By ABC

Have you ever noticed a little smile sweep across your bully’s face just at the moment when you couldn’t feel more infuriated?  Well if you have, you are right.  “Real” Bullies, and by that, I mean bullies with a level of psychopathy, also referred to as sociopathy…

“gain satisfaction through

antisocial behavior”, characterized by an abnormal lack of empathy combined with strongly amoral conduct but masked by an ability to appear outwardly normal” -
-quoted from Wikipedia at this link:    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychopathy#Perceptual.2Femotional_recognition_deficits

Although this resource uses the word “satisfaction” to describe

what  “a psychopath gains through their antisocial behavior”, it is an entirely different kind of  “satisfaction” than both defined and  experienced by most of us.  “A bully’s satisfaction” is a perverse form of satisfaction,  being malicious in nature, rather than joyful or positive, as defined in English dictionaries.

There is actually no English word which links personal “satisfaction” to another person’s misfortune or harm.  Such a word doesn’t exist, because most people, are incapable of thinking in those terms, while denying the existence of the  few, who do.  Some languages acknowledge those few, having words for them, like the German word;

“Schadenfreude”

–noun
satisfaction or pleasure felt at someone else’s misfortune.
Dictionary.com Unabridged
Based on the Random House Dictionary, © Random House, Inc. 2011.

————————————————————————-

— n
delight in another’s misfortune

[German: from Schaden  harm + Freude  joy]
Collins English Dictionary – Complete & Unabridged 10th Edition
2009 © William Collins Sons & Co. Ltd. 1979, 1986 © HarperCollins
Publishers 1998, 2000, 2003, 2005, 2006, 2007, 2009

————————————————————————-

“What a fearful thing is it that any language should have a word expressive of the pleasure which men feel at the calamities of others; for the existence of the word bears testimony to the existence of the thing. And yet in more than one such a word is found. … In the Greek epikhairekakia,  in the German, ‘Schadenfreude.’ “

As quoted by Richard C. Trench, “On the Study of Words,” 1852

So there it is!  “Such a thing exists”, two languages having words, thereby “bearing testimony to the existence of the thing”, namely, “a bully’s satisfaction”, words of my own, for lack of a more fitting,

Image via Wikipedia

existing, English word.

“Schadenfreude” – “A bully’s satisfaction” – Remember the meaning well, if not the word(s), because the meaning does exists, even where a word for it does not, in the memory of many who have witnessed it.  Only some cultures, witnessing it enough,  to name it.

I wonder if the Germans came up with this word, before or after the Holocaust?

Image via Wikipedia

Adult Bullying in The Wake of The Tucson Shootings. By ABC

In the wake of the Tucson shootings, “adult bullying” in the United States has finally come forward as a recognizable topic in the media.  Although greatly misunderstood, and called by many other names, the issue of “adult bullying” is now a hot topic of public interest, with multimedia coverage and information sweeping across the nation daily.

President Obama has called for “Civility” in “political rhetoric”.  All sides are standing-down, putting their political agendas on hold, while the bullying behaviors of the political machine, continues to spin unabated and unrecognized as “bullying tactics”.  All the while, an entire nation of bystanders, watching, but not really seeing, that those hoping to gain, by pointing the finger of blame, are at the very core, of all that is wrong, when adults bully other adults.

“Adult bullying” is primarily about perception.  The “adult bully”, by this I mean a person with a level of “psychopathy”, is centered on how they are perceived and compared to, by others. Using tactics such as blame, twisted or half-truths, innuendo, gossip and lies, they are expert manipulators of people’s perception, capable of throwing an adversary’s character into doubt, while elevating their own political, social, or professional standing.

Firmly rooted in reality, able to reason, cope and distinguish the difference between right and wrong,  adult bullies, while having a level of psychopathy, mimic the normal behavior of others, and are not considered mentally ill in the usual sense of the word. These “successful psychopaths” have the appearance of emotional health, while having a diminished or absent ability to experience caring feelings for other people, instead, experiencing a type of satisfaction, with the misfortunes of others.  Our social denial, that people with such serious hidden flaws, really exists, and are a real threat in our day-to-day lives, adds to the prevalence and success of adult bullies, to do harm everywhere.

Can you spot the adult bully(ies), I mean the REAL bully(ies), with a level of psychopathy in this controversy? Here’s a hint; It’s not Sarah Palin.

Learn to Recognize it, Name it and End Adult Bullying and Mobbing Together!

How Can I Stop A Workplace Bully?

Anonymous, on October 20, 2010 at 3:43 AM Said:

Hi I am being bullied by my area manager , I am so stresses idont know what to do or who to go to for help .I cant really pin point what it is that she is doing but she makes me uncomfortable and I am constantely waiting for something to expload .My co worker and myself used to enjoy going to work , work was our second home ,the people their are our family ,we have worked there together for the past 13 yrs and this is the first time we feel stressed to go to work not knowing what is going to happen.we fee lshe wants to get rid of us as we have been there for too long, infact this is what I am hearing from other managers.how can Istop this.

ABC’S Reply

Dear anonymous,

In answer to your question -  By the time a person begins to realize that they have become the target of a real workplace bully, it is already, almost impossible to stop it!

When I first learned that I was a target of  a  “workplace serial bully boss”, the literature I came across, only gave targets like me, a 20% chance of keeping their jobs, while an estimated 80%, lost their jobs within two years.  Now, after reading hundreds, perhaps even thousands of articles, target and observers accounts, together with my own observations including the loss of my own job to bullying, I find these estimates to be optimistic at best.

I was devastated by these dismal statistics but was determined to keep the  job that I both loved and excelled in for over 25 years.  Knowledge is power as they say, which led to an almost obsessive desire to find, read and understand everything I could find on the bullying/mobbing phenomenon, fully believing, that once I understood it, I could beat it.

I learned that Real Bullies, are literally compelled to destroy their targets, due to a level of psychopathy (also called sociopathy).  They are not just arrogant and rude, but are hateful,  incapable of empathy and  normal caring emotions for others.

ABC, please post a reply and tell us, your followers, how you are doing, or if there is ANYTHING we can do to help you. I don’t even mind calling you. Honestly, your blog has saved countless numbers from more serious consequences from these psychopathic bullies. The serial kind is the MOST dangerous. We care about you…. please post a reply.

ABC Replies,

-Blind-sided by bullying professionals while seeking help with post-bullying job loss recovery-

Dear Readers,

Thanks to all my readers for all the encouraging words after my posting that I finally lost my job at the hands of my workplace serial bully boss.  I want everyone to know that I am feeling better and better each day, by the passage of time and by the support from all of you, my readers, my spouse and the guidance of the Holy Spirit.

It is also a comfort to know that the anti-workplace bullying and mobbing movement, is gaining momentum in the United States due the tireless efforts of dozens of anti-bullying activists, blogs and support groups, growing in numbers every day, the understanding needed, that will one day make it possible, for all working Americans;  To Recognize it, Name it, and End Workplace Bullying and Mobbing Together!

My journey through this experience has put me in a  position to learn more than I ever wanted to know, about the devastating effects of  “workplace bullies” and the “mobbing” behaviors caused by their influence and manipulation of others. This continues to play itself out, presenting a much bigger picture, in ways I never expected, as I go about the business of recovery.

Now, safely separated from the abuses of my workplace serial bully boss, I have been blind-sided by the final brutal tactics of my employer, the company itself, as represented by the Human Resource Department, in the course of the actual legal separation, from my 30 year employment with them.

As is the case with most any type of abusive relationship, my employer has taken steps to insure my silence, having successfully cornered me into a position commonly referred to as “between a rock and a hard place”, leaving little choice, but to sign their papers of “agreement”. My signature, a representation of being silenced by poverty and fear, the document being specifically inclusive of the agreement itself, and everything that preceded it. The signature representing the company itself, a representation of the management’s  knowledge, that even their own written words of  “agreement”  if published, would not be perceived as agreeable by others.  The seal of their abuse,  the requirement of my silence, and made evident by a truth I think most everyone can agree upon, that being;  Gag clauses exist for only two reasons, 1) National security.  2) To hide the truth!

I was then doubly blind-sided by bullying behaviors from 3 different psychiatric professionals I sought help from.  Additionally, being unwittingly brushed off by an employment attorney, followed by denials of my claims for continuation of first short-term, then long-term disability insurance coverage, provided by my employer.

This was all very perplexing to me.  Once again, I found myself  doubting my own perceptions, which lengthened my silence.  Having come to realize, I needed a deeper, more global understanding of the bullying phenomenon, now experienced outside the workplace, as well as needing certainty about my own perceptions, through meditation.

Unprepared to face bullying, called “psychopathy”, outside the workplace arena, I was initially blinded to that possibility as the reason that the 3 different psychiatrists, discarded my stated emotional injuries due to workplace bullying.  Instead, each concluded that I am “seriously mentally ill”, each very confident, about the widely varied diagnosis, they each came up with.  Each also, denied having previous knowledge of the workplace bullying and mobbing phenomenon, a concept which none of them seemed willing to look into, despite my insistence that this was central to my issue.

Their responses similarly hostile in their delivery, left me freshly stunned, the second, and then the third time, as if experienced for the first time. Finally, I came to realize, the similarity of their tactics, were more than just coincidence!

Finding through my research that this is a common problem among recovering targets, it didn’t take long for me to realize, that I missed the hallmark of bullies where ever they may hide. That being the similarities of their tactics, none of which makes sense to the sane.  Why would a psychiatrist, take a hostile stance while telling a seriously mentally ill patient their diagnosis, rather than coax them into the treatment they need? It just doesn’t make sense, a hallmark of bullying behaviors, for sure.

Stumbling across 3 psychopathic psychiatrists in a row, seemed statistically impossible and was hard to get past logically, but is actually easier than I thought, and even easier to explain, given the more global perspective, my research on “psychopathy” in society revealed.

This information, vital to all targets in the vulnerable, final stages, of a workplace bullying and mobbing campaign, will follow soon. In the mean time, recovering targets should take extra care to only seek bullying/mobbing related professional help, from professionals who already have an understanding of the bullying and mobbing phenomenon, and that psychiatrist, additionally, be recommended, by someone who really knows them.

Readers can help in the fight against workplace bullying and mobbing, by reaching out and teaching as many people as you can, about the phenomenon, and the devastating effects on targets and observers  everywhere.  Sharing your bullying stories, questions and comments on this website, is also a great help. The varying perspectives add a diverse quality to the content of the subject matter discussed.  So thanks again for the all the comments and well wishes, and please keep them coming!,

Let’s end it together!,

ABC

I finally lost my job at the hands of my workplace serial bully boss, leaving at the end of November, after being accused of incompetence, based on uncompleted data entry, while working alone on a holiday.  Everything possible that could go wrong, did go wrong on that day, probably the worst day of my entire career.  I worked 11 hours that day, without a break or a meal despite being physically ill with a raging sore throat.

I called the office early the next morning reaching a coworker, and described the problems of the previous day, including how long I had worked.  I told her I would be late, being both exhausted and ill.  As soon as I arrived, I was called to Human Resources, where my bully boss was waiting, with a Human Resource Rep., having been found guilty before I could speak.   Detailing everything that went wrong, made no difference at all, having no witness to attest to my efforts.   She then added to her complaint, my arrival being late, while knowing I worked late and was ill.  Her total lack of empathy,  and disregard for my health, suddenly filled me with a chill, which grew into a fear, by the hate in her voice, thinking her capable of ending my life.  Stating I no longer felt safe, being expected to work ill, I finally left, never returning to my desk.

I had a horrible time with my bully boss for months prior to leaving my job which took a toll on my emotional and physical health.  For the first time in my life, I began having panic attacks, making my mind go blank, leaving me unable to respond to questions.

Since leaving my job, I feel utterly lost and physically and emotionally ill.  I never fully researched recovery after losing a job to bullying, feeling confident that my knowledge of the subject would be enough to protect my emotional and physical health and  prevent losing my job. How wrong I was!

Being a nurse, I logically concluded that I needed psychiatric treatment to help with my recovery, but after being evaluated by 3 different psychiatrists, I feel totally betrayed by that profession. NONE of them ever heard of workplace bullying and none of them seemed willing to take a few moments to look at my website or any other source of information on the subject. All three concluded that I was mentally ill, not emotionally injured, each labeling me with a different diagnosis.

The lessons learned;

-No matter how much you know about the phenomenon of workplace bullying and mobbing, it is almost impossible to make it stop and keep your job.

-Never seek  medical, psychiatric or legal help, for issues related to workplace bullying, from a professional who doesn’t already have an understanding of the phenomenon of workplace bullying and mobbing.

Being “emotionally stuck”, as one reader described it, I have been at a loss for words, leaving me unable to add new content to this website for several months.  But the passage of time in it’s self, is slowly improving my outlook, so keep coming back,  new content will follow soon, most likely about the subject of recovery after job loss due to bullying.

ABC

-See the Comment below, a MUST READ from Teana, a reader of this blog who wrote in response to my article,   -ABOUT-ABC-

Comment:

I HAVE CONTACTED MY LEGISLATURES VIA EMAIL, SO FAR NO ONE HAS RESPONDED. AS A LAST RESORT I SENT LETTERS TO THEIR HOMES ASKING FOR SUPPORT BY SPONSORING AN WORKPLACE BULLYING BILL, SINCE THIS TOPIC HAS BEEN BROUGHT UP FOR YEARS AND KNOW ONE PUSHED THE ISSUE OUR GOVERNMENT NEVER ADDRESSED IT OR GAVE IT ANY SERIOUS ATTENTION. I HAVE AN ANTI BULLYING CAMPAIGN POST ON CHANGE.ORG UNDER  THE CRIMINAL JUSTICE TAB BECAUSE A LOT OF THE BULLYING WE HAVE ENDURED IS A CRIMINAL OFFENSE. AGAIN I ASK EVERYONE TO CONTACT THE LEGISLATURES AND LETS COLLABORATE TO BRING AWARENESS AND HELP EACH OTHER.

Comment by ABC

Let’s join Teana and write to  our legislatures today!

Spread the word about workplace bullying and mobbing !  It is my hope that one day,  all working Americans will know enough about Workplace Bullying and Mobbing – To Recognize it, Name it, and END Workplace Bullying and Mobbing Together!   ABC – AntiBullyingCrusador

“Workplace Bullying and Mobbing” – A Common News Topic That is Rarely Called What it is.    Let’s Call it What it is

– Workplace Bullying and Mobbing-

Dear Readers,

Below is the beginning of an article, followed by a link to the entire article, titled “Is The Latino Affairs Commission a Soap Opera?” .  This article was published on September 13, 2009, in Connecticut’s largest, and the country’s oldest newspaper, The Hartford Courant.   The story describes the drama of a classic “workplace bullying and mobbing” campaign, unfolding within a government agency, which is then referred to as a “soap opera”.

“Soap Opera” is truly a fitting description for the antics of a workplace bully boss and the bully boss’s little mob, as they go about the business of destroying the most competent members of their staff.  This being a means of effectively eliminating the appearance of their own incompetence, by removing the competent basis of comparison, that bully bosses perceive as a threat.

The drama and high emotion elicited by the bully boss’s tactics of lies, and manipulation of coworkers against their targets, over ridiculous, seemingly trivial matters, is very much the stuff that soap operas are made of. Stories such as this, are published on a regular basis,  drawing the attention of readers to the human interest aspect of these stories, which are often quite literally, unbelievable.

Although Connecticut has a “Bullybusters” group, legislation has been proposed, and articles have been published on this subject, the words “workplace bullying and mobbing” are rarely, if ever used in articles that describe it.  As a result, most people in Connecticut have never even heard of “workplace bullying and mobbing” although have probably either read about it, experienced it or observed it themselves.

Read the article below, a truly prime example of “workplace bullying and mobbing”, then my commentary below it.   ABC

GOVERNMENT WATCH

Is Latino Affairs Commission A Soap Opera?

Twelve months of turmoil have plagued the state’s Latino and Puerto Rican Affairs Commission, and it won’t let up.

First, the commission drew protests in September 2008 when it voted to fired its longtime director, Fernando Betancourt, then backed off on that, and finally negotiated a separation agreement with him two months later.

http://www.courant.com/news/politics/hc-government-watch-jon-lender-0913-column,0,3658764.column

Comment by ABC (published on the on-line edition of The Hartford Courant) 

 

The story above is a classic case of “Workplace Bullying and Mobbing”.  Few people in Connecticut know of this very common phenomenon which infects many of our workplaces.  At it’s very worse, workplace bullying and mobbing may result in an abused worker “going postal” or committing suicide, which sadly, most Connecticut workers have at least heard of.  More commonly, bullying and mobbing in our workplaces results in depression, anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder, high blood pressure and numerous other emotional injuries and stress related physical abnormalities. Once chosen as a “target” of a workplace bully, 80% are eliminated from their workplace within two years. Being a phenomenon, “Workplace bullying and mobbing” is predictable and easily recognized by those who have an understanding of this very complex and difficult to believe problem. It is likely the largest hidden expense in business today and when government agencies are involved, that means increased taxes. When words like “rumors”, “gossip”, threatened”, “intimidated” unprofessional”, “turmoil”, “crying” and “lied about” are used to describe a workplace, look for a “workplace bully” and their little “mob” of supporters. It’s my hope that one day all working Americans will know enough, to Recognize it, Name it, and End Workplace Bullying and Mobbing Together! ABC

Below is an edited comment written by an anonymous  reader of this website..  Read this very positive comment in black type, then my response below in red type. Thank you “anonymous” for the compliments, but there is a bit more you need to understand. ABC

I was accused several times a day of wasting his money and being unproductive after months of this the attacks escalated to insults, mocking, his favorite insult was the slang word for the female reproductive organ ( the P word)!!!! . after almost a year of this, I was losing weight, losing sleep and losing my mind!!!.
I may have unknowingly called him to task ( this is before I found your site and realized exactly what was happening) I went in and said to him ” if I’m not making you any money why do you keep me here???” and guess what, he had no answer!!!! now the attacks have stopped since he gets NO reaction from me(something I learned thanks to ABC’s website!!) I now realize that I am good at what I do, if I were not he would fire me. so anyone who is being bullied at work keep your head up and press on, there is hope!! my boss is the owner of the company, there is nobody above him but by following what I learned on this site I was able to stop the bullying!!! thank you for enlightening me ABC, you truly are a an answered prayer.

-ABC’s reply to Anonymous-

Dear Anonymous,

Thank you for the compliments.  Knowledge is power as they say and many targets see improvements in their situations once they gain an understanding of the workplace bullying and mobbing phenomenon.

Understanding that targets are chosen by bullies because of their positive attributes which bullies perceive as threatening, is a relief to know alone.  Then, experiencing results by “not reacting” to bullying behavior, gives a target the false impression that they have this problem licked.  But not so fast, it’s time to take pause, and learn a bit more.

Once a bully, always a bully.  Although bullies may have periods in which they take extra care to suppress their bullying behavior, they are still bullies and will always feel compelled to behave like bullies.

Once a target always a target.  Although the bully may back off and choose another target, your positive attributes are something that will continue to be very irritating to the bully.  It is important to know that even if your bully stops bullying you, you will always be vulnerable for a second strike by this same bully sometime in the future.

Always watch your back, and never trust this bully again.  It is hard for some targets to truly understand how likely it is that their bully may strike again.  Being back in the fold of their bully’s good graces, and again being included and spoken to by coworkers, feels so good.  The longer the bully backs off, the more confident the target feels, that all is well.  Their perception of the now past bullying and mobbing campaign, seems almost unreal.  The target  may think that this past episode was just a phase, or something they exaggerated in their mind.

Think again!  I am experiencing a second strike myself right now, after being essentially bully free for several months.   This is something I knew would happen, although the longer I was bully free, the easier it was for me to begin to doubt my perceptions.

Simply trying to correct my bully boss’s incorrect understanding about a detail of the process and flow of our work, was enough to put me back into primary target mode.

Once again, my bully boss and her little mob resumed all of their bullying and mobbing tactics leaving me singled out, isolated and emotionally and physically devastated.

Don’t kid yourself!  If your bully boss should back off, chances are it will not last.   Take this time to make as much money as you can while you find another job with a boss who will treat you with the respect that you deserve.

