Single Motherhood and Workplace Bullying by ABC


Single Motherhood and Workplace Bullying. By ABC.

There are two things that three  single Moms wrote in comments on this blog, that I think are significant to our understanding of the affects of workplace bullying.  I’ve never read about these two things about bullied single Moms before, except right here on my own blog.

The first thing that strikes me is that single Moms are seeing the  bullying and mobbing experience a little bit differently than workers without children to support.   They have a different perspective which may work against them getting through this, unless they make a special effort to keep their thinking clear.

When people are bullied, most people take it as something personal that the bully has against them alone.  All three single Moms however, referred to the bullying experience as something that was happening jointly against both themselves AND their dependent children.  Moms being Moms, (I was never a mom but still have one who is 81 years old) all seemed more concerned about the impact on their children than on themselves.    Taking second place to their childrens’ perceived needs, may not be a winning tactic in  a workplace bullying experience.

The second thing about single Moms is that each one of them couldn’t see a way out.  Each one wrote as though there were absolutely no other job opportunities available in the whole entire world, except the one that is making them miserable and they are about to lose.  One single Mom actually already lost her job when she wrote.

A person’s level of need for their job is identified in anti-bullying literature as a factor which makes a person at higher risk for bullying.  The greater your need, as well as gratitude and higher level of productivity, the greater your risk for bullying and mobbing.  I wonder if these single Moms were targeted because they were open about how important their salary is to them.  They may have even mentioned a fear of losing their job, or finding a new job, or spoke openly about their fears of being unable to support their children.

Displeasure from bully bosses can also often intensify when single Moms arrive late or not at all because of problems with their children.  This is something I observed in my own workplace but interestingly, was not mentioned by any of the three single Moms who commented.

It’s important that Moms REMEMBER, this is not really about them! nor about their child!   This is not really personal at all except in a good way.  Bullies hate how good these moms are.  They hate how dedicated they are to their family and their job.  Bullies feel horrible about themselves by comparison, every time they look at a subordinate whose performance outshines theirs.  Read my article “Proud to be a Target”, which is also on this Weblog for more info on that.

Now that you single Moms know that bullying is about what is GOOD about you and is NOT about what is BAD about you, you should realize your potential for better employment.

Keep your mind clear of your bully’s lies and know that the truth about your performance remains the same regardless of a bully’s words.   You, God and dozens of frightened coworkers, also know the truth but are afraid to say anything, not God of course, but the frightened coworkers.   To believers in God, know that He is who made us all with free will in which to choose our behaviors, and it is He who will judge us in either this life or the next, for those behaviors we choose.  Even a moment’s thought of finding a means of revenge, is a wasted moment.  Revenge is God’s job.

Moms are so good at boosting the self esteem of their children.  Mine still does.   So to all bullied single Moms out there, take a look at yourself  and realize what a wonderfully dedicated person you are, to both your family and your employer.  You are so good, it caught the attention of a workplace bully who is literally threatened and  sickened,  just by watching you.   Know the truth of your value as a person and go out there and find the position of your dreams!

Think of all your strengths, talents, and interests and open up your mind to consider completely different job opportunities.   You may come to realize you have talents and strengths which would make self employment a feasible option.   Some people first consider, then move and  start all over again, at a location far from where they are now.   Pray for God’s guidance if you believe, or follow your gut instinct day to day in your mission to find a better means of support, then eventually things will fall into place.   If you don’t make moves to leave your hostile workplace soon, your bully will kill you and I mean that literally.   Don’t let that happen,  please… ABC

PS;  When you finally land that job of your dreams, don’t act so grateful!!   LOL!!

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One Response

  1. This posting is great. I’m happy that there are people who are willing to talk about a real issue which is affecting millions.

    I remember my former bullying boss asked me repeatedly “Do you want to be here?” I guess she was expecting me to get on my knees and start begging to convince her that my career is important. I could see that she was trying to assess my desperation for the job. When my respones did not meet her expectations then the bullying intensified. I would encourage anyone especially women employees not to reveal their home life situation. Don’t go on the job sharing that your husband is out of work or you are having trouble with finances. Dress like everything is fine and conduct yourself like things are great. The minute the bully knows your personal situation is desperate and hopeless she/he will manage you in a slave mentality manner. Conduct yourself like the job benefits from you and that you are only there to provide the best. Keep your personal affairs out of the workplace. The less they know, the less power you give away in sizing up your personal need for the job.

    Like

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