managing and running a great intact department… no one to talk to again I am the target.. I car pool with the second in command and even he after 5 years is now is managing all the management staff to be bullies towards me.. how can this happen? Funny I was in church the other day and was thinking of Jesus Christ being bullied as well as I and not that we are the same but did experience bullies.. I have 5 years to retirement and then I will retire and work somewhere else.. I always wanted to work more longer but no longer. The bully has won in this area but I will succeed here or at another location with a different company. I have anxiety and trauma… and I will fight for me the bully will not destroy me, or my life… I will win!
Hi Patrick, thank you for writing such an inspiring article. You probably recognise that the effects of a severe mobbing attack never truly leave its victims. Thank you for channeling that anger and frustration into something constructive. Yes, mobbing victims must and will win the war. Let us fight on!
I endured two years of bullying and mobbing at my last place of employment. What was especially hurtful about the abuse was the fact that at the same I was being tormented at work, two close family members (brother and grandmother) were dying-and my supervisor knew about it, yet continued his misconduct. Worst of all, I worked for one of the largest funeral and cemetery providers, an organization that supposedly is all about compassion. Well, they had none for me. I now suffer from PTSD, and have tried to commit suicide twice. I hope that I will win the war, but I doubt it.
Dear Mary,
I am so sorry that you were subjected to the abuse of the worst kind of workplace bully that there is. The very worst workplace bullies are the ones who quite literally want to kill you! Your first suicide attempt showed your bully that you are prone to reacting in that way. Knowing this about you, the bullying incident that preceded your second suicide attempt was literally PREMEDITATED ATTEMPTED MURDER! Bullies such as these, are extremely DANGEROUS! You refer to this employer in the past tense, so I am assuming that you either work some place else or are not working at all. The fact that you are alive and no longer working in this extremely dangerous environment, shows that you won this battle. I am perplexed by your comment about “doubting” you will win the war. I am curious to know exactly what you mean by that. Can you elaborate either in another comment? or if you want to keep your response private, email me @ abcbullynomore@aol.com
It may seem impossible to recover from such horrific circumstances, but being the target of premeditated attempted murder is not something you can easily just forget about. Take it one day at a time and trust your perceptions about these incidents. It’s often hard for others to believe the seriousness of what you have been through. Most normal people would ask, why would someone behave in this way? not understanding psychopaths or sociopaths don’t think like the rest of us. It’s my hope that you receive the support that you need and learn how to – Recognize it, Name it and End workplace bullying and mobbing, in all your future employment experiences. ABC
I never experienced Mobbing until I joined and worked for a larger company. I’m a Christian, so Patrick’s article is a nice, fresh perspective. There is definitely a spiritual battle going on through Mobbing.
While the Mobbing, is not currently active for me. I’ve been keeping my head low. Through all this, despite the pain, I have thanked God for the experience, although I don’t know how he is going to use it on or through me. Lately, I have been feeling the pains deeply. This article helps me to see the spiritual perspective on how God might use the experiences I’ve been through. I’m here to serve God and Glorify Him in all that I do.
I thank God for you and your article.
Denise