ABC

ABC – AntiBullyingCrusador wrote on Jun 28, 2009 12:41 PM:

–Quote from article;

–Whatsoever you write, or paint, or play or sing, or build, no one will strive to surpass or to slander you unless your work be stamped with the seal of genius--

The quote from the article above is very true, but it’s important to know that those “stamped with the seal of genius” attract negative attention from only a small percentage of people, those with emotional or personality disorders such as Narcissisim.

Emotionally healthy people applaud the successes of others and feel honored to work with and learn from those whose talents and abilities surpass their own.

Then there are the “Narcissists” and people with other emotional and mental disorders who react as if threatened by those who excel.

When in positions of authority in our workplaces, these people may take on the role of a “workplace serial bully boss”. “Workplace bullies” feel threatened by good performers, because it increases their own feelings of inadequacy and shame. Bullies can’t stand to see someone other then themselves shine.

It’s important for “leaders” and those who are highly talented and productive in our workplaces, to understand that negative attention related to their successes, is not a normal response and should not be thought of as something to expect, as a “penalty of leadership”.

Instead, it should be recognized as a red flag that there is something very wrong with the culture of the workplace, known as “the phenomenon of workplace bullying and mobbing”.

All working Americans should learn to recognize it, name it and end workplace bullying and mobbing together!  ABC

Comments

GoodLeadership wrote on Jun 28, 2009 8:33 PM: Excellent!! I urge you to distribute your document to all corporate and military leaders. This needs the widest dissemination.

One of the readers of this website left a comment saying that they mentioned my website on an anti-bullying website called “Workrant.com”.   There’s some really funny stuff that people write on this website that really lightens up the subject and will get you laughing your head off.   So if you are in the mood for a good laugh, click on the link below.  Scroll down to “Clarissa” to read the mention of this website.       ABC
http://www.workrant.com/

Tactics, The Bully Boss’s First Brutal Tactic

by ABC – AntiBullyingCrusador

Do you think you may be a “target” of a “workplace bully?”  If so, you probably are and I would like to offer my congratulations!  First I will explain how you can tell for sure, then I’ll explain why this can be thought of as a event to celebrate.

The most amazing thing about workplace bullies is the similarities of their tactics.  I was so perplexed  by this at first.  As I met one bully after another through my first decade of employment, I came to realize that although the bullies I encountered, didn’t know each other, or have any other shared history, it seemed as though they did.

That’s a hallmark of a workplace bully, the similarities of their tactics. It seems as though these people are some how related to each other or went to a class to learn the art of workplace bullying.  Once you know one bully and understand the “workplace bullying and mobbing phenomenon”, you’ll be prepared for the next one.

Targets usually come to the realization that they are being faced with a serious problem on their job, when the bully boss suddenly turns against them after an initial period of being very nice.  One author described this as the “honeymoon phase”.  Targets are often treated so nicely at first, that they feel favored.   This tactic gives targets a false sense of security and potential with increasingly high expectations for the future on their job and with this boss.  This first tactic or maybe I should say “attack”, is especially brutal for a number of reasons and intentionally made so by the bully.

The way serial bully bosses get to know their intended next targets are similar to how a serial killer stalks their intended next victim.  Both the killer and the bully need to know their intended target/victim’s weaknesses.  What are their vulnerabilities?  How will the predator snare the prey into their traps.   Bully bosses focus in on their intended target’s emotional vulnerabilities.  They are expert at feigning shared values and encourage emotional intimacy.  The unsuspecting target responds to this by sharing everything the bully needs to know to take them down.

This very first tactic is the most difficult for many.  It was for me.   Suddenly being turned against by someone you thought favored you is very confusing.  Why would someone do that?  It just doesn’t make sense.  The pure insanity of the usually ridiculous accusations that these bully bosses come up with, are yet another hallmark of what targets can expect.   Accusations are rarely related to the bottom line, which is productivity, or numbers of completed tasks and quality of those completed tasks.  Instead, accusations are related to a target’s appearance, mannerisms and vague references to interactions with others.  Examples or concrete evidence of real work deficiencies are rarely produced and when they are, are exaggerated, twisted and taken out of context.  A bully boss will never tell a target who made the accusations because the accusations were never made!

In fact, any talk about the  job performance of a target by others, is most likely very positive.  I know this about targets because of what motivates bullies in the first place. Bullies are compelled to behave this way because of physical or emotional mental disorders.  Some bullies have personality disorders, which are abnormal physical differences in their brains when compared to a normal brain. These physical abnormalities rob them of their empathy and their ability to think in ways that most of us do. Other bullies had harsh childhoods leaving them with feelings of inadequacy and shame.  A subordinate’s good work performance will gain the attention of a bully who has fears that their own inadequacies will become more evident to others by the bases of comparison.

It’s amazing how consistent bullies are in this respect as well.   They consistently choose the best people on their staff to target.   Through the past few years I have read hundreds of  emails, comments, and questions from targets of workplace bullies.  The targets that I have interacted with, consistently and just about always, seem solid and intelligent in the way they express themselves.   You would think that a web site about bully bosses would get all kinds of angry, disgruntled, stupid comments and  responses.  It has NEVER happened, can you believe it?

Bullies are also thought to feel satisfaction or some kind of pleasure when they elicit a troubled emotional response from their targets.  If you think you detected a little smile on your bully’s face during a confrontation, you are right.   The bully is literally happy that they were able to upset you.

It is not possible to reason with a bully about any of the issues or accusations that they make.  It is not their intention to resolve issues.  Their intention is to drag the target into battle with them in order to subjugate, control, then force them out of their jobs.  No amount of effort on the target’s part will change the bully’s behavior.

Trying to work around the bully by reporting bullying behaviors to superiors or to Human Resources are also usually a wasted effort as the bully’s ability to convincingly deceive the perception of others is expert.  The denial by their supporters is deep.

Workplace bullies are dangerous to the emotional and physical health of every target they choose.  Whenever faced with danger it is always logical to put distance between you and the source of the danger.  Whenever possible, the best advise is to  QUIT THAT JOB !!   But hold on just long enough to find yourself another job.

The best way to hang on to a job until better options are found is to NOT REACT to anything the bully says or does.  This takes the joy and fun out of bullying.  The second thing targets should be mindful of is being especially kind and helpful to coworkers.  Never badmouth your bully boss.   Instead, show concern and seem perplexed by bullying behaviors.  It’s really tough for a bully boss to take down a well liked employee.

Lucky for you if your bully writes down a lot of their insanity in emails they send to you.   Many bullies favor the use of email in which to harass their targets with.  This is referred to as “cyber-bullying”.   If your bully uses email, forward all of the emails to your home computer.  On your home PC add in a comment section at the bottom, then document details of the incident that the email refers to.  Doing this keeps things sane for me.  Every time I look over the emails and my added comments, I validate to myself how real and how crazy this stuff is.  Unfortunately, not many people have an understanding of how devastating workplace bullying can be but sharing some of these emails during an exit interview, may some how help someone.  It would be even better though, if workplace bullying and mobbing became illegal.  What could be better than the bully’s own written words to prove a case?

Once a target learns about the phenomenon of workplace bullying and mobbing and understands that they were chosen by a bully because of what’s good about them, they can move on realizing  how likely it is that they will find another job, with a boss who treats them with the respect that a person of their caliber deserves and should expect.

So to all new targets of workplace bullies, Congratulations in advance for your new positions and for being the very special people that you are.   Sincerely,   ABC

Article Commentary by ABC

ABC would like to Welcome back  Patrick Maina, guest author, who is presenting his second Fresh Perspective article “Bully-Proof Yourself”.     Patrick’s articles are presented in a unique energetic style with a contagious enthusiasm which is both entertaining and informative.  These are must read articles which shouldn’t be missed.   Don’t miss his premiere article, “Life After Workplace Mobbing, A Fresh Perspective” published in Jan. 2009.  See author’s bio at the end of his premiere article.   In photo on the right,  Patrick says – “Boooo!” to all the big bad bullies out there, while trying on a much larger and more intimidatng body while on vacation.

(( Boooo! ))

Bully-Proof Yourself.  Another Fresh Perspective.  By Patrick Maina

I am no longer a victim of bullying.

Bullies / Office mobs no longer intimidate me. Whoever said knowledge is power wasn’t kidding!

Let me share with you some practical bully-proofing techniques that really work! No more pep talks or theories – these techniques, if used consistently, will free you from bullies and mobs PERMANENTLY.

The mistake most decent people make is to accept their role as victim. They find it hard to believe that other people can have evil objectives. The seeming lack of a reason (what did I do to you to deserve this? You barely know me!) makes it more painful to cope.

The other mistake we make is to over estimate the power and influence of bullies – simply because of what they say or do. Your bully is most probably not as powerful as you think!

Another mistake is to overestimate the value and importance of keeping your job in your company. Do you really believe that only one company can hire you? Did the company do you a favor by hiring you – or was it a mutually beneficial arrangement where they pay you in exchange for your talent?

As long as you fear getting fired you will have a weakness that bullies can exploit. You need to be aware of your value to your organization – and deliver tangible, documented results to prove your worth.

Take charge of your personal finances to remove dependency on your job.

Most importantly: Understand the labor laws of your country. Understand your company’s Employee policy manual. Know the legitimate grounds for dismissal (usually very explicitly stated) and ensure you never do anything that would provide such grounds. Also know your company’s grievance procedure.

Every move you make to counter bullies must be well informed, legal, and within company policies. This either guarantees your job security or increases chances of hefty legal damages in case of unfair dismissal.

Know that good things are not easy to get. High returns come with high risk. Hence you have to be ready to walk away to a new life or follow through to the end if you are dismissed (court case and all subsequent appeals if necessary, media/public support etc).

OK. Now lets start!

Mobbing is not a new phenomenon. Even animals do it. Take birds for example. .they will mob any perceived predator encroaching their nests or babies or injured mate etc. Since the victim is usually bigger/stronger, the birds use psychological harassment techniques to confuse and make it less appealing for the predator to move forward (noise/chaos, vomiting/defecating on the predator etc)

Now… humans… unlike bullies (who just enjoy what they do), most mobbers perceive the target as a means of achieving a certain self-preservation objective – e.g. “better him than me”. Just like the birds.

Given this understanding of bullies and mob behavior, it is possible to devise counter measures that turn you into the HUNTER rather than the HUNTED.

Lets go back to the birds example: clever hunters have devised tactics that take advantage of mobbing behavior to draw birds into a trap. Google it.

Here are tactics that I have used successfully. Be sure to combine them all as they are not mutually exclusive:

1. Take charge. Become totally unpredictable. Change your behavior frequently. At will. unexpectedly. one minute very friendly, the next very cold. Friendly with x, cold with y. Ignore some attacks, respond to some jokingly, respond to others seriously. Mix responses – one minute you brush it off – then after the person is disarmed, you raise the subject to him/her separately and say you wanna discuss behavior x, which occurred at date-time x, formally as an issue that is disrupting work. Note down his response and follow up by email to document the incident – including date/time and place.

This starts a guessing game. They try to figure you out .. to understand what you are up to.

When “mobbers” hold “conditioning conversations” indirectly targeting you (i.e. you are supposed to overhear and feel hurt/frightened etc). Simply walk off beyond range of hearing. Or wear headphones and focus on your work – totally ignoring them. Make them know that they have just been ignored big-time.

Suppose they try to chat you up – just say you are busy and can you talk later? Be extra nice and smiling…

If they send an emissiarry – to plant some rumor or veiled threat or misinformation cut him/her off mid sentence (soon as you notice whats happening), say you are busy, ask the person to write you an email so that you can look at it later and walk away. Repeat as often as necessary.

If you expect some output from them as your input, request formally in writing. Follow up stating (1st 2nd 3rd follow up etc).

If taken round in circles, such that your request starts at point “a” and goes round b, c, d, e, f, before coming back to a who then does it.. document it. Send a message to “a” and show how you went round in circles and how it resulted in delays and time wastage. Get “a” to promise it wont happen again.

Suppose they try a nibble (small direct attack) – to understand your motives, Don’t look hurt or offended. Look BORED. Take a notebook and ask whoever just made the nibble to repeat what they just said. Note it down. If they don’t repeat – repeat it for them and say you want to have it on record what exactly they are saying. Write down each of the mob’s comments.

Then quietly continue with your work. Try not to show any emotions (hurt or offense even if they say something nasty). Let them leave first before you make your move.

Next respond to each of the mob IN WRITING, as INDIVIDUALS and state the inaccuracies associated with his/her statement. Ask him/her to clarify and substantiate the issue with specific incidents – with dates and times and with no generalizations or ambiguities. State impact of his/her behavior on your work and ask him/her to stop. State that you are copying your boss or his/her boss and that if it happens again, you shall be compelled to escalate further. Keep it factual, brief, to the point, polite and business like.

If, when you are noting down comments, they react violently or you feel unsafe then get away to a safe place first then write to HR and cc your boss immediately about the threat!

2. Prepare for battle. Collect evidence left right and center. SEEK to be mobbed or bullied – then get it documented. Feign insecurity to make the bullies arrogant. Then when they cross the line (e.g. making derogatory statements or false accusations or generalized statements); pause the conversation thus:

“Lets talk about what just happened.” Provided you don’t feel physically threatened, insist you cannot continue with the conversation unless you first discuss “what just happened”.

If its not safe simply find a way to excuse yourself gently or just run out or scream for help (especially if you are a woman – this is an excellent age-old tactic even when you don’t really feel physically threatened but what the bully is doing would appear threatening to an outsider and the bully is a man!).

When you are in a safe place, note down the time of the incident and write a formal email to the bully stating what happened and saying how you felt in danger because of their behavior. Say that you are copying HR and his boss because you believe what just happened is against the company policy. Say politely that you are requesting for him to stop this behavior as it distracts from achieving the company objectives (always focus on how the behavior affects your ability to work on the task at hand). Ask for a commitment that the behavior will not be repeated. Once you get the commitment – DOCUMENT IT (even if it was verbal)

Most likely the behavior will stop – the first time you do this. However it can resurface after a few months.

Now don’t deal with the next incident as a new incident! Thats another mistake. It is CRUCIAL to establish a pattern. and with each repeating incident – escalate to higher management.

Also keep in mind that the bully has committed another offense. He has BROKEN A PROMISE made earlier to stop the behavior.

So your letter for Bully tantrum #2 would refer to the first letter you wrote 6 months ago on the same subject and say this is the 2nd/3rd/4th time etc that the behavior is recurring. Then refer to the PROMISE the bully made and show your concern that the bully DID NOT KEEP HIS/HER PROMISE. Say that its now more difficult to trust the bully on these issues because he/she has shown that he/she doesn’t keep promises. On this basis – escalate higher (or if at highest level, maintain).

Show the impact to your work. State possible impact to others. State he impact to you (do you feel safe etc). and ask “again” for the behavior to stop.

3. Attack from the heavens. Having collected damning evidence, write an objective research paper on bullying/mobbing – in your free time – with credible references, and submit to the most senior HR person in your organization. List the tactics in your paper an compare them to certain incidents you have seen in your organization (you will have evidence in hand at this point – e.g. written correspondence etc)

Ask the HR person for help. Document the request. If HR does nothing, and the offense is repeated, then write again to HR and refer to the PREVIOUS correspondence on the same. State you concern that this is the Xth time that you are writing about this issue and that the behavior is still recurring. Restate the impact of the behavior to your work and to the work environment. State any safety concerns etc. Ask again for “urgent help and intervention”on the matter.

More likely than not, the bully will be disciplined or fired. HR will know you are building a case and most likely will not dare touch you (especially if you already have evidence of their not taking action early).

4. Follow up with ground troops: Do you know former victims of the bully? Get them all together (those who are willing) and all of you simultaneously start a grievance process – if one exists – against the bully.

Now, at this point the bully is no longer in control of the situation and is probably confused… he/she may try to play victim and may spread rumors that YOU are harassing him/her.

To counter this, take any opportunity to talk about the harassment incidents that the bully took part in. Stick to facts and don’t exaggerate. Let people casually know you have escalated to HR – but don’t give details, don’t sensationalize, don’t speculate etc.

Keep doing the above and you will be the least desirable target for bullies and mobs.

Finally, If you see victims being bullied, help them in whatever manner you can. Else you become just as guilty as those who sat and watched when YOU were the victim.

Single Motherhood and Workplace Bullying. By ABC.

There are two things that three  single Moms wrote in comments on this blog, that I think are significant to our understanding of the affects of workplace bullying.  I’ve never read about these two things about bullied single Moms before, except right here on my own blog.

The first thing that strikes me is that single Moms are seeing the  bullying and mobbing experience a little bit differently than workers without children to support.   They have a different perspective which may work against them getting through this, unless they make a special effort to keep their thinking clear.

When people are bullied, most people take it as something personal that the bully has against them alone.  All three single Moms however, referred to the bullying experience as something that was happening jointly against both themselves AND their dependent children.  Moms being Moms, (I was never a mom but still have one who is 81 years old) all seemed more concerned about the impact on their children than on themselves.    Taking second place to their childrens’ perceived needs, may not be a winning tactic in  a workplace bullying experience.

The second thing about single Moms is that each one of them couldn’t see a way out.  Each one wrote as though there were absolutely no other job opportunities available in the whole entire world, except the one that is making them miserable and they are about to lose.  One single Mom actually already lost her job when she wrote.

A person’s level of need for their job is identified in anti-bullying literature as a factor which makes a person at higher risk for bullying.  The greater your need, as well as gratitude and higher level of productivity, the greater your risk for bullying and mobbing.  I wonder if these single Moms were targeted because they were open about how important their salary is to them.  They may have even mentioned a fear of losing their job, or finding a new job, or spoke openly about their fears of being unable to support their children.

Displeasure from bully bosses can also often intensify when single Moms arrive late or not at all because of problems with their children.  This is something I observed in my own workplace but interestingly, was not mentioned by any of the three single Moms who commented.

It’s important that Moms REMEMBER, this is not really about them! nor about their child!   This is not really personal at all except in a good way.  Bullies hate how good these moms are.  They hate how dedicated they are to their family and their job.  Bullies feel horrible about themselves by comparison, every time they look at a subordinate whose performance outshines theirs.  Read my article “Proud to be a Target”, which is also on this Weblog for more info on that.

Now that you single Moms know that bullying is about what is GOOD about you and is NOT about what is BAD about you, you should realize your potential for better employment.

Keep your mind clear of your bully’s lies and know that the truth about your performance remains the same regardless of a bully’s words.   You, God and dozens of frightened coworkers, also know the truth but are afraid to say anything, not God of course, but the frightened coworkers.   To believers in God, know that He is who made us all with free will in which to choose our behaviors, and it is He who will judge us in either this life or the next, for those behaviors we choose.  Even a moment’s thought of finding a means of revenge, is a wasted moment.  Revenge is God’s job.

Moms are so good at boosting the self esteem of their children.  Mine still does.   So to all bullied single Moms out there, take a look at yourself  and realize what a wonderfully dedicated person you are, to both your family and your employer.  You are so good, it caught the attention of a workplace bully who is literally threatened and  sickened,  just by watching you.   Know the truth of your value as a person and go out there and find the position of your dreams!

Think of all your strengths, talents, and interests and open up your mind to consider completely different job opportunities.   You may come to realize you have talents and strengths which would make self employment a feasible option.   Some people first consider, then move and  start all over again, at a location far from where they are now.   Pray for God’s guidance if you believe, or follow your gut instinct day to day in your mission to find a better means of support, then eventually things will fall into place.   If you don’t make moves to leave your hostile workplace soon, your bully will kill you and I mean that literally.   Don’t let that happen,  please… ABC

PS;  When you finally land that job of your dreams, don’t act so grateful!!   LOL!!

Times have changed since I first learned about the phenomenon of workplace bullying and mobbing about 5 years ago.  Back then, most of the anti-bullying literature was written in the United Kingdom and Canada.  Both countries are years (light years that is) ahead of us in the United States in regards to their general knowledge, understanding and attempts at remedies.  The Website that I have found to be the most accurate and up to date, is Bullyonline, created in the United Kingdom, by the late Tim Field, a literal pioneer and hero to targets everywhere.

As I continue my ongoing research on the subject of workplace bullying and mobbing, I have found that the number of articles and websites about the subject, originating in the United States, has increased tremendously.  I have found however, that many of these articles and sites originating in the United States, over simplify the subject, failing to dig deep enough into this complex subject, to give readers the insight and knowledge they need, to beat it.  I have found, that the advice given, is often logical, common sense tactics, that work in cases where the boss is simply arrogant and rude, but is not appropriate, and may even escalate hostilities, when used against REAL workplace bullies.  Authors of anti-bullying literature written in the United States seem to have the most trouble grasping that “workplace bullies” are different from a boss who is just rude.  They don’t understand that bullies have a level of psychopathy, making them think in ways that normal people don’t understand and that they need to be dealt with differently than the average rude boss.

