Bullies Who Don’t Know it and Other Bully Boss Fallacies. By, ABC
Times have changed since I first learned about the phenomenon of workplace bullying and mobbing about 5 years ago. Back then, most of the anti-bullying literature was written in the United Kingdom and Canada. Both countries are years (light years that is) ahead of us in the United States in regards to their general knowledge, understanding and attempts at remedies. The Website that I have found to be the most accurate and up to date, is Bullyonline, created in the United Kingdom, by the late Tim Field, a literal pioneer and hero to targets everywhere.
As I continue my ongoing research on the subject of workplace bullying and mobbing, I have found that the number of articles and websites about the subject, originating in the United States, has increased tremendously. I have found however, that many of these articles and sites originating in the United States, over simplify the subject, failing to dig deep enough into this complex subject, to give readers the insight and knowledge they need, to beat it. I have found, that the advice given, is often logical, common sense tactics, that work in cases where the boss is simply arrogant and rude, but is not appropriate, and may even escalate hostilities, when used against REAL workplace bullies. Authors of anti-bullying literature written in the United States seem to have the most trouble grasping that “workplace bullies” are different from a boss who is just rude. They don’t understand that bullies have a level of psychopathy, making them think in ways that normal people don’t understand and that they need to be dealt with differently than the average rude boss.
One author wrote, and I quote:
“The ‘bully’ term implies they intend to do harm. In fact, this is not what I’ve found. Essentially, they are blind to the impact of their behavior on others. Generally, they don’t see it.”
This author doesn’t have an understanding of what a REAL bully boss is, made evident by making this statement which is not true of REAL bullies, but is typical of a boss who is simply arrogant, believing the importance of their position entitles them to treat subordinates as handmaidens. Their rudeness is not premeditated, and is often intensified by their stress level. They do not intend to hurt others, and often don’t realize that they are. When their bad behavior is pointed out to them, they are remorseful and apologize.
REAL bullies are so much more than simply arrogant and rude and are far from “blind to the impact of their behavior.” To the contrary, their intentions are, not only to hurt their target(s), but to destroy them! REAL bullies don’t apologize and are not remorseful, many having no capacity to feel empathy at all. These facts are hard for most of us to believe, because real bullies do not think in the same way as most of us.
Another example is the mistaken belief that you can resolve issues by meeting with the bully to identify problems, and ways to correct them. It is true that this works and normal people resolve issues in this way. But again, people need to understand that REAL bullies don’t think like the rest of us. It must be remembered that, YOU CANNOT REASON WITH A BULLY! First of all, bullies rarely have valid issues against their targets and they have no desire to resolve issues. Their only desire is to create conflict for their targets as well as to socially isolate, control, subjugate and to eventually destroy and remove them from the workplace.
Make no mistake about it, REAL bully bosses are in a class all their own and worthy of entirely different approaches. Make sure you know what you are dealing with and the difference, before confronting a potentially REAL bully boss. By ABC
Filed under: A) WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW / INFORMATION | Tagged: Bullies Who Don't Know it, bully boss fallacies, Can't reason with a bully | 9 Comments »
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