Dear ABC,
I often feel like I am the problem although the Internet Antibullying articles that I have read, say that’s exactly what they want you to believe, that you are the problem. Do others have this problem? Problem Child
Dear Problem Child,
It broke my heart to read your question. It’s sounds like your bully has you doubting yourself by making you believe that you are at fault for what ever problems she is citing. You must know in your heart that you are not at fault and that this is a VERY COMMON TACTIC of bullies. AGAIN, IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT!! YOU MUST BELIEVE THIS WITH ALL YOUR HEART!! When bullies make critical comments about you, they are usually projecting their own inadequacies on you. In other words, if the bully says “you’re stupid”, it is the bully who feels stupid. It’s usually the extra good employees who are targeted by bullies because the target’s good performance makes the bully feel more inadequate about themselves by comparison. So be proud to be a “target” of workplace bullying and mobbing. It takes a special person to gain the attention of a bully! Know this and be proud! It is your GOOD qualities that your bully detests. They can’t stand to see another person shine. More and more adult suicides are the result of workplace bullying. It is this very thing that causes it. Targets not understanding this phenomenon become obsessed trying to understand what the cause of their workplace problems are, when there is no real reason at all, other than the whim of a bully. The targets who don’t understand this, blame themselves, sometimes resulting in suicide. How terribly sad! It’s an important public health message that all working American learn to Recognize it, Name it and End workplace bullying and mobbing together! ABC-Antibullyingcrusador.
Filed under: D) DEAR ABC, ABC ANSWERS YOUR QUESTIONS | Tagged: adult suicide, I often feel like I am the problem, workplace bullying |
Antibullyingcrusador's Weblog 
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. This weblog makes me feel so much better. I was starting to believe my bosses memo from today that I had mental health problems. I’m a government lawyer….. bullying happens everywhere. I didn’t have a name for what has been happening to me. I knew my boss was passive aggressive. But I didn’t have a name for what has been happening on and off for years. I have tried hard to make my boss like and respect me. But every so often she writes me a memo threatening my job (she is passive aggressive so she can not confront me personally). She makes mountains out of mole hills. Lies about my actions and reactions. She can not deal with anger so if I get angry and show it — I am mentally ill and a liability. However, attorneys in other departments really like me. Thank you for this blog and website. I am feeling better already. This really is not my fault!!!!!
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For a long time I have suffered from feelings of inadequacy and that I can’t seem to meet expectations. What I always want and strive to do is my best.
How refreshing to learn that I must be doing something right for something so wrong to be happening to me.
It’s not fair, but not much in life is. I just need to drop my Polly Anna view on life and get real so that I can protect myself.
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This was good for me to read. After my experience with my ex boss and ex friend it ended with her sending me a very nasty, threatening e-mail that only a bully could do. She made it seem like everything was my fault. When I tried to be an adult and talk to her she did her little powerplay that was just so disgusting. All along it has been this pattern of verbal and emotinal abuse that at times I thought it’s my fault I need to be better. Now, I know that NOTHING is my fault. From the beginning, I did not deserve to be her scratching post. I should have gotten real a long time ago and realized that my ex boss was a bully through and through. Anyone that sees this page I will tell them It is NOT your fault and RUN like the wind from these people! Bullies are manipulators and abusers and don’t change.
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