One author wrote, and I quote:

“The ‘bully’ term implies they intend to do harm. In fact, this is not what I’ve found. Essentially, they are blind to the impact of their behavior on others. Generally, they don’t see it.”

This author doesn’t have an understanding of what a REAL bully boss is, made evident by making this statement which is not true of REAL bullies, but is typical of a boss who is simply arrogant, believing the importance of their position entitles them to treat subordinates as handmaidens. Their rudeness is not premeditated, and is often intensified by their stress level. They do not intend to hurt others, and often don’t realize that they are. When their bad behavior is pointed out to them, they are remorseful and apologize.

REAL bullies are so much more than simply arrogant and rude and are far from “blind to the impact of their behavior.” To the contrary, their intentions are, not only to hurt their target(s), but to destroy them! REAL bullies don’t apologize and are not remorseful, many having no capacity to feel empathy at all. These facts are hard for most of us to believe, because real bullies do not think in the same way as most of us.

Another example is the mistaken belief that you can resolve issues by meeting with the bully to identify problems, and ways to correct them.  It is true that this works and normal people resolve issues in this way.  But again, people need to understand that REAL bullies don’t think like the rest of us.  It must be remembered that, YOU CANNOT REASON WITH A BULLY!  First of all, bullies rarely have valid issues against their targets and they have no desire to resolve issues.  Their only desire is to create conflict for their targets as well as to socially isolate, control, subjugate and to eventually destroy and remove them from the workplace.

Make no mistake about it, REAL bully bosses are in a class all their own and worthy of entirely different approaches.  Make sure you know what you are dealing with and the difference, before confronting a potentially REAL bully boss.                                                  By ABC

Patrick Maina - Positive Words of Encouragement

Life After Office Mobbing – A Fresh Perspective.

By Patrick Maina

Article Commentary by ABC

HAPPY NEW YEAR!   Here is an excellent idea for your 2009 New Year’s Resolution:  Resolve to channel the energy of your anger against bullies into positive action this year.    Read the four step plan below and learn how you can fulfill your destiny and win the war of life despite lost battles.  Do you have a bigger purpose in life?  Read about this and more in the following article written by Patrick Maina, a reader of this weblog.  Patrick originally wrote this article as a “comment” in response to the article “Revenge, Getting Back at The Bully Boss”.  With Patrick’s permission, I am presenting his “comment” as a feature article to insure that all my readers can easily find his words.  Patrick has a very positive perspective, that I wouldn’t want anyone to miss.      Read “Author’s Bio” at the end of his article to read more about Patrick.

Patrick Maina, on December 31st, 2008 at 9:33 am Said:

Fellow Victims,

Revenge against past bullies will only consume your remaining energy and possibly backfire to hurt you or your family even more. You will learn nothing from revenge – hence you will still be open to future attacks from smarter, wealthier and more powerful mobs or bullies.

That said, don’t suppress or deny your anger. List all the accusations on paper. It’s painful – but list them all. Let the anger grow inside you. Feel it. Let it burn inside you. How could they even dare say what they said? You want to do something, anything to make them pay – right? You feel energized – right? GOOD. Keep reading.

NOW channel all that energy to positive action that will benefit YOU. Yes, that’s right, action that will result in something good for you.

First make a plan:

1. Keep that list of false accusations somewhere you can see it every day. It’s going to be your source of “fire”.

2. Take stock of your positive things and your strengths. Don’t look at negatives – you’ve had enough already. Try and think beyond your career. Are you good at organizing parties (Event management)? did you successfully juggle a job, motherhood, marriage/boyfriend (Time management skills!)? Have you raised children who are on their way to success (leadership / mentoring / counseling skills) etc…

3. What do you really enjoy doing? Is it related to your past job? Most people are extremely adept when it comes to their hobbies. What they don’t know is that others can pay for their skills! Can you bake a pie like no one else? Are you into Art? Can you sing? etc. Losing a job can be an OPPORTUNITY to do what you love!

4. Still prefer employment? Update your CV and make it a daily Job to find a Job. i.e. get up every morning and spend 8 hours looking for a job. Every day. Try freelance and short term assignments in related areas. It doesn’t have to be the job you used to do.

Example: As someone who has been bullied before, I am contemplating doing seminars about the effect of bullying to HR managers. You could team up with a professional speaker and be the “walking case study”.

Remember, what doesn’t destroy you only makes you stronger!

In strategy, a good general can differentiate between a battle and a war. You can lose a battle – and still win the war. Focus on the war (your life) and learn from the lost battle (your lost job).

Historically some of the greatest people on earth were victims of bullying or mobbing. Jesus Christ was mobbed and crucified – and he was God’s son. Moses had to run from Egypt after confronting a bully. Daniel was sexually harassed and thrown into jail on false accusations. Job was bullied and harassed by Satan. Noah was ridiculed and psychologically harassed when he built the ark.. the list is endless!

Yet these “victims” were great people specially chosen by God for a BIGGER PURPOSE IN LIFE. They lost many small battles – but eventually, they won the WAR.

Channel the anger and hate into positive action. They wanted to shatter your confidence – be MORE CONFIDENT THAN EVER! They suggested you are incompetent – be even BETTER at what you do. Never put yourself down.

One day, after you fulfill your destiny, you will look back and realize that despite losing many battles.. you WON the war… and ultimately, that’s what really counts.

Do you like what you just read? Do you agree with the suggestions? Good. Now, don’t start immediately. Treat yourself to a HOLIDAY for the next 3 days – starting tomorrow. Spend time with you and your closest loved ones. Doesn’t have to involve spending. Quality time is what matters. even reading your favorite book or arranging your favorite flowers or playing music… Just forget your troubles and enjoy like never before. Soldiers do this before battle.

Then on 4th Jan., wake up early and start working on your plan for WINNING the war! It will be hard – but as long as you have your list of “accusations” every morning, you will have some fire to channel to positive action in your life.

God Bless!

Author’s bio and more thoughts from Patrick Maina

Patrick Maina is East African, born, raised and educated in Kenya. His interests include reading useful non-fiction books, software enginering, electronics, watching movies with intelligent/unpredictable plots, African theatre, danceable music, dance, media production, travel, nature, hanging out with friends….and so on.

Bullyonline – Resource and Internet Support Group From a British Perspective. By ABC

Bullyonline is the first anti-bullying Internet support group that I came across. They are also the largest information resource on work place bullying in the world. It was this web site that gave me the first glimmer of insight and hope about 5 years ago. Validation and empowerment is the mission of “The Field Foundation” located in the United Kingdom. Their beloved founder, Tim Field, is a pioneer in the fight against work place bullying. Their information site is one that I will never stop reading. With more studies on the phenomena, the information on this site grows and changes as information becomes available.  Here is the link to their information site;

Site is at http://www.bullyoffline.org

Being located in the United Kingdom, most members of their Internet support group live there. Discussion often pertains to how bullying is addressed by that country’s legal system. As the legal system in the United States doesn’t address bullying at all, this information does not pertain to those of us who live in the USA. It’s interesting to read however, like a sneak preview, of the kinds of problems and barriers anti-bullying activist will be faced with, as we work towards our own anti-bullying legislation. Surprisingly, at least to me, is their stories of the kinds of difficulties posters of this group have, obtaining justice, despite the existence of anti-bullying laws. Another thing that is interesting about this group is their perception of “emotional injury” which is quite different in the USA. Emotional injury sustained on the job, is considered as serious and painful, as a physical injury. They refer to “stress breakdowns”, which are grounds for immediate removal from the bully, for emergency evaluation and treatment. “Stress breakdowns” on the job are then followed by extended periods of paid leave from the job with an expectation that the employer has a “duty of care” to provide for a “safe environment” upon the employee’s return. If the employer is not willing or able to eliminate the bully, or otherwise separate the target from the bully, then the employer considers “constructive dismissal” of the target, with benefits and monetary compensation.

This perspective of the affect of emotional abuse is quite different here in the US. After one of my first emotional assaults by my current bully, I couldn’t stop crying. The only “care” I received, was being told by a Human Resource rep. to “go outside and take a walk”. I couldn’t even form words to respond to her. I just walked back to my desk in a daze.

So click on the link below to join bullyonline. Thank you bullyonline members for your support and perspective. Sincerely, ABC

Click to join bullyonline

Syndicated Column

Helpful information and advice from
America’s favorite workplace columnist

Anita Bruzzese is a syndicated newspaper columnist on workplace issues for 15 years.  Anita Bruzzese’s “On the Job” column is featured in dozens of newspapers and Web sites every week, with a readership of more than eight million.

Anita Bruzzese

When  Gannett News Service launched the column in 1992, reader response was immediate.  “I thought I was the only one to go through this” was a common refrain in the hundreds of letters that flooded in from Oregon to Florida and all points in between.   Anita Bruzzese is a notable presence in the workplace advice arena, prompting reader feedback from all over the world.  This award-winning journalist consistently delivers critical workplace information to a consumer audience who might not otherwise be aware of the issues she addresses.

One such issue being the phenomenon of “workplace bullying and mobbing”.  Click on the link below to read her article “Is Any Job Worth a Bad Boss?”

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Is Any Job Worth a Bad Boss?

http://www.45things.com/2008/10/is-any-job-worth-bad-boss.php

Comments by ABC

Towards the bottom of this article, the words “bully boss” are underlined indicating that when clicked, you are brought to another link.   That link brings readers to the article on this weblog titled “Tactics of a Workplace Serial Bully Boss”.

Thank you Anita Bruzzese for a great article on this important issue and for linking your “..Bad Boss” article with the “Tactics..” article on this weblog.   Just one more way to get the word out, about the devastating affects of workplace bullying and mobbing, and one more day closer to the day when all working Americans will know enough to Recognize it, Name it, and End Workplace Bullying and Mobbing Together!  Thanks again Anita.   ABC

Click on the link below to reach Anita’s blog titled “45 Things”;

http://www.45things.com/blog.php

Posted in B) BULLYING AND MOBBING IN THE NEWS Tagged: Anita Bruzzese, Anita Bruzzese Article Links to ABC, bad boss, BULLYING & MOBBING IN THE NEWS, workplace advice ]]> http://antibullyingcrusador.wordpress.com/2008/10/05/anita-bruzzese/feed/ 0 ABC-AntiBullyingCrusador Anita Bruzzese http://antibullyingcrusador.wordpress.com/2008/08/21/nineveh-anti-bullying-internet-support-group/ http://antibullyingcrusador.wordpress.com/2008/08/21/nineveh-anti-bullying-internet-support-group/#comments Thu, 21 Aug 2008 23:37:21 +0000 ABC-AntiBullyingCrusador http://antibullyingcrusador.wordpress.com/?p=361 ]]>

NINEVEH – Anti-bullying Internet Support Group

Click to join Nineveh

Isolation – A Bully’s Most Harmful Weapon

By ABC

Targets are often chosen by their bullies because of their better than average work performance. Bullies often feel threatened by good performers, because it increases their own feelings of inadequacy and shame. While mentally healthy people applaud and enjoy working and learning from those who excel, bullies can’t stand to see someone other then themselves shine.

Those whose good performance wins the attention of a bully, suddenly finds their successes minimized. Their once valued opinion is no longer asked. Their responsibility for unimportant matters often increases, while their authority is taken from them, often replaced by a bully’s friend. Targets are no longer asked to participate in planning meetings, special projects, or even social events. Important information is no longer communicated to them, as they are intentionally “taken out of the loop”, causing embarrassment and/or some kind of failure due to their lack of what coworkers perceive to be common knowledge. The bully begins a campaign of nitpicking, criticism, and personal insults usually done behind closed doors and in subtle ways. The bully often targets one person at a time, making it hard for coworkers to believe the abuse is real as reported by the target. Often, only the target and the bully themselves, know the true nature of the bully.

The target begins to react emotionally to these abusive changes, which they don’t understand, because there is no real reason other than the bully’s whim, even amusement at the targets distress. Targets often become obsessed by the bully, searching for the reasons for the abuse, that doesn’t exist. The bully points out the targets emotional distress to coworkers, often feigning concern, along with rumors, gossip and half or twisted truths about the target, in order to manipulate others into questioning the target’s competency and mental health..

Most coworkers believe the bully, not understanding that the target is displaying symptoms of an emotional injury, perpetrated by the bully, rather than mental illness as often alleged by the bully. Coworkers then unwittingly participate in the bullying, which is called mobbing. The few coworkers, who may know the truth, usually won’t stick up for the target, to avoid becoming a target themselves.

Isolation is the most emotionally painful experience a mentally healthy person can endure. That is why isolation is a primary tactic used to punish or torture. It is the bully’s most harmful weapon. I remember a Nun teaching in grade school that no one knows what Hell is like. We can only be sure of one thing. If you go to Hell, you will be ALONE.

Read more in the link below about  the affect of social isolation, which our bullies often cause. Isolation results in real damage to our health and well-being. Sincerely ABC

http://www.psychosomaticmedicine.org/cgi/content/full/63/2/273

Workplace bullying, so unbelievable. Why? By: ABC

AND

Is Your Boss a Psychopath. By: Alan Deutschman

————————————

Workplace bullying, So Unbelievable. Why? By: ABC

One of the most difficult things that a target of a “closet” workplace serial bully boss needs to overcome, is getting others to believe that the bullying is actually taking place. Sometimes, it’s even unbelievable to the target themselves, causing them to question their own perception of the bullying events. Targets often torture and blame themselves while searching for the reasons that don’t exist. Everyone they turn to seems skeptical that the bullying is taking place or is as serious as the target states. It’s hard to believe that someone’s boss is trying to destroy them over issues of a trivial nature. Why would someone do that? What would be the motivation, others often ask. It all seems so unbelievable and senseless, even to the target.

The first thing a target is faced with when making allegations of bullying is denial, and at every turn. Everyone the target goes to, from the bully themselves, to the bully’s boss, Human Resources, coworkers, mentors and even family members, doubt the seriousness of the targets predicament. The major reason being, it just doesn’t make sense, as well as many other factors in this very complex phenomenon.

What everyone needs to understand is that bullies have emotional and/or physical brain abnormalities or a level of psychopathy, also referred to as sociopathy. Psychopaths do not think like the rest of us. Therefore, what they say or do, doesn’t make sense to most of us. Most times, there is no valid reason for the bullying behavior at all, other than the bully’s amusement! This is a fact that is hard for most people to believe. Many psychopaths are criminals, referred to as “unsuccessful pyschopaths” in the literature. Then there are “successful psychopaths”. Many of our most successful business leaders were later found to be criminal corporate psychopaths, as the linked article below describes.

Please click on the link below to read about corporate psychopaths. This is a MUST READ. Read how corporate psychopaths think. One amazing fact revealed is that psychopaths have no sense of empathy. Can you imagine that? Read on………………..ABC

Is Your Boss a Psychopath?

By: Alan Deutschman

Bullying In the News

By ABC

Many of my readers reach this website after putting in the search terms “Revenge against bully boss” or similar phrases. I wrote an article on the subject to satisfy my readers’ interests but didn’t give people what they really wanted. Instead, I more or less said that the best revenge is no revenge, but in quite a bit more detail. Here’s a link to that article;

http://antibullyingcrusador.wordpress.com/2008/04/26/revenge-getting-back-at-the-bully-boss-by-abc

I still stick by that advice although most people are looking for specific things they can do to complicate their boss’s life. So, click on the link below for an example of what one person did, and the unfortunate outcome. By ABC

July 25, 2008

Woman Apologizes For Revenge Against Boss

The Associated Press

BRISTOL – A Portland woman charged with trying to get the power shut off at her ex-boss’s home is apologizing and says she’s devastated that her actions damaged her reputation. Click on the link below for full story;

http://www.courant.com/news/custom/topnews/hc-ap-electricityarrest-0725,0,3801479.story

Read ABC’s on-line comment to this article in The Hartford Courant:

Hi, I am an anti-bullying (workplace bullying that is) activist and have heard and read thousands of target testimonies about their experience with workplace bullies. The majority of targets are not disgruntled, under performers on their jobs, but quite the opposite. Most targets are high performers, and well liked by coworkers but then catches the attention of a workplace bully along their career path who is threatened by their better performing target. 80% of these dedicated workers usually endure two years of emotional abuse before being eliminated through being fired like this women was, becoming physically or emotionally ill or by even committing suicide. When people are literally intentionally destroyed by an incompetent boss after years of dedicated service, they see red and want revenge. People use the search terms “revenge against boss” or similar terms every day to reach my blog. Bosses need to realize that emotionally abusing their workers puts them at risk for revenge. The women in this article only tried to shut off her boss’s electric. someone who’s a bit more angry or emotionally unstable may try to end their boss’s life, as well as their boss’s supporters lives, then they almost always take their own life. It happens all the time in the United States, so often that it is more commonly referred to as “going postal”, a term that most everyone in the United States is familiar with. So to cruel bosses everywhere, beware of revenge, it may end your life! Lets recognize it, name it and end workplace bullying and mobbing together. ABC-Antibullyingcrusador

http://antibullyingcrusador.wordpress.com/

By ABC

There has been great national news stories in The United States regarding people in protected classes winning workplace abuse cases. Are you a member of a protected class? Just about everyone is.

Below, is the definition of “protected class” according to the national “Equal Employment Opportunity Program”

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Protected Class: The groups protected from the employment discrimination by law. These groups include men and women on the basis of sex; any group which shares a common race, religion, color, or national origin; people over 40; and people with physical or mental handicaps. Every U.S. citizen is a member of some protected class, and is entitled to the benefits of EEO law. However, the EEO laws were passed to correct a history of unfavorable treatment of women and minority group members.

*******************************************************

Only those in protected classes, have legal recourse for workplace bullying and mobbing, but only IF they can prove that the abuse was due to discrimination against their protected class. If you’re in a protected class, learn more through the link below. ABC

Click on the link below to reach the national Equal Employment Opportunity Program’s website;

http://www.archives.gov/eeo/policy/

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Read three News Articles Below, About Those in Protected Classes, Winning Their Legal Battles

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Lesbians sue Citrus Heights police, alleging bias in dismissals

By Stan Oklobdzija – stano@sacbee.com

Last Updated 12:35 am PDT Friday, July 18, 2008
Story appeared in METRO section, Page B3

click on the link below;

http://www.sacbee.com/101/story/1091874.html

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2nd Circuit Affirms Award Against Wal-Mart in Disability Bias Case

Mohamad Alhalabi

CLAYTON — A jury has awarded $337,000 to a former Missouri Department of Natural Resources supervisor who claimed he was subject to a hostile work environment after the 9/11 terrorist attacks and the invasion of Iraq.

Click on the blue link to read the full article;

http://www.stltoday.com/stltoday/news/stories.nsf/stlouiscitycounty/story/EA0FD9E5B71404238625748B0006EC66?OpenDocument

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Comment by ABC

Hurray for Mr. Alhal abi! Even when people are in a protected class like Mr. Alhal abi is, it is still hard for targets of workplace abuse to obtain justice. In Mr. Alhal abi’s case, a jury was convinced that the workplace hostility occurred because he is an Arab-American, of the Muslim faith. Ethnic and religious minorities are considered protected classes, whose members are legally protected from discrimination in the workplace. It is usually easy to prove that abuse occurred, but often hard to prove it occurred because of discrimination.

There are many barriers when seeking legal recourse for workplace abuse, even when someone in a protected class, has solid evidence. It’s often hard or impossible to find an attorney willing to work on a contingency basis and few targets have the financial resources to pay out of pocket upfront.

Not only is the expense prohibitive, but the length of time it takes to go to trial, can be problematic as well. If the case should go to trial years later, witnesses may have forgotten important details or may no longer be available or willing to testify.

People who experience hostility in the workplace, but are not considered to be within a protected class, have no legal recourse at all in The United States. It is not illegal for a bully boss to be verbally and/or emotionally abusive, as long as the abuse is not related to the target being a member of a protected class. Only when a bully breaks existing laws, such as physical assault, or damaging personal property, can legal justice be sought.

These are the reasons that all working Americans need to learn about the phenomenon of workplace bullying and mobbing. All working Americans need to understand that without laws to protect them, they can be chosen as the serial bully boss’s next target, for no valid reason at all. Once chosen as a target, the bully may brutally emotionally abuse them, turn their coworkers against them, then suddenly fire them on a whim and without a valid cause.

Serial bully bosses have the potential to destroy dozens of employees’ physical and emotional health, sometimes disabling a person for life. Despite this destructive force in our workplaces, likely the largest hidden expense in business today, few people in the United States even heard of the bullying and mobbing phenomenon. The time has come for all working Americans to learn to recognize it, name it, and end workplace bullying and mobbing together! ABC

Hospital group issues alert on bullying by doctors, other workers to curb medical errors

By Carla K. Johnson/Assoc.Press

July 16, 2008

CHICAGO (AP) _ Bullying doctors can make nurses afraid to question their performance, resulting in medical errors, according to a hospital group that announced new requirements for cracking down on intimidating behavior.Outbursts and condescending language threaten patient safety and increase the cost of care, according to a safety alert issued Wednesday by the Joint Commission, an independent organization that accredits most of the nation’s hospitals… Click on the link below to read entire article;

http://www.courant.com/news/nationworld/wire/sns-ap-med-hospital-bullies,0,2667981.story

On-line comment submitted by ABC

Thank you Hartford Courant for publishing another article about the menace of “workplace bullying and mobbing”, now thought to be the cause of 15% of successful adult suicides, an important public health message, that all working Americans should be aware of. The professions of medicine and education are especially prone to this problem, making our most vulnerable citizens, children and adults who are ill or disabled, at high risk for medical errors, that occur as a result of workplace bullying. Workplace bullying and mobbing not only hurts targets of workplace bullies, but everyone whose health and very life, depends on those in the “helping professions”. Lets all learn to Recognize it, Name it, and End Workplace Bullying and Mobbing Together! ABC-AntiBullyingCrusador

Bullying Caused Women’s Suicide, Inquiry Told. Published in: The Sidney Morning Herald by Natasha Wallace. and

Suicide When Related to Workplace Bullying. By ABC.

Bullying Caused Women’s Suicide, Inquiry Told.

The Sidney Morning Herald. July 9, 2008.

By Natasha Wallace, July 9th, 2008

p

CHRISTINE HODDER, 38, was a much-loved woman with a husband and a three-year-old daughter, and had almost completed her Bachelor of Nursing degree when she killed herself in her backyard. Click on, or copy and past, the link below to read complete article.

http://www.smh.com.au/articles/2008/07/08/1215282835387.html?page=fullpage#contentSwap1

Suicide, When Related to Workplace Bullying.

By ABC.

Edited&Revised 7/15/08

Suicide due to workplace bullying including mobbing, is becoming an increasingly popular topic in the war against workplace bullying. One recent study revealed that 15% of successful adult suicides are related to workplace bullying. It can be a real hard blow for targets, and is usually the first sign of real trouble, after the bullying has begun, and the target gets their first unfair reprimands. Often these first reprimands, are the first reprimands ever received in a target’s usually long career. This in its self, can be the last straw, or the deciding factor for a target who is considering suicide, especially for someone who is already on shaky ground emotionally.

Typically these reprimands are given “behind closed doors”, and are often presented in loud, angry voices, with threats of further reprimand or dismissal. Targets are usually stunned by the bully’s first allegations which may be based on half-true incidents, which are exaggerated, twisted versions of the true events. The target typically tries to reason with the bully boss by describing the true events, but fails, because there is no real validity to the allegations, and the bully has no real intention to resolve issues with the target in the first place. The target is often treated very disrespectfully during these “behind closed doors” meetings with their responses being interrupted, minimized, or met with eye rolling, tongue clicking, moans, groans and outright accusations of lying. These behaviors toward the target are “tactics”, meant to, and often succeeding in, provoking the target to anger, tears, or an emergency medical crisis, such as an asthma attack, heart attack, hyperventilation, or emotional collapse.

You should suspect that bullying is rife, if a company has one or two tiny, windowless meeting rooms, minimumly furnished and intentionally made as uncomfortable as possible. These are modern day corporate versions of medieval torture chambers. The difference being, medieval torture chambers were designed as places which enhance the infliction of physical pain. Modern corporate torture chambers, are designed as places which enhance the infliction of emotional pain. Physical abuse is painful, visable to others, and is illegal. Verbal abuse is just as painful as physical abuse, but is not outwardly visable to others and in most cases, does not cross the line to what is considered to be, an arrestable offense.

The room my bully met with me in was so small, you had to move the chairs to open the door. It was windowless, with a tiny round table surrounded by 3, small, minimally padded chairs. The reason for 3 chairs is, one for the target, and two for the bully boss and a supporter of the bully, usually a Human Resource Rep.. Two against one. Even if the bully boss meets alone with the target, the bully boss has the extra chair on her side of the table, to represent the two to one advantage. There was nothing else in the room. There were no refreshments, not even a glass of water or a paper cup in case you should want to get one. When I was provoked to tears. there were no tissues, so the tears streamed down my face and I wiped the snots from my nose on my sleeve.

They were short on compassion and human decency was nonexistant, as they continued the verbal assault packed with one absurd lie after another. Not even the bully boss could possibly believe her own words. All of this continued, seemingly endlessly despite my increasing inability to maintain my composure. I was left unable to respond, literally speechless and defeated. The bully left the room impatiently while the HR rep advised that I take a walk outside “to clear your head” as she said. I couldn’t even form words to respond, as I walked out the door, my eyes to the floor, hoping no one would even know.

“Behind closed doors” meetings is a common tactic of bullies, described both in anti-bullying literature, as well as in dozens of target testimonies that I have read through the years. It’s unbelievably amazing how similar, details of bullying tactics, such as these, in which I am describing a “behind closed doors meeting room”, will be strikingly similar to meeting rooms that other targets, at different companies, even in different countries, will describe. Other details that target testimonies reveal are that these meetings are often called suddenly, during unexpected times, when the target is the most uncomfortable. Examples being, when the target is hungry, just before their lunch break, or when they first arrive, and feel flustered and unprepared. Choosing a time when the target is exhausted, or is trying to cope with other problems, is another tactic.

The bully’s only real motivation is to engage the target in battle, while having the resources to have an advantage, before the target even arrives. Their intention is not only to hurt the target, but to manipulate, control, subjugate and eventually to destroy and eliminate the target from the workplace. Target testimonies repeatedly identify the two year mark, from the day the bully chooses the target, as the critical period in which the bully is ready to eliminate the target. Targets who sense that they’re about to be fired and cannot cope with that eventuality, are vulnerable to suicide.

Targets are often eliminated right out from under one of these meetings, never returning to their desks. This happens when the target is provoked to anger, and marches out from one of these meeting rooms never to return, or is taken out by security, if not by their own volition, after being provoked to anger, then being fired for insubordination. Then there are some who are carried out by an ambulance crew. Targets who survive these behind closed doors meetings often suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. This may cause them to be subjected to sudden flashbacks, in which they have repeated vivid memories or dreams about these very traumatic experiences. Some people can’t cope with these memories, or they become fearful of experiencing another meeting. Sometimes people commit suicide over these obsessive, intrusive thoughts.

Most targets try numerous ways to resolve these issues before falling into despair, such as going to the bully’s boss or Human Resources. There are long explanations in the literature about why doing this rarely works. Briefly stated here, these are unlikely sources of help, because it is simply not in their self interest to believe the target, and if they do believe the target, to act on the allegations made against the bully.

Going to coworkers and/or to trusted mentors, family members and friends, are other sources that first, usually fail to fully believe the seriousness of the target’s issues, and then, even if they do, are unable to give useful advise. Well intentioned advice, by those with little or no understanding of the bullying phenomenon, may well result in an escalation of the problem, rather than resolution. Most people in the United States have never even heard of the phenomenon, and have no useful information to share.

Target’s often find it hard to get others to believe the seriousness of the situation as mentioned above, because it is so unbelievable. Authors of anti-bullying literature describe bullies by using the example of “Jekyll and Hyde” known for being a “master of deception”. Bullies feign trust in coworkers by confiding half, twisted stories about the target, and by pointing out the increased stress level the target may be displaying, which are really symptoms of the bully’s emotional abuse. This creates doubt among coworkers about the targets mental health, competence and loyalty, and sets the stage for workplace mobbing, where coworkers unwittingly participate in the abuse. This is described in much more detail in my article on this weblog about workplace mobbing.

Isolation, a bully’s most harmful weapon, and described in more detail in another article by this title on this webblog. adds to the emotional crisis that can lead to suicide. A target is first reprimanded repeatedly by their bully boss who cites incidents that are described completely different from that of the target’s perception of the same events. The incidents the bully cites as issues, are usually of a trivial nature concerning relationships with coworkers, personal insults and put downs. Rarely are there serious work related issues, because most targets of workplace bullies are better than average workers. Then, coworkers begin to shun the target and unwittingly participate in the emotional abuse. Going to the bully’s boss or to Human Resources only escalates the problem. The last straw being when Family, friends and mentors either don’t believe the target, or have no useful information to share, and become tired of hearing the target obsessively repeat issues that can’t be resolved. The target is now very much alone and increasingly vulnerable to suicide.

Some people are more prone than others to commit suicide, if faced with the same measure of stress. This is due to a person’s preexisting intellectual, emotional and psychological health, strengths and weaknesses. These are determined by each person’s individual genetic makeup, as well as the number, types and kinds of both physical and emotional environmental and interpersonal interactions and experiences a person is previously exposed to. This creates wide berth for diversity, in regards to how each individual will cope with any given stressor, making predictability of suicide difficult at best.

Obviously, a person who is already depressed or who has a history of depression or of suicide attempts are at higher risk. Someone who already has poor self esteem, or who is highly dependent on the approval and acceptance of other people, are at high risk. Then there are people who you would not expect to be at risk. This includes very intelligent people who are very capable of high level productivity and performance. They could be very capable of competently managing a large complex department, but when faced with a bullying problem that they can’t understand and resolve, resort to suicide.

Intelligent targets who take their own lives, usually have emotional problems which deceive their intelligence. One emotional problem that could cause targets of workplace bullies to take their own lives, is one that they share with many bullies. That is, having fears of inadequacy and shame which took root in early childhood experiences. Bullies who have this problem, often target employees who are especially good at their jobs, because their feelings of inadequacy and shame, are heightened when they compare themselves to that of the better performing target.

Targets who have fears of inadequacy and shame, actually believe their bully boss’s vague lies about their interpersonal relationships, petty flaws and insults. Their intelligence deceives them into believing that a boss would never be capable of lying about performance issues, because there is no logical reason to do so. Believing the bullies lies, their feelings of inadequacy and shame spiral out of control and they begin to obsessively search for the specific reasons and things that they did, to cause these issues, when they did nothing at all, and there are no real reasons that exist. With the obvious increase in the target’s stress level, coupled with the lies and influence of the bully, behaviors of the work group change. Shunning and mobbing behaviors slowly take hold, which further convinces the target that they must be at fault for these changes. As the target continues searching for reasons that don’t exist. coworkers become increasingly concerned and fearful, causing most people to distance themselves even further from the target. The targets obsession with a problem that doesn’t exist, the inability of their intelligence, the thing that always succeeded in guiding them successfully in the past, doesn’t help them understand their current crisis, and their feelings of inadequacy and shame only convinces them further, that they must be at fault.

Their abandonment by coworkers, and the impatience of family members and friends who no longer know how to help the target, leads to utter loneliness and despair. Convinced they have an interpersonal problem that drives everyone against them, a problem they don’t understand, because it doesn’t exist. Everything they try fails, then their intelligence runs out of ideas, they lose all hope, then suicide is considered.

Another type of emotionally vulnerable target at high risk for suicide, are those who love their jobs to the extent that their job becomes a part of who they are. Their position becomes a part of their identity. This type of attitude is wonderful for the business, the customers, as well as the employee. Most people with this kind of attitude enjoy successful employment with the same company for decades. They are the “go to person” in their company, being highly respected for the knowledge that took decades to attain, and are looked up to by long term employees and newcomers alike. How could someone like this become a target of a workplace bully?

It usually takes something big, like a merger or company take over for someone like this to become the target of a workplace bully. Mergers, and company take-overs are great for fixing what ain’t broke. New managers can suddenly take over who have no history with the existing employees. These new managers can be ruthless while giving directives that already had been decided on, without consideration for the opinion of the talented people, who are their new employees. It is during these kind of chaotic conditions that extremely talented, productive employees, can be let go, without much thought at all. Out with the old, and in with the new, as they say.

It is of little consequence to the talented young managers, who newly take over, that they prematurely ended the most valuable part of who a person is. That’s how deeply dedicated people feel about their jobs. When someone who loves their job, suddenly loses their job, it’s like they lost a part of themselves. People like these, are often late middle age, and held no other jobs in the past 20-30 years. They often have chronic illnesses of middle age such as high blood pressure, diabetes and arthritis. All of these factors lessen the chances that they will settle into another job. More often, without proper support from family, friends and society, people such as these, are unable to find meaningful employment. They grieve the loss of their job and are left feeling deeply embittered and betrayed by the employer who they dedicated the best part of their lives to. If unable to move forward, they may fall into despair and be at high risk for suicide.

We must never underestimate the affects our jobs have on our emotional health. Most full time employees spend more time with bosses and coworkers than with our closest family members. Take care to be kind and cooperative with everyone you interact with at work and be vigilant in recognizing workplace emotional abuse early while it’s still very subtle. Expose problems early, by naming them what they are, “bullying and mobbing” if that is what it is. If you see it, and do nothing, consider yourself part of the problem. Instead, speak out and educate others about the phenomenon. Point it out, name it and end it where ever you see it. Don’t be afraid to stand together against workplace bullies and their mobs. United we can end workplace bullying and mobbing together. ABC

Fear in The Workplace: The Bully Boss.

By Benedict Carey

Dear ABC,

Recently I was let go from a per-diem physical therapist assistant position at a nursing home. There where contrived complaints against me like I walk around too much and then I need to speed it up. I was blamed for things that other people did like changing the parameters on a range of motion machine and making more work for other people because i asked them to show me something. I did not recognize the signs and I should have. It leaves me feeling very helpless and not wanting to go out and look for another job because i have the attitude that it is just going to happen again. My boyfriend tells me to buck it up and move on making me feel worse. I noticed that you are a nurse doing home care. Do you think this kind of thing is prevalent in health care? it is terrible, it makes it more difficult to do a good job for the patient because it makes one so paranoid about being attacked verbaly and dragged into the office for the inquisition about supposed shortcomings.Lin

Dear Lin,

Yes, workplace bullying and mobbing is more prevalent in health care and with many of the “helping professions”. Education is another high-risk job category. It is thought that these professions have a higher incidence, because people who choose these professions, are good bait for bullies. “Targets” often have a non-confrontational personality style in which they share a higher than average concern for fairness, justice, and integrity. All of these qualities which bullies detest. Homecare probably has a lower average of bullying and mobbing than other healthcare professions because the majority of the work is done one on one, in individual patient homes, which isn’t as conducive to the dynamics needed, in the building of a bullying and mobbing campaign.

You need to “move on” as your boyfriend suggests but while keeping in mind that your mind also needs time to heal from the emotional abuse you have been sustaining at the hands of your employer. It may seem immature to some, to be upset about the petty complaints your employer lodged against you, but the truth is, trivial fault finding and nit-picking are emotional abuse, and like any abuse, it takes its toll on both your emotional and physical health.

It is true that no matter where you work, or what profession you choose, you’re likely to come across workplace bullying and mobbing. That is a fact of life that every working person needs to know about. We should all know how to recognize it when we see it, then have the courage to name it, “workplace bullying and mobbing”, then together with others, we need to end workplace bullying and mobbing together! ABC

Before becoming a “target” of “workplace bullying and mobbing” I was actually an “unwitting little mobster” for lack of a better term. While writing about workplace bullying and mobbing, I started using the term “little mobster” to indicate individual coworkers who choose to support the bully. So, “little mobsters” are those who participate in hurtful behaviors against targets as a result of being influenced by the bully. The behaviors of more than one little mobster is more commonly referred to as “mobbing” in anti-bullying literature.

There are two types of mobsters that I have observed, although not specifically described but referred to in the literature that I have come across. So I started using my own nomenclature. There is a “bully wanna-be little mobster” and “the unwitting little mobster”. Both are very dangerous and capable of very hurtful behaviors when influenced by the primary instigator known as the “bully”.

The difference between the two is the underlying motivation in their participation, and their knowledge or lack there of, of the bully’s true nature.

The “bully wanna-be” is someone who recognizes the true devious nature of the bully and admires this as a quality in the bully. They may become the bully’s first hand man and may look upon the bully as a mentor. “Bully wanna-bes” have the same underlying mental or emotional disorders as a true bully but have not yet become as skilled at utilizing bullying behaviors as the true bully and initially lacks the significant power they need in which to abuse. Often times the bully gives a “bully wanna-be” a measure of power they would not normally be able to achieve on their own merit. Such as promoting the wanna-be unofficially by giving them responsibilities over subordinates, most likely, the bully’s target(s). Once on this path, they are impervious to reform and move on to become true bully bosses in their own right, given time and nurturing by the established bullies.

The “unwitting little mobster” is unaware of the bully’s true nature. These little mobsters have never seen the devious side of the bully. They have only observed and are only aware of the bully’s positive attributes which literally fool them. The majority of little mobsters are this type of mobster. The bully is very careful to pay attention to the little mobsters under his/her control and makes sure not to show their devious side to their unwitting little mobsters. Instead, they gain the trust of the unwitting little mobster by feigning special attention and by sharing what the unwitting mobster perceives to be the bosses confidence. It makes the average staffer feel special when a boss shares their confidences. The only problem is that some of these confidences are in fact lies about one or more coworkers who are in fact the bully’s targets. The bully boss needs to be extremely smooth to fool the average staffer and uses a number of methods to succeed as well as competence.

The first is to swear the unwitting little mobster to secrecy. A little mobster who is sworn to secrecy will never repeat what the bully says and therefore never hears a varying interpretation from that of the bully. The second method which reinforces the first method, is to feign concern about sharing these confidences by saying just enough against a target, perhaps a half truth, or may feign an undefined deep hurt perpetrated by the target, to shed a negative light on the abilities and/or loyalty of their target. The rest is left to the little mobsters’ imagination. When the imagination is left unfettered by truth, and multiplied by the coercion of a number of other little mobsters, the stage is set to support malicious lies and rumors against the target by the mob comprised of both “bully wanna-be” and “unwitting” – “little mobsters”. Sometimes it’s what is not said which causes the most harm. While this drama is going on in the background, the routine of the work continues driven by external factors. The bully boss often demonstrates competency, intelligence, wittiness and general ability in her usual duties as observed by most people in public areas of the workplace again literally fooling unwitting little mobsters and most everyone else.

Unwitting little mobsters continue to receive preferential treatment and are made to feel special by the bully, as long as they continue to do the bully’s bidding without asking too many questions. Being the unwitting little mobster that I was, I know this is when people become the most capable of doing malicious things against a bully’s targets, things that they would normally be incapable of, if it were not for the influence of the bully. Using the right mix of charisma and confidence, this influence is often grossly underestimated. Subordinates who gain the preferential treatment of a charismatic leader are easily hypnotically lured into the bully’s fold often following directives based only on their unquestioning trust and a vague promise of sharing in the bully’s successes, while the real motivations behind their directives are far from noble. These unwitting little mobsters will go down fighting in defense of a bully who knew how to make them feel a little bit better about themselves, and a little bit bigger, all by simple association and unquestioning loyalty to the bully.

Learning the truth can be devastating to an unwitting little mobster whose feelings of privilege are lost when the truth is known. Feeling the profound fool is also a defeating emotion that comes to mind when I remember learning the truth about my own bully. How could she have fooled me for so long? How could I have actually participated in mobbing behaviors by believing the lies of my bully boss even after hearing the perspective of the target? Was I out of my mind?

Although closet bullies do their best to hide their bullying behaviors, the unwitting little mobsters who are actually involved in carrying out the bullying agendas, begin to see the truth. When an unwitting little mobster first sees the bully for what they are, they doubt themselves, not really wanting to know the truth. After all, it had until that moment, been their association with the bully that had been making them feel good about themselves and the job. Once an unwitting little mobster begins to question themselves and others, the truth begins to snowball into the undeniable and they are no longer unwitting.

They wittingly come to the realization that their situation is more complicated than they ever imagined. Learning about the bully becomes a dual effort of learning not only about their own bully’s motivations but about the bullying phenomenon and related topics as well. Suddenly they are in a crisis unlike any experienced before and one that others know little about. Once they learn about the bully, their less than admirable motivations, and realize their involvement in these activities, a choice must be made. To become a true bully wanna-be, and step up their efforts to follow the directives of their bully? or, not. Not, is not easy, and often means becoming a “target”.

Once an unwitting little mobster knows about the bully, it’s a matter of a short time before the bully knows they know. Once the bully tests their suspicion that the unwitting little mobster is no longer totally loyal, and they fail that test, usually by asking questions of the bully for the first time, then they are no longer an asset to the bully, but instead, the unwitting little mobster has become a threat at this point. Anyone who is a threat to a bully, becomes a bully’s “target”.

Being the “target” of a workplace bully is an entirely different subject, but it is a surprising fact that “targets” of workplace bullies often started off actually supporting them and participating in mobbing behaviors. Many former or reformed mobsters quietly find other positions before their bully even knows they learned the truth. Most say nothing, only alluding to their loss of respect for their bullys’ and themselves, and their need to move on and away from all of it. Away from the memories of the behaviors of the workplace bully, and from the memories of some of their own behaviors, behaviors that they are not proud of, behaviors they would not have been capable of, if it weren’t for the influence of the workplace bully. ABC

Comments

“basil de roche” <bderoche@..

.>
wrote:
>
> very good !!
>
> ‘Successful’ big bullying has much to do with skills in drama
> acting up, playing the ‘local hero’ for the little ones, for whom
special
> treatment, even just a small favour, or a smile might mean much.
>
> One of my ‘little’ ones was so convinced by The Big bully that as
well as
> becoming
> his loyal and unfailing supporter, hanging on his words, learning
them by
> heart,
> .. she became anxious to counsel me, so that at any
> opportunity, I might be persuaded how to understand,
> and be kinder to her hero, and to urge me to see that he was good
and wise
> person,
> a friend to everyone. She was quite sure that I had
misunderstood him,
> (although I never discussed him with her) and that I was breaking
his heart
> of gold.
>
> His skill in acting the immensely gentle, kindly, poetic confidant
to all,
> was
> truly remarkable. I have never seen anyone, before or since,
> appear, (in public), to be such a thoroughly likeable person.
> He was ‘gifted’ in this respect.
>
> She wasnt ever there, of course, when for no reason that he ever
explained,
> and refused to discuss, he screamed foul abuse at me, or when he
smashed the
> place up.
> Although he is far away now, I still feel the same kind of fear
coming back
> again, as if Im an
> animal caught in a trap, whenever circumstances remind me.

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Prefer not to identify, on July 4th, 2008 at 10:19 am Said: Edit Comment

Wrote:

1. Thank you for the information found on this website. Early this week, I resigned from a director-level position at a mid-size software company after having turned from an unwitting little mobster who had begun to ask questions about the ethics of management behavior, to a full-blown target over the past 8 weeks. Nature of this bully boss is extremely manipulative and sexism was a factor (he is male, I am female). But that was just one of the ways he subtle demeaned and abused. After reading this article, I’m convinced the real issue was his manipulative, bully style.

   HR was not my friend and my bosses boss also did not support me. Not knowing where to turn or who to trust, I spoke to two of my subordinates about my concerns of recent abusive behaviors, which made them uncomfortable and gave the bully an opportunity to get a full-scale mobbing underway.

   On Monday, I was called into a senior executive’s office and with HR present, was advised there were two problems. Problem one was me and my unprofessionalism and lack of confidentiality in speaking with my subordinates, and problem two was alleged abuse by my boss, which I had yet to prove. To address problem one, they asked me to sign a performance development plan that detailed expected professionalism from me to avoid termination. To address problem two, they indicated they didn’t see any problem with the behaviors I’d explained and that if I had proof in email form, I could forward that to them for review.

   I said I didn’t feel good about this solution and that there was another option. I could leave. They asked me why I wouldn’t want to resolve this peacefully instead and provide them with evidence for problem two so that they could address is. I said because when one sees themselves heading toward being a victim, one has the choice of staying on that path or getting off. I have no interest in remaining a victim and allowing it to get worse, just so I can prove it is true, particularly in an organization that doesn’t appear alarmed by the indications of poor conduct.

   They asked me to go home and think about it for a day, come back Tuesday to address.

   I went home and wrote them an email that I resign effective today. Within an hour, my access to company email, buildings, and voicemail was cut off.

   Companies can become unwitting little mobsters. This is absolutely my experience, 100%. I am not perfect, it’s true. I did have some professionalism slips in all of this, both in being an unwitting little mobster and in being too honest with too many people about my experiences when they started to go south.

   This article really, really helped me clear in my head why I ended up having to abruptly leave a job I was otherwise successful and satisfied with.

   Thanks, and although I have learned from my bully boss, I vow never to become one.

Dear ABC,
I am just curious. I seem to be having all of these problems with a supervisor and know that I am not the one at fault. But how do I get anyone to listen to my side of the story as it is never heard.

Every time management comes to me I am told a story that is only a little piece of the truth and find that the rest has been twisted or made up, even when they say I said things. What do I do?

I seem to have no one backing me in this store and I am not the only one having problems with this supervisor.

The only other associate that was willing to speak up is one of my best friends and yet management has said that we are just ganging up on this supervisor.

It makes me sick to my stomach as my job is being jeopardized every day and I have 3 children and a household to support. I cannot lose my job as where I live it is very hard to find a new one.

I am lost and confused and have no where and no one to turn to.

Dear Curious,

You are in a very difficult, but typical workplace bullying situation, when it is a “closet bully” that you are dealing with. A “closet bully”, is a type of bully, whose need to hide their compulsion to emotionally abuse others, is as great as their psychological need to do so in the first place. In the workplace their compulsion to abuse others is accomplished through the misuse of their position of power which they hold within the company. At this stage of the game, the bully is emotionally abusing you by using half and/or twisted lies against you. When you react emotionally, the bully uses this against you as well, putting your mental health, competency and loyalty into question.

The “closet bully” is highly skilled in using their emotional intelligence and charm to manipulate others against the target. It is often very surprising to everyone, especially the target, when the closet bully’s true nature is revealed. The term “Jekyll and Hyde like” has been used a number of times in anti-bullying literature when authors try to drive home this very important aspect of this type of bully’s behavior. It is nearly impossible for targets to get others to see their perspective and to believe that the bullying is really taking place, because it’s so unbelievable. Much of the bullying is done behind closed doors, and in covert ways, such as the liberal use of innuendo, nit-picking and trivial fault finding. MOST of the time, trying to get others “to listen to your side of the story” by using the following methods, are a wasted effort, here’s why:

• Trying to talk it out with the bully or to reason with the bully. Why? You can not reason with a bully because a bully’s complaints are not valid nor based on reason.
• Talking to the bully’s direct supervisor. Why? Often the bully’s direct supervisor hired the bully and therefore, and/or by level of responsibility, is responsible for the bully’s behavior. An upper manager who acknowledges the existence of their middle manager’s negative behaviors is admitting their own failure and inability to control their subordinates behaviors.
• Going to Human Resources. Why? Human Resources primary function is to protect the employer, not the employee. It is easier and the path of least resistance, to follow the directives of upper management than to stick up for a low level employee.
• Asking coworkers to become involved. Why? Coworkers who believe the target, and talk to the bully, the bully’s manager or the company’s Human Resource Department, often find themselves to be a target of workplace bullying. Studies and target’s testimonies, have revealed that bullies will sometimes back-off the original target, to intensely victimize and take down a supporter, usually a supporter who is weaker and easier to take down than the original target.

For all of these reasons a bullying campaign, which often develops into a bullying and mobbing campaign, is a very complex phenomenon to first understand, believe, and then to overcome, many times impossible.

What do you do if the usual means of understanding one another in the workplace are thwarted as in the above mentioned ways? You find yourself “lost and confused” with a job “you cannot lose” and “3 children and a household to support with no where and no one to turn to?” When talking doesn’t work, what’s left? STOP TALKING!

I have found that the best way to deal with a bully boss and any little mob that they’re able to manage to pull together, is to NOT REACT to anything they do or say. It must always be kept in mind that THE TRUTH REMAINS THE SAME regardless of what is said or done to make you and others feel or think otherwise. It is important to know that the bully’s primary objective is to engage you in battle, to manipulate, subjugate and control you. Bullying attacks are premeditated with the intention of not just hurting, but destroying, to take their target down.

If you deny your bully the gratification of a reaction, the bully will probably move on to someone else. It can sometimes be that simple. Don’t give the bully what he/she wants, a reaction. The following points are all based on the primary objective which is: DO NOT REACT! and…..

• Continue to be the good, loyal, hardworking employee that you have always been.
• Continue to be the reliable “go to person”, that is always easy for coworkers to approach and get help from.
• When a bully attacks, defend, do not attack back. Always respond calmly with statements that succinctly demonstrate the truth. For example, when confronted with a lie, state the truth and when ever possible back the truth up with objective evidence. For example, if your bully says that your productivity is down. Show the statistical reports that prove otherwise.
• Keep a journal of your bullying experience. Record even minor incidents or incidents that you’re not sure about. Keeping a journal makes this experience real and is self validating while clarifying these events for future reference. While writing and reflecting about the details of various events, you may gain insight in retrospect that didn’t occur to you at the time it took place.
• After a bullying attack, never discuss the incident with coworkers. Behave as though nothing at all is wrong.
• Never say negative things against your bully. Instead, act concerned and/or perplexed when others question the bully’s behavior.
• Start looking for a new job. Having insight and information about the phenomenon of workplace bullying and mobbing will make this experience easier for you but may not be able to save you from the ultimate likely outcome which is suddenly being fired by your bully. One way or another 80% of targets lose their job within two years, once chosen as a target. It could be physical or emotional illness, suicide or going postal in extreme cases, that causes you to lose your job. It’s best to go about finding a better job while you’re still employed. You will be more likely to find the job of your dreams, if you have adequate time, rather than being forced to take any job because of a sudden loss of income.
• Find support for yourself outside of your workplace. Contact your state’s BullyBuster group which are affiliates of the Workplace Bullying Institute in Bellingham, Washington state and founded by Drs. Gary and Ruth Namie. Here’s a link to their site:

www.bullyinginstitute.org.

I wish there was more hopeful information I could share with you, but the bottom line is that being a target of a workplace bully and his or her little mob, is probably the most difficult situation you’ll ever find yourself in. Isolation caused by the bully, denial by everyone involved, and a general lack of information in the United States about the phenomenon makes being a target a very lonely place to be, for sure, but nothing important is easy. The saving grace being two things, one being this experience may motivate you to get out there and find the job of your dreams! Wouldn’t that be a kick in the pants? Just think of it – someday you may be at a new job in which you couldn’t be happier, with a wage to match, and you would have never found this opportunity if you weren’t forced to by your bully. More importantly, you learned first hand, one of the most important lessons of human nature that exists. In grade school we were shown real footage from the atrocities of World War 2. One movie showed emaciated dead bodies being thrown down shoots from second and third floor windows, into open trucks on the street below, to be taken away for burial into mass graves. The teachers justified showing such horrific footage to young children by saying it was important that we know what happened so that our generation could stop it from happening again. This continued to haunt me as an adult because although I knew what happened, and even studied it further, I still didn’t understand how Adolf Hitler was able to get so many people, to do such atrocious things, things that they would normally be incapable of. I then learned about workplace bullying and mobbing, now I know, and you do too. ABC

BusinessWeek

Employers Can’t Ignore Workplace Bullies

A recent court ruling has implications for business. Adopting an anti-bullying policy can improve morale and help avoid legal trouble

by Karen E. Klein

Click on the first link below to read this full article on

BUSINESS WEEK. Links are underlined below.

Last month, the Indiana Supreme Court ruled in favor of a hospital employee who sued a surgeon for emotional distress and assault based on his treatment of the person at work. The ruling drew national attention as an acknowledgment by the courts of workplace bullying both as a phenomenon and as legal terminology, says Garry Mathiason, chair of the corporate compliance practice group at labor and employment law firm Littler

http://www.businessweek.com/smallbiz/content/may2008/sb2008057_530667.htm

Click the link below to read ABC’s Published On-line comment regarding the article titled “Employers Can’t Ignore Workplace Bullies”. ABC’s on-line comment has been shortened to fit within BusinessWeek’s word count limit.

http://app.businessweek.com/UserComments/combo_review?action=all&style=wide&productId=30940&productCode=spec

ABC’s comment regarding the article; Employers

Can’t Ignore Workplace Bullies. Full Edition printed in it’s entirity below. By ABC

Thank you for this article inclusive of those two, very important words, “workplace” and “bullying”, which when put together as in “workplace bullying”, defines a predictable phenomenon, with the potential for life altering, devastating, emotional and physical adverse health effects. These words first came together in Europe decades ago, where in many countries, especially The United Kingdom, there are laws against it. Phrases such as “stress breakdown” and “emotional injury” are common knowledge in their workplaces and those who breakdown in tears at the hands of a bully on the job, are immediately physically separated from the bully, and emergency emotional first aide is administered. Thank you for explaining that this ruling in The Indiana Supreme Court, is essentially an acknowledgement of the validity of the term “workplace bullying” as a definable legal term, as well as a definable, predictable phenomenon. This now, being just the beginning of our understanding of the phenomenon in this country, have a long way to go before those who refer to and speak out against “workplace bullying (and mobbing)” are taken seriously, and not for the whining crybabies they are thought to be. Truly knowing and understanding workplace bully and mobbing, is knowing that true bullies abuse their positions of power and influence, to not only hurt their targets, but to destroy them. True bullies are often “successful pyschopaths”, and predators, who manipulate the target’s coworkers into unwittingly participating in the abuse. Understanding workplace bullying and mobbing, is knowing that it is likely the largest hidden expense in business today. Lets learn to recognize it, name it, and end workplace bullying and mobbing together! ABC

I am the victim of workplace bullying and mobbing and I was just fired from my job of 9 years.

Dear ABC

I am the victim of workplace bullying and mobbing and I was just fired from my job of 9 years. I didn’t know this was what it was until I saw your response to a posting on the Dr. Phil web site. It was the first time in two years that I feel like I can finally put a name to something I have been suffering through. I knew my civil rights had been violated but I also knew there was something so much more.
Now I have no job, and if I agree to say that I resigned rather than they fired me, they will let me keep my benefits for 3 months. This is because they know I am on several medications for depression, anxiety, and paranoia. I’ve also been diagnosed with adult ADD because I couldn’t concentrate or focus at work because I was afraid I would make a mistake or miss something. I’ve lost 60 pounds over the past 2 years as well and I am very nervous and jumpy. I loved working at my job and begged for more education but was continually turned down. But all of my co-workers were given all the opportunities they wanted. Some were even encouraged to take more when they weren’t interested.

I still feel very betrayed and embarrassed because I had no warning other than my womans intuition. I was called to the HR office and when I walked in there was an HR representative, my manager, and an attorney from the integrity department of my employer waiting for me. I was told my job performance was unacceptable, I had sent some inappropriate e-mails, (of which I have no idea what they are talking about), I was on the computer too much, (I was doing my job), and that was my last day of work and to turn in my badge. I requested copies of all the documents they stated they had against me and they said they had them but they did not show them to me.
I was researching the State standards in which we needed to follow in order to be in compliance and my manager didn’t like it. It was because I tried to explain to her, in private, the way she was having me perform my job was not in line with the State and Federal guidelines. This was done per her request. This being a new function for me and a new position at our company, no one was fully adverse on all aspects required to bring us into compliance. I was merely doing what was instructed of me, when I did it was used against me. And, my co-workers were involved by reporting back to her on every move I made and when I did what, who I spoke to, you name it.

By the time I was fired, no one was speaking to me. I was lucky to get a good morning response even though I said good morning every day. No one deserves to be treated like I was treated and I need some direction as to what I can do to stop it from continuing. I’ve been pulled into two separate meetings at that company without legal representation when there was a company lawyer in the meeting. There has to be something wrong with that. Any direction you can offer would be greatly appreciated. God bless.
Robin Towery

Dear Robin,
Wow, you packed in so much information about your situation, that I feel as though I understand exactly what you are going through. In addition, being a phenomenon, “bullying and mobbing” stories often share amazing similarities. A lot of what you wrote, I feel as though I too, experienced the same thing. There are so many things for you to think about, and do, now that you are no longer employed. It is important to establish your priorities.
The first priority is survival. Now that you are out of that hostile environment, your chances of surviving it have improved tremendously – Congratulations! You have been relieved of the horrible abuse you’ve been subjected to for so long! Inhale the freedom and smell the roses. Celebrate! At least for a little while! I am so happy that you no longer have to subject yourself to the mistreatment. What you’re describing is classic “work place bullying and mobbing” which is health damaging. It’s all very predictable. Once chosen as a “target”, 80% lose their jobs within two years due to being fired as you were, or due to illness, quitting, or at worse, suicide. So being fired is a typical outcome under your circumstances, nothing unusual at all, just devastating to you, the target. The weight loss and nervousness you describe are the affects of the “hyper-vigilance” common amongst “targets” of workplace bullying and mobbing. Now that you are relieved of this stress, you can recover both physically and emotionally, moving forward, and I hope never looking backward again.
Whether you take the 3 months benefits or not depends on how badly you need the 3 months benefits. It’s only a question of survival, not a question of the truth. The truth will remain the same regardless. You MUST pay attention to your physical and mental health right now. If you need the benefits in order to do that, give them the word “resigned” rather than the word “fired” to make those benefits available to you. It’s only a word that doesn’t change the reality of the truth. If this should all turn into a legal matter some day, you have the truth to fall back on. The ugly truth being that you were threatened with the loss of your benefits, if you didn’t lie. That is very easy to believe because it IS the truth, which you believed your survival depended on. You were forced to lie. Once you take care of your physical and mental health by using their benefits or your savings, comes the necessary job of getting on with the rest of your life. Again, the number one priority is surviving, or a means of support. If there is no one in your life who is willing to support you, that means getting another job.
The biggest barrier to finding the job of your dreams after a bullying experience are the barriers you may create yourself because of the self-esteem crushing affects the bully may have imposed upon you. It’s important to try to remember what your job was like before the bullying. Like you, the vast majority of targets have been with their employer for many years. During the early years of their employment, targets are well liked and considered a valued employee by all. Then for reasons that are not always clear, all of this changes. The typical target finds disfavor with their boss over seemingly trivial matters, then the previously normal friendliness and mutual respectfulness between coworkers that we often take for granted, slowly fades away, then, is suddenly gone. When the target finally comes to wonder what could have possibly gone wrong to change all of their working relationships so profoundly, it’s far too late.
What most targets do not realize, is that a bully starts planting the seeds of deceit well before the target even has a clue that a problem exists. Some bullies prefer to do all their bullying activities covertly, using coworkers whom they have manipulated into carrying out all overt bullying activities exclusively. My point being, there is always a ringleader or “bully” behind the scenes partially, or completely, who is the driving force behind any mobbing activities. Remember, only ONE person is the driving force behind all this trouble.
The motivations and reasons a bully uses destructive behaviors are many and varied but becoming better understood as more studies reveal more of the many complexities of the phenomenon every day. What we already know and what all targets MUST truly know and BELIEVE in their hearts are:
• Targets are NOT at fault for a bully’s behavior and did NOTHING to provoke it.
• Bullies are masters of deception, using Jekyll and Hyde like dual personalities in which only the bully and the current target, may know the true nature of the bully.
• Bullies are convincing, charismatic liars, who are skilled at spreading rumors, innuendo, and half, or twisted truths. They are able to fool the best of us, including themselves, into believing their own lies.
• Targets, who have better than average work performance, popularity, and other positive attributes, may gain the attention of a workplace bully simply by basis of comparison. Bullies may have increased feelings of inadequacy and shame, and think others may also notice their inadequacy, when their performance is compared with that of their target’s.
• When coworkers “gang up” on one person, this is called “workplace mobbing”. A mob is always instigated and controlled by a bully. Usually everyone else involved, are only, and simply, manipulated by the bully into their roles of a workplace bullying and mobbing campaign.
• Bullies often rely on character assassination rather than allegations of poor work performance against their targets, because targets are usually higher than average performers on their jobs.
• When bullies do allege poor work performance against a target, they are usually trivial or they are unable to substantiate their allegations in objective ways, because the allegations are false.
• You cannot reason with a bully. Do not try to find out the reason for the bullying by discussing it, or by otherwise trying to reason with the bully. This may only serve to fuel the fire, or aggravate the bully further, because there is no valid reason for the bullying at all.
• It’s hard for others to believe targets of workplace bullying and mobbing, because, workplace bullying and mobbing is so senseless, it’s hard for most people to believe.

1. “Targets” of workplace bullying and mobbing are described on dozens of anti-bullying web sites. These web sites use the following terms the most, when describing “Targets”;
   • honest
   • hard workers
   • better than average work performance
   • better than average popularity
   • willing to please
   • avoids conflict and confrontation
   • nonpolitical
   • nonconformist
   • avoids cliques
   • high integrity
   • strong work ethic
   • high sense of fairness
   • doesn’t hold grudges
   • and my favorite – “the salt of the earth
   Read the above “what we already know” and “the terms used the most, when targets are described on web sites” again, and as many times as you need to, to let it sink in. Think about it. As Seinfeld’s mother would say “What’s there not to like?” How could anyone, other than a bully that is, not want to hire someone with as many positive attributes as you?
   Not knowing anything about you, other than the words that you wrote me, I am able to pickup on several positive attributes based on that alone. Your ability to tell your story succinctly, while using good grammar and correct spelling says a lot about your attention to detail and intelligence. Your thought processes seem clear and focused. You are not rambling, repeating, nor disjointed. I suspect that any psychiatric symptoms, for example “depression, anxiety, and paranoia and with what was diagnosed as adult ADD” are all related to, and are symptoms of, the emotional injuries you have been sustaining on your job, NOT a pre-existing mental illness. Now that you have been relieved from the exposure of the dysfunction at your workplace, you can at least, sort this whole mess up in your own head, if nowhere else.
   Try to relax and enjoy the first few weeks of living bully-free as much as possible. Give yourself permission to forget about these problems initially. Instead, focus on nutritious eating, light exercise, enjoyable hobbies, and the good company of family and friends whom you don’t work with. Use those medical benefits to get any physical or emotional medical attention that you may need. This is the time to relax and heal.
   After an adequate period of down time, you will know your well on your way to the road of recovery, when you begin to feel curious about other job opportunities. You might have ideas about what to write on your resume or you might see the perfect outfit to wear to an interview. Give yourself a pep talk by remembering all the positive ways you contributed to the success of your old employer. Remember those first 7 years there, when you felt valued? Give examples of your successes during these early years, when speaking with a potential new employer. Borrowing the self-esteem, enthusiasm and examples from an earlier, more positive work experience, may win you the job of your dreams. Wouldn’t that be ironic? Finding the job of your dreams, knowing you never would have found it, if they didn’t fire you first!?!
   There are so many other things to consider during this period of your life. Once you have a plan for your ongoing survival, or a means of support, there remains the question of what to do about this now “past” abuse in your life. The three options that come to mind are:
   Walk away and
   • Forget it
   • Seek revenge
   • Seek justice – What are the legal options To read my opinion about the “revenge” option, Read my article “Revenge, Getting Back at The Bully Boss” on my Word press Web blog. You can get there by clicking on the link below;
   http://antibullyingcrusador.wordpress.com/2008/04/26/revenge-getting-back-at-the-bully-boss-by-abc/
   I think you’ll be most interested in an article I am working on now, which will probably be titled “Seeking Justice, What are The Legal Options”. So keep posted to learn more about the phenomenon of workplace bullying and mobbing. Let’s learn to Recognize it, Name it, and End workplace bullying and mobbing together! Sincerely ABC
   P.S. HELP SPREAD THE WORD ABOUT WORKPLACE BULLYING AND MOBBING BY SHARING THE LINK TO MY WEB BLOG, LINK BELOW.
   http://antibullyingcrusador.wordpress.com/

By ABC

I can tell by the search engine stats that my readers are interested in reading something about how to seek revenge against the workplace bully. How do you go about getting back at the workplace bully? A very common question. I have asked myself that very same question dozens of times. The last time was as recently as two weeks ago when a coworker was brutally emotionally bullied. Immediately after, with my outrage still fresh against this senselessness, I wanted more than anything, for the bully to feel the pain that she caused my coworker for no damn good reason at all! At least us victims of work place bullies have a fair reason to want to exact damage on our tormentors. Don’t we? Well yes, but if we intentionally do something that would cause the bully in our life emotional pain, wouldn’t that make us bullies too? Well yes, and that’s only one reason why us targets need to take the higher road.

Almost twenty years ago I learned something from a man named Roy Masters. He runs an organization called The Foundation of Human Understanding. He has always taught that people have a tendency to actually become what they resent. An example being, people who were molested as children have a greater tendency to become a child molester as an adult than someone who was not molested.

Just knowing of this tendency, to become what we resent, leaves me wanting to avoid it, simply by being mindful to do so. To learn more about this principle, and the fascinating teachings of Roy Masters, click on the link to Roy Master’s web site, which is on the blog roll, on the right side-bar of this page.

Another thing that must be considered is the level of pain that the average workplace bully is experiencing already, without our help. Have you ever spent time reading on the Internet about what are thought to be the motives of bullies, causing them to behave in this way? These people are really very mentally or emotionally disturbed individuals. Whether their destructive behaviors are symptoms of a physiological brain abnormality, or whether they are learned behaviors, either way, workplace bullies are not happy people. I suspect that although many of them are incapable of feeling empathy, that they do suffer a type of pain, a kind of pain that we are not familiar with. I believe this pain, this rage, that I have seen in a bully’s eyes, is what drives their destructive behaviors. I believe them to be in a very lonely, dismal place, and deserving of our pity and our prayers.

Although I don’t hesitate to defend myself against a bully, I have yet to utter a cruel lie against one or spread malicious, hateful rumors. It must be considered that it is precisely our reaction to a bully, that will fuel the fire or prove to extinguish it. A major bullying tactic is to provoke a target to anger, then use that angry episode as an example against the target. Being bullied by three different people, in a span of 32 years, I can tell you I reacted in every conceivable way possible. I found out along the way that certain behaviors or reactions are more advantageous than others.

When I was younger, and filled with youthful passion, the senselessness of bullying behavior made me nuts! This too, was way before learning about the phenomenon of workplace bullying and mobbing. When a target knows nothing about bullying and mobbing, the experience they find themselves in, makes no sense at all. It’s creates an emotional crisis, which the target has no experience with. The target may find it hard getting others to believe that their boss is out to destroy them, or to understand the depth of their concern, when accounts of the bully’s issues with the target, often seem rather trivial. And they are trivial. The complaints workplace bullies make against their targets ARE often trivial. The literature calls it “trivial fault finding”. In the United States where most people have never heard the terms “workplace bullying and mobbing”, even the target’s usual sources of support and guidence, often fall short of both understanding and of useful advice.

My less advantageous reactions were made during these early years before understanding the pheonmenon of work place bullying and mobbing. Lashing out angrily is the biggest mistake a target can make only fueling the fire. Don’t give the bully examples of all your negative behaviors. Your bully will use every negative comment against you.

Over the years I’ve come to a place of peace, with the fact of the existence of bullies. I’ve learned to become someone they can no longer provoke. I’ve learned that not reacting, keeps my bully from reacting. If my demeanor is calm and controlled, her’s is. Why? Bullies think in a competitive way. They are always comparing their behavior or performance with that of their target’s, or more importantly, the perception they believe others have. Knowing this, I think she is mindful to behave at least as well as I do. She wouldn’t want it said that I cope, perform or in some other way behave better than she does. Whatever the reason, it’s not really important. What’s important is realizing that my bully’s behavior often mirrors my own, and using that knowledge to my own advantage.

As I’ve matured over the years and through these experiences I’ve become more peaceful as I’ve become less fearful. I now know who they are and what they want. I know they are nothing more than big, bad, old bullies….and there’s nothing scary ’bout bullies no more… Live your life in happiness, and mean no one, no harm. That’s the best revenge there can ever be, is…living life well, despite the bullies… ABC

One Response to “Revenge, Getting Back at The Bully Boss. By ABC”

1. katie H, on July 11th, 2008 at 10:19 pm Said: Edit Comment

   Its funny, I was curious if there is such away to get even with a former employer with out getting myself into trouble.
   Someone that coldly swiped my life clean right out from under my feet instantly in a very cruel fashion. Ive been in the dark clueless sense, I will never forget or understand what took place. I was threatened and terrified into loosing my job.
   So angry, so grieving, so bitter, so violated, so much hate that I ever had in my life for a person, that I want revenge and feel I cant wait any longer.This is not the true me. This is not my character. At the same time I know that I cant carry this for the rest of my life but I feel the need to get back in such away that it does not cause me trouble or cost me money, like hiring a Attorney. Thats my issue Iam dealing at the moment.
   Its been 7months sense I lost my job. I knew he was preventing me from getting hired. He is fighting against unemployment compensation. So when a mother like me raising a daughter and almost came close to loosing my home and car, almost come close to having no electricity, water ect..Thats enough, I have an iron fist when my childs life is effected. No one takes from my childs life and thats the way I looked at it. I was happy, my daughter was happy.I had everything I was satisfied with in my life. Then suddenly someone can take all that away. How am I ever going to get an Attorney at this point in life when Iam still barely slowy getting back on my feet.? I hear a lot of ugly stories about people who try to fight legally and go through hell for it and could possibly loose more money. Even if I get on my feet eventualy it could take a while to hire an Attorney by then it will be too late. Iam mad and he needs to be sued for the pain, suffering & fear he caused me and my child and loss of money and for all the money I owe people and bills. I say at least 6 -8 thousand dollars.
   Now you see my point but I do see yours because Iam experienced with work place harrasment and my game was to not react, so they get angrier with themselves and I like to see them make a fool out of themselves. The best part of it all, it attracts an audience of glares from others who look at them like they are mentaly sick.
   So thats why I cant believe my behavior out of this. Its not me but I keep visualising this person having such a wonderfull, full filling life. Iam sure he is happy and he is rich. Has a happy family he can support very well. Everyday Iam feeling the need to do something to make him pay for what he put me and my child through.
   I just wanted you to know your website was the first one I clicked on too. I decided not to continue for others options of getting him back after I read this. Someone up there is telling me to keep staying the same person as I always was before I felt like this. Thats the person who Iam and is why I always had many consistant years with employers. I worked for this company for nine yrs except the last 2 of those nine yrs it was a different owner. Though, honestly I still wont forget what Iam still going through because of him. Naturely of course. Everyday is a reminder. Hopefully in time things will look up and maybe I wont care to think of him anymore or maybe there still might be a chance down the road if its not to late to get an attorney.
   Thankyou, Iam glad you were the first website I clicked on to. To remind me of who Iam and I realize I need to not to forget that. I realize he is still controling my life in such away because I let him get the best of me especialy my sanity but I know that if I continue this kind of behavior I could crack up and could damage my thinking process to keep moving forward in a possitive way.

   ——————————————————————————————–
   ABC replies;

   Dear Katie,
   Wow! I could feel the hate as you describe your bully boss! God Bless You! and thank you so much for sharing! I was hoping that somebody would comment on this article and I am so glad that you did! People who have never been bullied need to understand how brutally deep a bully can affect a target’s emotions. People need to understand that targets are in a position in which someone, the bully, is literally trying to destroy them. This deeply affects them.

   If you only read this one article, you may not know that I too, am a “target” of workplace bullying and mobbing and truly empathize with your experience. I too, was perfectly happy, in fact I loved my job, until my bully took all of it. First, everything at work, my management position, my professional reputation, relationships with coworkers and the opportunity to network and work together with colleagues. She even put barriers around my desk at one point, isolating me from coworkers, despite knowing that I am hearing impaired. She worsened my health and emotionally injured me, resulting in anxiety, depression, and PTSD. I had days when I literally went hungry, nearly losing my home to foreclosure, after being on a medical leave of absence for several months. I had become anxious and fearful that my bully boss would fire me without notice, or real cause, and that I would suddenly lose my disability and medical insurance benefits. The stress of all of this, spilled into every aspect of my life, and my marriage suffered horribly. I’ve cried buckets of tears, and lost or wasted so much, in so many ways, all at the hands of a workplace SERIAL bully boss. “Serial” meaning she repeatedly, first chooses, then abuses, then eliminates from the job, a “target”. My anger is therefore not only for myself, but for everyone else, who I’ve seen her abuse.

   There was a period of time many years ago, with a different bully, in which I even fantasized about shooting her through the window of her office, and getting away with the crime. One silent shot to the head. No pain, not even a moment of fear. I thought how generous I was being in my fantasy, by dispatching her painlessly.

   Even in my fantasies, I never really wanted to hurt her, or to hurt anyone for that matter. The difference being, is that people like you, and people like me, are just not bullies. It is not in our nature to be hateful to anyone, not even a bully. Live your life in happiness, and mean no one, no harm. That’s the best revenge there can ever be, is…living life well, despite the bullies…

   God bless you, and thank you for being you, and for not changing who you are, due to the influence of a workplace bully. ABC

2. katie H, on July 14th, 2008 at 10:30 pm Said: Edit Comment

   Read your response. Like I said, I never went on to look up things for revenge after reading that. I kind of got sick to my thoughts the way I was thinking. Here it is 7months later and every now and then I have a bad day and my reaction of thoughts automaticly kicks in anger and bitterness. Then I start to blame him and wish I could just make him realize what he has put me through. I know Iam not the only one that has problems, and I know that anger is really a waste of energy and has no use and never solves anything but causes more stress and is like carrying baggage through your life. I read so many books on stuff like that too. Why from time to time do I tend to forget or ignore the things I learned not just from reading but working for so many years of my life? I dont know but Iam glad I eventualy catch myself and realize its so childish.
   When I was looking the other day for revenge tactics I was looking for something that I can maybe put out in the media which would be true not lies anyways or some kind of blogs to complain about and to beware of his bussiness. Which would be all true too, hehe. Or something funny that who knows I might have regret it if I got carried away.
   So far Iam still fighting unemployment over him so I know he has to keep replying to them all the time.WEll that isnt really getting back, just a reminder for him everyday he is still dealing with me. I know I would never want to do anything illegal or harm no one. Its not in me. Sometimes I felt I never wanted to give up trying to find away to get back at him in the past first few months after loosing my job. So I tryed complaining to his headquarters, tryed to get help to investigate his bussiness through a news station, complained to the head office of unemployment, sent a complaint to civil rights organization. Guess what? no response. I thought these people must think iam nuts when I truly in my heart thought I had a case that should be looked into. I felt like a fool, like I must be a laughing stock here. I think that is what really got to me then. A couple months go by and again I get into one of my mood swings.
   I just do not think its right that an employer can all of a sudden decides to threaten you and fire you, scare you so much that Iam scared to trust working for anyone anymore. Its because I was not prepared to loose my job this way.So sudden and before you know it the unknown whats going to happen down the road is frightening. He was the only one I had a problem with. Everyone else, that is the employers, were all good people. I loved my job and the people that I worked with. My previous mannager was upset about the way the owner handled the situation with me. At the time he was at another location working while I was working with a manager in training at our location. The owner has severel bussinesses. Anyways he has done some sneaky underhanded things with both the manager and me. Like bouncing our pay checks and tryed to fight it. So sometimes I wished I never worked for him and wished I followed my instincts when I saw the first signs of feeling unconfortable about him and not trusting him. If I had followed those instincts and started looking for another job long ago maybe I would not be in this situation. Sometimes we cant see the future but its here and I just have to move on. I can wish I did this and done that and Its unfair and is not right. This is life and I need to get over it.
   So hey Iam feeling myself again to day and I have to say that so far I did make it this far and still have my home but still struggling slowly. Iam ok and I need to say that there are so many people right now that are out of jobs for one reason or another. Iam sure there are people who are worse off than me. So I do try to keep that in mind. Especialy after reading your website.
   Iam sorry for what you went through, similar to me. Nice to know that we are human and we are not the only ones that hurt right now and while we are healing others are going through their pain and turmoil. You been through alot it sounds like. Thankyou for sharing your experience. So keep your web site going you might be able to help someone again.

By ABC

Some bullies become bullies because of childhood issues of inadequacy and shame. With this type of bully, allegations about poor work performance are rarely the primary tactic used against their target, because it is precisely the typical target’s GOOD performance that draws a bully’s attention in the first place. Bullies often feel threatened by the good performance of their targets. Their feelings of inadequacy intensify when they compare their own performance with that of a good performer and they are also fearful that others will be more likely to see their inadequacies as well.

Bullies deal with this fear of being exposed as inadequate in a number of ways. If they are the target’s immediate supervisor, they may deny their target opportunities in which others will see first hand, their positive attributes. For example, targets will not be chosen to participate in special assignments or committees in which others will see their better than average abilities. They will isolate their targets in any way they can. My bully boss once told me to never initiate conversation with upper managers, naming one upper manager specifically, because as she explained, “they are old fashioned” and prefer “the chain of command” style of corporate communication. Since the centralization of my department to the branch where this specific manager works, I found quite the opposite to be true. This manager has approached my coworkers and I, a number of times, always very friendly and engaging.

Instead of alleging false work performance issues, these bullies make false allegations about the target’s character and ability to get along with others. They will tell a target that no one likes them for example. In my case, my bully boss said that I “intimidate subordinates”. They actually lie about what coworkers say about them, relying on the target’s shame, not to check the validity of the allegations made. Targets who have no understanding of the “bullying and mobbing phenomenon” may actually believe the lies of the bully, not understanding that their manager, or anyone for that matter, is capable of intentionally lying in this way.

Against the common sense of all emotionally healthy people, bullies often instigate interpersonal problems between their subordinates. This serves the bully well by taking the attention away from the bully’s dysfunction onto the dysfunction of their subordinates. An example in my own case was when my bully boss accused me of flowing out work that was incomplete, then told me to ask the coworker who was really at fault, for the details. You can imagine the fireworks that caused!

Just as targets don’t understand the way bullies think, bullies don’t always understand how emotionally healthy people think. That’s what my bully boss didn’t count on. A coworker, having emotionally healthy self esteem, didn’t believe the lies of our bully boss. She had no shame as our bully assumed that she would. She therefore didn’t hesitate to repeat what our bully boss said, thereby validating that what the bully said, were all lies.

It is important for Human Resource professionals to know that when a manager makes allegations about a subordinate’s character, or ability to get along with others, devoid of work performance issues, workplace bullying should be suspected.

Sometimes it’s important to notice what isn’t said. Let’s all learn more about work place bullying and mobbing and be alert and able to Recognize it, Name it and End workplace bullying and mobbing together! ABC

Badbossology.com has a large readership and provides the latest news on bad bosses along with relevant resources to assist people in:

• Understanding and analyzing their boss to develop an action plan
• Protecting themselves safely
• Reducing their boss’s power over them
• Achieving career success in spite of their boss.

Being published on this site, and listed on their “Useful Sites” list, is just one more way to get the word out, about the phenomenon of workplace bullying and mobbing.

Visit this site today to learn more. Let’s Recognize it, Name it, and End Workplace Bullying and Mobbing Together! ABC-AntiBullyingCrusador

IF YOU CANNOT ACCESS THE LINKS ON THE LEFT SIDE OF THIS PAGE, YOU ARE NOT YET AT THE PAGE WHICH SHOWS THE FULL ARTICLE WITH WORKING LINKS. BE SURE TO CLICK ON THE ARTICLE LINK ABOVE, WHICH IS IN LARGER PRINT ABOVE, AND READS;

STOP WORKPLACE BULLYING!, Testimony Provided at CT State Senate Hearing, 2/26/08

WHEN YOU SEE FUNCTIONING LINKS ON THE LEFT, AND THE ARTICLE TO THE RIGHT OF THE LINKS, YOU HAVE ARRIVED.

Home Conneticut Healthy Workplace Bill The U.S. Campaign for Workplace Bullying Laws Support Senate Bill 2554 New Civil Rights Legislation for 2008 Latest News… Educational Articles Bullying Tactics and Consequences Resources for Targets Contact Us Contact Your Legislators Meetings Personal Stories Dark Side of the USFS Existing Law and its Shortcomings Example of Protected Class Job Killer Myths The High Cost of Bullying Peralta Community College District, Oakland City of Berkeley, Commission on Labor City of San Francisco Resolution Healthy Workplace Legislative Bill History Healthy Workplace Bill The Search is on… Find a Legislator People are Talking Maryland Healthy Workplace Advocates Vermont Healthy Workplace Advocates New York Healthy Workplace Advocates National Press Level Playing Field Speakers Bureau Training Canadian Bullybusters! 6th International Conference on Workplace Bullying ********************* ARE YOU IN CRISIS? If you are feeling suicidal, please contact your local crisis line or counselling center. CLICK THE LINKS BELOW Canada USA International If you are concerned about someone being suicidal… CLICK ON THE UNDERLINED WORDS ABOVE ***********************		STOP WORKPLACE BULLYING! Connecticut Healthy Workplace Bill Katherine Hermes, J.D., Ph.D. Connecticut State Coordinator For the Workplace Bullying Institute And Trustee, the Living Trust of Marlene A. Braun P.O. Box 1765 Torrington, CT 06790 Just a little more than two and a half years ago, the term “workplace bullying” meant nothing to me. I am a history professor with a law degree from Duke and a Ph.D from Yale. My best friend was a scientist who worked as the manager of a national monument. Her name is Marlene Braun, and she is the reason I am standing before you now. On May 2, 2005, Marlene’s employer called me to tell me that was dead. I had no idea then what I came to know later: Marlene’s boss, who had bullied her, found out from an email she sent that she intended to commit suicide. He sent two men on a 2-hour drive to the remote monument. He did not call 911. When the men he sent called dispatch and got the U.S. Forest Service, the bully boss forbade the Forest Service to attend to Marlene because she might have a weapon. Indeed she did. She had used it to shoot herself. And she lay there for hours, still breathing, before anyone arrived. She shot herself at 9:30 and died at noon. In her suicide note to me, she said her boss had made her life “utterly unbearable.” He made her death pretty miserable too. Marlene’s journal recounted the story of her bullying day by day, from the times in the office when he would scream at her, to the time he handed her a suspension out of the blue, the first black mark she had in a career of 13 years in government service, to the time he blocked her with his truck on a narrow road in the middle of nowhere and got out and physically threatened her, telling her she had “brought this” on herself. Marlene, who had a rational and scientific mind, became confused, anxious, depressed. She lost 40 pounds in little over a year. When she asked for a medical leave, the first one she had ever asked for, and presented him with a doctor’s note, he told her the note was not good enough. She needed to fill out the long form, the one used for employees who abused the sick leave policy. He saw what was happening to her and he did not care. Even when she was dying, he did not care. This bully wanted Marlene destroyed and he succeeded. This man was not a jerk. He was not an inept boss. I am a historian and I do not know what a psychologist might diagnose him with. My diagnosis: He is the bully we are trying to stop today, the one who is maliciously harming the health of his employee by humiliating her, sabotaging her work, inflicting on her as much pain as he possibly can. Today Marlene’s bully still has a job with the same agency, because like many employers, his agency did not know what to do with him. So they promoted him up and out. I tell you Marlene’s story, because it is the story of targets and bullies. Targets are frequently over-achievers who love their jobs and won’t leave them—and that makes them perfect targets. They will be in there for the long haul, the bully presumes. They exceed the bully in competence. The bully begins to isolate them from their peers and colleagues outside the system. I got a phone call from a young woman this morning who decided she was too fragile to testify. Everything I have told you about Marlene, even down to some of the particulars, is true of her situation also. I could tell you similar stories from every target who ever contacted me. Every single one of them just wants the bullying to stop. If it stopped this minute, you would not have a single lawsuit. For targets, this bill is about sending a message that bullying will not be tolerated, hoping that employers forward that message across their workplaces. The law is necessary, because past experience tells us most employers won’t act on their own. This law addresses a common problem which for years has had no name. It is a fair and just bill. It does not allow someone to sue a bad boss and it especially does not allow someone to sue a good boss. As someone with legal training but who is not a legal practitioner, and as someone who believes strongly in fairness, what impresses me about this bill is its equanimity. The threshold for plaintiffs is high: they have to prove the behavior of their bully was malicious and they have to show it harmed their health. This is a hurdle that is high, but it will provide redress for targets. There is an affirmative defense for employers. If they have acted in good faith to stop the bullying, they are not liable for what the bully does. This legislation is the impetus for the creation of better workplaces all across Connecticut. When bullying stops, people can get down to work. Businesses can be productive. Work life can get less stressful and more rewarding. My friend Marlene thought the best job she ever had was working at the monument. She never stopped loving her work. She would have been happy to do it for many more years to come, until life itself became so unbearable. Because of a bully she couldn’t imagine returning to work, or even spending another day on earth. Thank you for your consideration. http://www.courant.com/news/local/hc-ctbullying0227.artfeb27,0,2169791.story Considering Revised Bill, Lawmakers Hear Stories Of Mistreated Employees Taking On Workplace Bullies By MATT BURGARD | Courant Staff Writer February 27, 2008 Sarah Ford was fresh out of high school when she took a job as a server in a restaurant in Buffalo, N.Y., a 19-year-old eager to show she could make it on her own.But within weeks, Ford found her spirit all but crushed by a verbally abusive boss who chastised her in front of customers and other employees. On one occasion, she recalled Tuesday, her boss leaned into a cabinet full of pots and pans and swiped them all on the floor, then ordered her to pick them all up and organize them.”It was so demeaning. I was down on the floor on my hands and knees in front of all these people,” said Ford, who testified at a hearing before the state legislature’s labor and public employees committee in support of a bill that would crack down on so-called “workplace bullying.” Ford, who two years later works happily at a Starbucks coffee shop in Bristol, said it was hard for her to overcome the emotional trauma she endured on her first job. She said she hopes the legislation being considered — which, if adopted, would be the first law of its kind in the country — will make abusive bosses and co-workers think twice about how they treat their employees. The bill, which has the support of committee chair state Sen. Edith Prague, D-Columbia, is actually a revised version of a similar bill that failed to reach a full vote of the assembly last year because of concerns about how it might affect businesses. In particular, opponents worried that the bill, which would allow workplace bullying victims to sue their tormentors, could expose employers to potential damages even if they had consistently tried to create a safe environment for workers. The new legislation aims to protect employers who have acted in good faith by making them exempt from liability if they can show they took steps to prevent bullying behavior on the part of individual employees or supervisors. Katherine Hermes, who is the head of the Connecticut chapter of the national Workplace Bullying Institute, testified that a national survey conducted last year showed that 34 percent of U.S. workers, or roughly 54 million people, said they had experienced workplace bullying of one kind or another in their lifetimes. Hermes said her best friend, Marlene Braun, a manager of a California national monument area, killed herself two years ago because of constant harassment and intimidation by her boss. Yet although the majority of bullying cases involve instances of bosses bullying their employees, Hermes said the survey showed that an increasing number of cases are being reported in which employees have bullied either fellow employees or, in some cases, their bosses. “It’s a nuanced thing, and sometimes the subordinates have the power over their bosses,” she said. “It’s not always top-down.” Hermes said the survey also showed that, although the majority of bullying victims are women, an increasing number of men have reported being bullied as well. And the majority of people who have been identified as bullies, more than 58 percent, were women, Hermes said. “It’s a changing dynamic,” she said, adding that academic studies are now being done to understand the phenomenon. After Ford tearfully testified about her experience with workplace bullying, Prague said the proposed bill will be put to a committee vote in the months ahead and, from there, would probably need to clear the judiciary committee before making it to the assembly floor. “It makes me very angry that someone would do this to you,” Prague told Ford. “But in the end, he’ll get his.” Contact Matt Burgard at mburgard@courant.com.

By ABC

Some bully bosses have no shame and make no effort to hide their bullying behaviors. These are the screamers, ranters and ravers. They may have tantrums, throw things, pound on desks and fire subordinates on a whim. Often they remain in their position because there is no one in a higher position in which to take them down. These are the CEOs of both small and large companies or owners of small businesses. A frequent example is a physician’s or a dentist’s practice in which the doctor bullies his receptionists, nurses, billing clerks, and even the cleaning crew. Most people would agree that people who behave this way are “bullies”.

Then there is another type of bully boss which most people would not even perceive as a bully. The “closet” bully boss is actually much more prevalent and more dangerous than the ranter or raver described above. This type of bully boss is very cleaver in their ability to hide their bullying behaviors and to manipulate the perception of bystanders against the “target”. Most bullies possess excellent emotional intelligence. The thing that needs to be kept in mind is that true “psycho bullies” are motivated in ways that normal people do not understand. Bullies use their emotional intelligence to cause conflict intentionally. They are not interested in building positive relationships, only ones they can manipulate. Much of their bullying behavior is premeditated. They do not possess empathy.

Closet bully bosses are often also “serial bullies” who choose one target at a time. One study showed that after successfully eliminating a target, they chose another target within two weeks. These bully bosses are capable of behaving normally towards all other subordinates and will even behave normally towards the target, whenever there are witnesses. This method serves the bully boss well, making it difficult for others to believe a target. Often, only the bully boss and the target know the true nature of the bully.

Simply stated, “targets” are good at their jobs and therefore cannot be taken down based on poor job performance. Therefore bullies rely on character assassination, twisted, half or outright lies, rumors and innuendo to subjugate or eliminate their target. Read my article “proud to be a target” to understand how bullies choose their targets.

At the beginning of a bullying campaign the target may actually feel favored by the bully boss. The bully boss often befriends their target at first. The target begins to trust the bully boss and may share information about their weaknesses that the bully boss then uses against the target. After the bully boss gains useful information about the target, the bully may try a few “pass-by nibbles” (read the article about pass-by nibbles, on this blog) to test the targets reaction. Then a full blown bullying campaign begins.

In my first emotional assault, my bully called me into a meeting with her and a Human Resource Rep to “discuss my needs”, only to reprimand me for “intimidation of subordinates”, a grossly twisted, half truth. My bully boss knows how strongly I feel about treating everyone, especially subordinates, respectfully. Knowing this about me, she knew it would be especially hurtful to accuse me of just that. It upset me horribly and I couldn’t stop crying at my desk for most of that day.

This reprimand happened behind closed doors. I was warned not to discuss it with coworkers. My coworkers didn’t hear my boss’s lies or hear her calling me a liar. They didn’t see her disrespect me as she rolled her eyes and clicked her tongue at my responses. They only knew I was reprimanded so severely I cried all day. Bullies delight in observing the pain and chaos they have caused and marvel at their ability to get away with it. Next comes the “mental health card”.

After the Bully boss’s first emotional assault the target reacts emotionally as I did. The bully boss then manipulates the target’s coworkers into feeling privileged to be in her confidence. The bully then feigning concern for the target tells of half or twisted truths, placing the targets mental health, competence and/or loyalty into question. It is often what the bully doesn’t say that causes the most damage. For example: The bully boss brings coworkers into her privileged confidence. The bully then cites a half or twisted truths about the target or will imply that the target caused the bully some kind of deep hurt. The bully then mimicking deep hurt or confidentiality concerns, refuses to share details, leaving everything to the imagination. It must be remembered that they are “masters of deception” and can easily convince others of the target’s negative attributes and how the target has caused them personal concern or injury of some kind. They can be so convincing, some convince themselves into believing the lies that they themselves have fabricated.

Coworkers feeling privileged to be of assistance to their deeply hurt boss will do anything the bully boss asks. This is called “mobbing”.

A full blown bullying and mobbing campaign could be a very critical period for the target who has no understanding of the “bullying and mobbing phenomenon”. Targets who are typically good performers and well liked by coworkers are stunned by the first emotional assault, which is often the first reprimand in their careers. They become obsessed trying to understand why first their boss, then their coworkers turned against them, when there is no valid reason at all!

Suddenly the target’s world is a different place, for reasons they don’t understand. Most targets have enjoyed decades of appreciated successes on their jobs, only to be left in isolated despair. Most targets are forced out of their positions within two years of a bullying and mobbing campaign. Forced out by being fired, resigning, becoming ill, committing suicide or going postal!

All of this could be avoided if every working person had a knowledge of “workplace bullying and mobbing”. If this is the first time you have heard of it, learn more about it today. Who knows, you might be the serial bullys’ next target. Hopefully, someday, every working person will learn to Recognize it, Name it and End workplace bullying and mobbing together! ABC

]]> http://antibullyingcrusador.wordpress.com/2008/04/06/tactics-of-a-workplace-serial-bully-boss/feed/ 123 ABC-AntiBullyingCrusador http://antibullyingcrusador.wordpress.com/2008/03/29/self-growthcom-visit-this-site-today/ http://antibullyingcrusador.wordpress.com/2008/03/29/self-growthcom-visit-this-site-today/#comments Sat, 29 Mar 2008 18:13:23 +0000 ABC-AntiBullyingCrusador http://antibullyingcrusador.wordpress.com/2008/03/29/self-growthcom-visit-this-site-today/ ]]> I recently submitted my websites and an article about work place bulltying and mobbing to Selfgrowth.com and have been accepted as a Selfgrowth.com “expert”. Please visit this website, a tremendous source of self growth information written by experts.

The #1 Self Improvement Site On The Internet! Over 1 Million Monthly Visitors

Joining SelfGrowth.com is just one more way to get the word out about workplace bullying and mobbing. It’s my hope that all working Americans will someday know to: Recognize it, Name it, and End Workplace Bullying and Mobbing Together!

See my articles on this website at these links;

http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/Learn_About_Work_Place_Bully_And_Mobbing_Today.html

and

http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/Isolation_A_Bully_s_Most_Harmful_Weapon.html

I often feel like I am the problem although the Internet Antibullying articles that I have read, say that’s exactly what they want you to believe, that you are the problem. Do others have this problem? Problem Child

Dear Problem Child,

It broke my heart to read your question. It’s sounds like your bully has you doubting yourself by making you believe that you are at fault for what ever problems she is citing. You must know in your heart that you are not at fault and that this is a VERY COMMON TACTIC of bullies. AGAIN, IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT!! YOU MUST BELIEVE THIS WITH ALL YOUR HEART!! When bullies make critical comments about you, they are usually projecting their own inadequacies on you. In other words, if the bully says “you’re stupid”, it is the bully who feels stupid. It’s usually the extra good employees who are targeted by bullies because the target’s good performance makes the bully feel more inadequate about themselves by comparison. So be proud to be a “target” of workplace bullying and mobbing. It takes a special person to gain the attention of a bully! Know this and be proud! It is your GOOD qualities that your bully detests. They can’t stand to see another person shine. More and more adult suicides are the result of workplace bullying. It is this very thing that causes it. Targets not understanding this phenomenon become obsessed trying to understand what the cause of their workplace problems are, when there is no real reason at all, other than the whim of a bully. The targets who don’t understand this, blame themselves, sometimes resulting in suicide. How terribly sad! It’s an important public health message that all working American learn to Recognize it, Name it and End workplace bullying and mobbing together! ABC-Antibullyingcrusador.

PIT BULL NO BULLY

ABC & PATTY

PATTY - ALPHA LEADER

PIT-BULL, NO BULLY

From a personal perspective .

By ABC

I consider myself to be an Internet Anti-bullying activist. I go by the alias “ABC” for short, or “AntiBullyingCrusador”. I know the correct spelling is “crusader” but I spell it “crusador” to indicate that it’s a name, as opposed to a thing. I use this alias whenever I write about “work place bullying and mobbing”. I live in the United States where the phenomena of “work place bullying” is little known, although many of our work places are fully entrenched in a bullying culture.

I didn’t choose this mission of fighting workplace bullying and mobbing. I would have been perfectly happy if I had gone through my career never having experienced or observed the behaviors of those we refer to as “work place bullies” and those who support them, their behaviors referred to as “mobbing”. But, since I was chosen as a workplace target more than once, and observed the devastating effects on others that were also chosen as targets, it has become a moral obligation to do all that I can do to stop this terrible evil in our work places. I have always agreed with the statement that if you don’t try to stop something that is wrong, than you are a part of it. It’s not as simple as just walking away, at least not for me. Walking away may end workplace bullying and mobbing for me, but I worry about the unknown numbers of targets on the brink of suicide or “going postal”, only because of their lack of understanding, of the phenomenon referred to as “workplace bullying and mobbing.”

My first and primary mission is home care nursing. I am a nurse who loves her job and believes in the mission of the home care agency that I have worked for, for almost 30 years. I resent the fact that bullying and mobbing wastes valuable time that would be better served on our shared mission of providing quality home care services.

I have known my bully boss for over 20 years and have worked with the coworkers who support her for several years. I have developed a fondness for my bully boss and her supporters based on the length of our relationships alone, as well as for their many positive attributes. My bully boss is 62 years old and can retire at anytime. She has stopped bullying me and a coworker in recent months. Although I don’t doubt that she is capable of crushing me like a bug, at any time, if she could, I, being of a different nature, would never do anything to destroy her career this late in her game, unless I absolutely had no other moral choice, that being reason to believe, that she again resumed bullying behaviors.

My real name, My bully’s name and my employer’s, and where we reside, can be Any Name, Any City, USA…it could be yours. It is not my intention to expose my bully boss, her supporters whom I refer to as “little mobsters” in my blogs, nor my employer, and the Human Resource Department that represents my employer. They are all unwittingly entangled in the phenomenon of workplace bullying and mobbing. Whether it be a coworker who turned into one of my bully’s “little mobsters” or a Human Resource Rep. who fails to acknowledge the existence of classic bullying and mobbing, they are all playing their roles, almost exactly as predicted on bullying and mobbing articles on the Internet. It’s all very predictable. My “true stories” are true from my perspective, a target of workplace bullying and mobbing. It all sounds unbelievable I’m sure, but that’s what workplace bullying and mobbing is, Unbelievable! There are millions of people just like me, with incredibly similar stories.

Getting the word out about workplace bullying and mobbing is an important public health message, literally saving the lives and emotional and physical health of unknown numbers of targets. This is my only motive, reaching out to those targets whose health and lives are threatened by their lack of understanding of this little understood phenomenon.

It’s my hope that someday, all working Americans will have a thorough knowledge and understanding of the phenomenon of workplace bullying and mobbing. Let’s recognize it, name it and end workplace bullying and mobbing together! ABC

]]> http://antibullyingcrusador.wordpress.com/2008/03/23/abc-antibullyingcrusador-why-the-alias/feed/ 2 ABC-AntiBullyingCrusador http://antibullyingcrusador.wordpress.com/2008/03/17/what-is-a-bullying-pass-by-nibble/ http://antibullyingcrusador.wordpress.com/2008/03/17/what-is-a-bullying-pass-by-nibble/#comments Mon, 17 Mar 2008 05:48:46 +0000 ABC-AntiBullyingCrusador http://antibullyingcrusador.wordpress.com/?p=18 ]]> PASS-BY NIBBLES

Comment by ABC

“Bullying Pass-by nibbles” are referred to several times in this weblog, especially in  “Chapter 5. Two Pass-by Nibbles, Then The Bullying Stopped!” See the article below to learn the origins and background of this phrase and the website associated with it. Visit the link to learn more about workplace bullying and mobbing.  Lets all learn to Recognize it, Name it, and End Workplace bullying and mobbing together! ABC

Click on image to go to The Bullyblaster site

What Is a Bullying Pass-by Nibble?

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About the Author – Abbey Whitehall

Stop Workplace Bullying. Discover How to Speak Up to Save Your Job and Your Dignity. Visit www.BullyBlaster.com and sign up for a free Stop the Bullies newsletter.

Source: http://www.article2.net/ addthis_url = location.href; addthis_title = document.title; addthis_pub = ‘ajun’;

8/6/08 Comment By ABC;

Recently there was some confusion regarding who the author is of the article “What is a Bullying Passby Nibble?” When I tranferred this article from my old website, the first paragraph and the Bullyblaster logo which goes along with this article, didn’t copy over which caused the confusion. I have since corrected that error. Please know that the original source of this article is from “Bully Blaster. com” by Abbey Whitehall who is also the author of the book “Bully Blaster” whch I promote on the right side bar of this weblog. I did write about my personal experiences with passby nibbles in “Chapter 5″ of my “True Stories” series. I apologize for any confusion. Sincerely, ABC

Tara Parker-Pope

March 11, 2008, 1:22 pm

Read this great article by Radha Chitale, ABC News, published March 10, 2008. This is a very popular article with a happy ending. ABC

When Workplace Bullying Goes Too Far

Bullying at Work Puts Employees in Mental Jeopardy

By RADHA CHITALE
ABC News

March 10, 2008 —Medical Unit“I was like a soldier crouched in a foxhole while the shells were exploding around you,” said Bill Lepowsky, a mathematics and statistics professor at Laney College in Oakland, Calif.

“My world went from ordered, sensible and predictable to a nonsense, ‘Alice in Wonderland’ world of insanity,” he said.

Lepowsky’s account is not from a war zone. It’s from his workplace….

Click on the link for the rest. http://abcnews.go.com/Health/MindMoodNews/Story?id=4410909&page=3

Here’s the last few words of this article: …..”and I was the one that fought back the most — and was victorious.” Just so you know it’s a happy ending. ABC
]]> http://antibullyingcrusador.wordpress.com/2008/03/11/when-workplace-bullying-goes-too-far-by-radha-chitale-abc-news-medical-unit/feed/ 0 ABC-AntiBullyingCrusador http://antibullyingcrusador.wordpress.com/2008/02/28/taking-on-workplace-bullies/ http://antibullyingcrusador.wordpress.com/2008/02/28/taking-on-workplace-bullies/#comments Thu, 28 Feb 2008 09:32:45 +0000 ABC-AntiBullyingCrusador http://antibullyingcrusador.wordpress.com/?p=8 ]]> AN ARTICLE FROM THE HARTFORD COURANT (CONNECTICUT, USA) REGARDING TESTIMONIES GIVEN BY TARGETS OF WORKPLACE BULLYING AND MOBBING, FOR LAWMAKERS CONSIDERING A REVISED HEALTHY WORKPLACE BILL.  ABC

Published 2/27/08

Considering Revised Bill, Lawmakers Hear Stories Of Mistreated Employees

Taking On Workplace Bullies

By MATT BURGARD | Courant Staff Writer

February 27, 2008

 

Sarah Ford was fresh out of high school when she took a job as a server in a restaurant in Buffalo, N.Y., a 19-year-old eager to show she could make it on her own.

But within weeks, Ford found her spirit all but crushed by a verbally abusive boss….Click on the link to read the rest;  http://www.courant.com/news/politics/hc-ctbullying0227.artfeb27,0,5312162.story

Here’s the last sentence of this article, my favorite.  Sen. Prague concludes; 

“It makes me very angry that someone would do this to you,” Prague told Ford. “But in the end, he’ll get his.”

…And so will every other workplace bully.  Once all working Americans are familiar with the terms “workplace bullying and mobbing”, workers of every kind, in every state, will know how to Recognize it, Name it, and End Workplace bullying and mobbing together!   ABC

The Day of The Bully and The Saint.  

Dear Sensing,
Prior to the past two years of intense bullying my bully had beenvery subtly bullying me for years. I spent a lot of time trying to figure out what it was all about. I thought she just didn’t like me. I remember the day I found out she’s 15 years older than me. I had always thought she was the same age as me. I was so happy that I figured it out, or so I thought. I was convinced that she wasn’t more friendly because I was like a snot nosed kid to her.Then someone told me she was a bully, not in those words of course,as “bully” is not something that anyone would say about an adult in the United States. I didn’t believe it.Then a new manager called me into his office and asked me all kinds of questions about how I get along with people and I replied that there were no problems, or so I thought.Then this new manager gave me an excellent performance evaluation,one of the best I had with just one comment that seemed odd – that I should try to work harder on my relationships with coworkers. I couldn’t think of anyone I was having problems with. This was when
the bully was a coworker, now she’s my bully boss.

It wasn’t until the eve of a horrific performance evaluation that my bully boss gave me, after she was promoted, when I finally got it. I looked up on the Internet “intimidation at work”. Then all this “bully” stuff popped up on the screen. I read as much as I could that night because this time I REALLY figured it out!

The next day I confided in a coworker who suddenly became very angry in defense of the bully. It was a side of this coworker I never saw before. That eve I read that there is often a secondary person who helps the bully. Oh my God! I confided in the bully’s helper.What a mistake that was!

So, I must be horribly naïve as I could not sense that she was a bully for years! AND I had no sense that the coworker I sit directly across from, had a special relationship with her.

I have since learned however, that there are ways to sense a bully but it takes careful observation. Keep in mind that true bullies do not have the mental capacity to feel the emotion empathy. They are very good at mimicking this normal emotion when they remember to. Observing the many bullies I’ve come across in my life, I have found out that if you watch carefully, they do not always give an appropriate emotional response. I recently read an article that stated that when the bully does this, that is, fails to display normal emotional responses, normal people have a tendency to overlook it. Normal people assuming the bully thinks like they do, actually fill-in memories of the bullys’ response as the way they assumed it was, normal, when in fact it wasn’t. So watch for two things; Lack of emotional response when you would normally expect it. An example being bad news about a coworkers health. The second thing to watch for is the “honeymoon phase” . Watch for anyone in a higher position than yours, who takes a special interest in you. Do not share personal problems or talk about your weaknesses to ANYONE who takes a seemingly over interest in you. A common tactic of bullies is to get to know the target’s weaknesses, then turn it against them. So watch your back. Learn to Recognize it, Name it and End Workplace Bullying and Mobbing together! ABC

How can I stop bosses from being really demanding and rude?

Discouraged in Denver

Dear Discouraged,

There are two general types of demanding, rude managers that you’re likely to come across and they need to be dealt with differently.

The first is a true “bully”. A true bully has emotional or mental health problems which robs them of their empathy and compels them to emotionally assault subordinates. These predators use premeditated tactics intended to control, subjugate or eliminate their “target”. They enjoy watching their target’s distress, that their abuse of power causes. True bullies think in ways that are inconceivable to most people, but they are skilled at mimicking normal emotions which makes them seem quite normal. These bullies use subtle tactics or abuse behind closed doors. They choose one target at a time. These factors make it hard for others to believe that the target’s reported abuse is real. This helps the bully turn coworkers against the target. By using lies, twisted or half truths, together with feigned concern for the emotional distress the target begins to display, the bully manipulates coworkers into participating in the abuse. This is called “mobbing”. Once chosen as a target, there is an 80% chance that the target will be forced out of their position within two years. These bullies then choose another target within two weeks after elimination of a current target.

The second type of demanding, rude manager is simply arrogant, believing the importance of their position entitles them to treat subordinates as hand-maidens. Their rudeness is not premeditated and is often intensified by their stress level. They do not intend to hurt others and often don’t realize that they are.

Arrogant bosses often respond to honesty and flattery. Tell your boss you would like to meet with them to discuss a “problem”. Start the meeting by acknowledging the importance of the boss’s role in the company and state your commitment to supporting them in their role. Give examples of positives things you do that supports them. Then tell the boss that sometimes you are spoken to or treated in a ways that you don’t deserve. Describe what you mean and how certain behaviors make you feel. For example, “When you yell at me it makes me nervous and less able to understand your directions”. Give examples of positive behaviors that help you help them. For example, “When you demonstrate the way you want me to do it, I can do it the way you want, correctly, the first time”. After the meeting, make positive comments whenever the boss behaves in the positive ways you suggested. For example, “Thank you for taking the time to show me how to do this, I know I’ll do it correctly now”. If the boss lapses back to old behaviors, give reminders. For example, “Remember, it makes me nervous when you yell, lets continue when you can speak to me calmly”.

The first type, the true “bully”, is obviously more difficult to deal with. These people are dangerous to a “target’s” emotional and physical health. It’s best, whenever there is a way possible, to just leave a job in which you have become a target of a true bully. There are many reasons why people can’t leave their jobs, if that is the case, as it is for me, there are ways to minimize the bullying.

First, reduce your exposure and interaction with the bully as much as possible. Do not get into an elevator with a bully, take the stairs. Do not enter the restroom, if you see the bully enter first. Do not sit near the bully during a meeting or at lunch. Do not try to reason with the bully or engage the bully in a discussion to try to find out the reasons for the abuse. Remember, this type of bully thinks in ways that are inconceivable to you. You cannot reason with this type of bully and there is no valid reason that they are treating you this way, other than their whim or amusement. If a bully goes into a tirade, simply state that you will talk with them when they can talk to you calmly. Then hangup the phone or walk away. When you can’t avoid the bully, be polite but brief, such as saying “good morning” and interact as minimally as possible in the course of your job.

DO NOT REACT to anything this bully says or does. This type of bully is motivated and is entertained by your distressed reaction. If you don’t react, they may choose a more entertaining target. No matter how distraught you may feel, NEVER show these emotions on the job. Cry at home. At work be a pillar of emotionalstrength and stability. Bullies will use any sign of weakness against you.

Build strong relationship with coworkers. Be supportive and go the extra mile to help coworkers whenever possible. Give no one a reason to complain about you. Then, tell select coworkers when you are treated badly by the bully, but do so carefully and calmly, not excessively or distressfully. Don’t seem angry or distraught, instead seem perplexed and concerned for the bully. Make coworkers your allies by showing them the nasty e.mails or telling them the exact words the bully used, then ask their opinion. Also, be sure to show them articles about work place bullying and mobbing.

If the bully states that someone else made a complaint against you, go to that person and apologize. Every time I took this approach, the person I apologized to, denied ever making the complaint against me. Respond in a perplexed way and if your bully e.mailed or otherwise documented the complaint, show them the documentation. This person not knowing the true nature of the bully, like you the target does, will want to straighten things out with the bully boss. The bully boss will be taken by surprise and will seem really foolish trying to explain why they made a complaint, on behalf of someone who never make a complaint.

Know this – bullies often choose a target because they are threatened by the target’s good performance and/or popularity which increases the bully’s feeling of shame or makes their feelings of incompetence seem more evident by comparison. Don’t point out your successes to your bully boss thinking this will gain your boss’s approval. Instead, keep successes to yourself and congratulate yourself, knowing that each compliment and/or positive outcome for your company validates your true value to the company as opposed to your bully’s lies. Know that positive observations by others in the company may win you a transfer to a better position and will make your bully boss seem foolish to others when he makes invalid negative comments about you.

The bully’s biggest weakness is fear that their true nature will be exposed to others. If you can muster the emotional strength, subtly and with confidence and courage, let the bully know that you have a knowledge of the phenomenon of “work place bully and mobbing” and that you perceive the bully’s behavior as that which the literature on the Internet describes as that of a “work place bully”. Like most people, the bully probably never heard of the phenomenon. When the bully sees themselves accurately described on the Internet, and learns that there is a growing momentum to spread the word about it, the bully will be filled with fear of exposure and hopefully will steer clear away from you and any mention of “work place bullying”.

Most of all, live well and be happy. No one will believe the bully’s lies if your performance, demeanor, productivity and emotional stability prove otherwise.

I know this was a long answer to a seemingly simple question, but work place bullying is really a very complex thing. Hope this helps some folks out there. ABC

-Comments;

User: anonymous

Date: 4/3/2008 8:18:00 PM

Thank you so much for your insightful article. Having just worked for the President of a company who was a bully, your words about “true” bullies, resonated and truly made me know that I am not alone.

————————————————

User: anonymous
Date: 4/30/2008 2:22:00 AM

I have to say, it took me a while, maybe ten years of working, to figure out what I really wanted: a) to work part-time not full-time, even if it means less income bc it’s all I can do with my stress levels, and b) find good people to work with. Not perfect people, but people whose idiosyncracies I can stand. Last year, I was busy complaining on these boards about the hell I was in with my boss. I saved up enough money, then quit. It was scary quitting without another job ahead of me. I had to contract for awhile with no steady income but a little here and a little there. Then with my good luck and help from God, one of those contract people needed a permanent employee – that was me! I was hired about seven months after I quit. It was a hard period to get through, but within a year, it’s been a nice change. I can look back at where I was before and I just hated it. I hated the person I worked for. Now, my good boss seems even better knowing where I’ve been. It takes courage to walk away but I believe if you put yourself financially in a position to do it, it’s the best thing to leave.

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Comment from shopgirlove | Email shopgirlove
5/2/08 8:43 PM | Permalink

Delete Comment Block This Screen Name

Thank you, thank you! I’m experiencing the psycho-kind of bullying. Nothing I do or say seems to make a difference. Avoidance has definitely been the best policy…difficult in my position. But a life saver. Also: “I’m sorry, what do you mean?” She is a master at innuendo and challenging her to get specific instances of where I’ve gone wrong always leads to “you know what I’m saying, you know?” I have started to reply with”no, actually, I don’t” She doesn’t seem to know how to respond to that. It’s served me well.

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Comment from drpharmacy | Email drpharmacy
7/7/08 2:14 AM | Permalink

Delete Comment Block This Screen Name

I agree with the concept presented of a true bully. This type of bully is sociopathic in his or her dealings with employees. While avoidance is best whenever possible, there may be times when you cannot. Things that I have done that have worked are: 1) Documentation: very important–who-what-when-where-why, and if necessary, how. Save e-mails and any written media. 2) Hotline complaints: in our corporation, we have a compliance hotline. Complaints go directly to the bully’s boss, sometimes two levels up depending on the position. These complaints are anonymous, and to this date no one (by policy) has been retaliated against. 3) Direct confrontation: although unpleasant, STAND YOUR GROUND. If the issue is something illegal, tell them point blank what your options are if they do not cease. Bullies do not like people who stand up to them, especially if it makes them look foolish or stupid in front of other employees. 4) Do not go behind closed doors alone with this person. If you must, tell furnish a tape recorder, and if they protest, tell the bully it’s this or a live witness.

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Comment from dds35day | Email dds35day
7/8/08 10:40 AM | Permalink

Delete Comment Block This Screen Name

Thank you for your insight. I have a bad bad bully boss. She fits the nasty psycho boss- she definitely does not like my good work- I appreciate your advice to essentially get out ASAP. She’s pernicious. It’s been really getting me down very badly- like seriously depressed- The interesting thing is my twin just broke out of an abusive marriage after 28 years- I see this as very similar. She is fake in any real nice ness- her sniping and put downs are endless and very accomplished-
she’s good at it. i feel sometimes like i have knife wounds when I leave work.The board came here & talked to staff. we hoped they would help. it did not. they told on us- though they swore they would not. so, my experience is dont expect any body else to help. said but true. the board made it worse- they know her professionally for 25 years- what did we expect?

I am trying to get out now. I’m so down it’s hard though.

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ABC responds to dds

Dear dds,

I always feel so sad when I read comments like yours. It’s such a pity that the bullies in our workplaces make so many people depressed like you described. You want to seem upbeat and confident to a prospective new employer which is tough, because the depression robs you of the motivation and confidence you need to land the job of your dreams.

First things first and in your situation you need to lighten the burden of the depression that you’ve been carrying around before you can move forward and out of this situation. You may be able to lift your mood by yourself, without outside help, by simply coming to some hard conclusions about your life, then making the necessary changes to improve the quality of your life. In other words you need to get to the place in your mind, where you’ve come to the final conclusion that nothing is going to change your bully boss, despite your best efforts. and there is nothing you can possibly do to change that. You need to give up on the notion that there is something you or something someone else can do, to change your bully boss. Once you’ve officially given up on your current job in your mind, you may feel the need to grieve for it. Most targets love their jobs, often holding their positions for decades, and strongly identify with their position as a big part of who they are. It’s natural and normal to grieve over any kind of loss. Losing a job that a person loves and strongly identifies with, can be devastating.

Once you’ve come to these hard conclusions, you should take some time off from the job in order to grieve over your loss, and plan your exit. It’s important to take care of yourself during this critical period. Eat nutritious foods, take vitamins and do light, fun exercise. Spend quality time with family and friends that you don’t work with. Get creative and indulge in flexing your creativity by reestablishing old hobbies and pastimes. Relax.. Sleep as late as you want for several days in a row. After you feel rested and relaxed, indulge in feeling relief, relief that now you are finally ready to make the necessary changes to rid yourself of your bully for good. Feel the joy of knowing that everything you do from this point forward is in anticipation of your new job. The position of your dreams with a wage to match! Then, return to your job filled with the joy of your new little secret, that you have embarked on a job search.

If the depression does not lift, and you find you simply cannot move forward, it is important to seek both medical and psychological professional help. Start with your general practitioner. Tell the doctor the simple truth about your circumstances. Include information about the duration and severity of your depression. Are there physical symptoms as well? Do you think about suicide or self harm? Are you suffering from insomnia, over eating or are you unable to eat at all? The doctor may advise a period of time away from work, which could be the period of time off I mentioned above. Sometimes it’s necessary to take antianxiety or antidepressant medications, at least initially. With antidepressant medication it’s important to take the medication for at least a few weeks before you feel the full affect. Antidepressant medication may give you the additional boost of motivation you need to start your new job search and antianxiety medication may give your self confidence a boost, a necessity during a job interview. There is no shame in needing help to get you through this crisis. Keep in mind, any mental or emotional symptoms you are experiencing, are the result of emotional injuries that you are sustaining at the hands of a workplace bully. It is not a mental illness, or a weakness on your part of any kind. It takes courage to admit when we are down and in need of support from outside of ourselves. So if you do need help, be courageous today and seek the help that you need.

Either way, once you are ready to move forward with your plan to find another job, make this the new focus of your life. As long as you are still employed, you can take your time to find the job of your dreams. With this new focus, let the trivial problems of workplace bullying take second place in your life and consider your job search the most important project of your life. There are tons of things on the Internet regarding everything you need to know to find the job of your dreams. There are sites about how to write your resume as well as loads of information regarding how to prepare for interviews. There’s information about how to dress, what to ask and what to consider while job searching etc, etc.. There are also many sites on the net in which jobs are posted or you post your qualifications for prospective employers. Have fun on this new project as you learn and go through this experience. If your job search is extended due to the thoroughness of your search, so what? You’ll get better and better at interviewing and your confidence will boost your chances for more diverse opportunities.

Good luck dds, you have what it takes to land the job of your dreams, now go for it! ABC

“Work Place Bullying and Mobbing” are terms that most people in the United States are unfamiliar with, although according to the Workplace Bullying Institute’s – Zogby survey on workplace bullying, this problem is of epidemic proportions affecting 49% of workers nationally. Workplace bullying is defined by the Workplace Bullying Institute as repeated, health-harming mistreatment in the form of verbal abuse, threats, intimidation, and humiliation.This is a silent epidemic in that 49% of workers still deny observing this phenomenon in their workplaces. Work place bullying is often done covertly, behind closed doors, most frequently by serial bullies who chose one target at a time. The bully often employs the help of the “target’s” coworkers, which is called “mobbing”. Gossip and rumors of half or twisted truths about the target, are one of the primary tactics used by bullies to manipulate coworkers into participating in the abuse as well as isolating the target. What’s so strange about this phenomenon is that targets are usually better than average employees who are cooperative and start off popular with coworkers. The target is devastated by the abuse and isolation that she/he doesn’t understand nor know how to stop because there is no reason for the abuse! Bullies usually have personality disorders or other physical or emotional mental disorders that rob them of their empathy and compels them to behave in this way. The motivation is usually to get rid of someone who’s good performance is a threat to their own feelings of inadequacy or to control and subjugate their target. Once chosen as a target there is a 77% chance that the target will quit, be fired, or commit suicide within 2 years. After elimination of the “target”, the bully is compelled to choose a new target within 2 days to 2 weeks.Short newspaper and magazine articles printed in the United States fail to drive home the complexity and seriousness of this abuse of power, which is similar to the abuse of power in sexual harassment cases. This abuse often leads to depression, anxiety and complex posttraumatic stress disorder as well as dozens of stress related physical health problems. Many targets become disabled for life. The number of people and hours involved in a bullying/mobbing campaign is our largest, hidden, expense in business today.

Connecticut is the 12th state since 2003 to introduce a version of the “The Anti-bullying Healthy Workplace Bill for Connecticut, 2007. This bill died in Judiciary Committee and was never voted on to move to the Senate floor. Despite this set back, advocates of the movement continue to hope that Connecticut will be the first state to pass this legislation.

To learn more about Bullybusters, or to follow the progress and how to support this important bill, go to this Internet link:

http://www.bullybusters.org/advocacy/legis-ct.html

The link to the world’s largest, most informative website, founded by the late Tim Field, a revered pioneer in the fight against work pace bullying is:

http://www.bullyonline.org/index.html

Learn more about workplace bullying and mobbing today!   Who knows, you might be serial bully’s next target!

ABC – AntiBullyingCrusador