Workplace Bullying – More About Recovery, by ABC


Well Wishes From Reader

ABC, please post a reply and tell us, your followers, how you are doing, or if there is ANYTHING we can do to help you. I don’t even mind calling you. Honestly, your blog has saved countless numbers from more serious consequences from these psychopathic bullies. The serial kind is the MOST dangerous. We care about you…. please post a reply.

ABC Replies,

-Blind-sided by bullying professionals while seeking help with post-bullying job loss recovery-

Dear Readers,

Thanks to all my readers for all the encouraging words after my posting that I finally lost my job at the hands of my workplace serial bully boss.  I want everyone to know that I am feeling better and better each day, by the passage of time and by the support from all of you, my readers, my spouse and the guidance of the Holy Spirit.

It is also a comfort to know that the anti-workplace bullying and mobbing movement, is gaining momentum in the United States due the tireless efforts of dozens of anti-bullying activists, blogs and support groups, growing in numbers every day, the understanding needed, that will one day make it possible, for all working Americans;  To Recognize it, Name it, and End Workplace Bullying and Mobbing Together!

My journey through this experience has put me in a  position to learn more than I ever wanted to know, about the devastating effects of  “workplace bullies” and the “mobbing” behaviors caused by their influence and manipulation of others. This continues to play itself out, presenting a much bigger picture, in ways I never expected, as I go about the business of recovery.

Now, safely separated from the abuses of my workplace serial bully boss, I have been blind-sided by the final brutal tactics of my employer, the company itself, as represented by the Human Resource Department, in the course of the actual legal separation, from my 30 year employment with them.

As is the case with most any type of abusive relationship, my employer has taken steps to insure my silence, having successfully cornered me into a position commonly referred to as “between a rock and a hard place”, leaving little choice, but to sign their papers of “agreement”. My signature, a representation of being silenced by poverty and fear, the document being specifically inclusive of the agreement itself, and everything that preceded it. The signature representing the company itself, a representation of the management’s  knowledge, that even their own written words of  “agreement”  if published, would not be perceived as agreeable by others.  The seal of their abuse,  the requirement of my silence, and made evident by a truth I think most everyone can agree upon, that being;  Gag clauses exist for only two reasons, 1) National security.  2) To hide the truth!

I was then doubly blind-sided by bullying behaviors from 3 different psychiatric professionals I sought help from.  Additionally, being unwittingly brushed off by an employment attorney, followed by denials of my claims for continuation of first short-term, then long-term disability insurance coverage, provided by my employer.

This was all very perplexing to me.  Once again, I found myself  doubting my own perceptions, which lengthened my silence.  Having come to realize, I needed a deeper, more global understanding of the bullying phenomenon, now experienced outside the workplace, as well as needing certainty about my own perceptions, through meditation.

Unprepared to face bullying, called “psychopathy”, outside the workplace arena, I was initially blinded to that possibility as the reason that the 3 different psychiatrists, discarded my stated emotional injuries due to workplace bullying.  Instead, each concluded that I am “seriously mentally ill”, each very confident, about the widely varied diagnosis, they each came up with.  Each also, denied having previous knowledge of the workplace bullying and mobbing phenomenon, a concept which none of them seemed willing to look into, despite my insistence that this was central to my issue.

Their responses similarly hostile in their delivery, left me freshly stunned, the second, and then the third time, as if experienced for the first time. Finally, I came to realize, the similarity of their tactics, were more than just coincidence!

Finding through my research that this is a common problem among recovering targets, it didn’t take long for me to realize, that I missed the hallmark of bullies where ever they may hide. That being the similarities of their tactics, none of which makes sense to the sane.  Why would a psychiatrist, take a hostile stance while telling a seriously mentally ill patient their diagnosis, rather than coax them into the treatment they need? It just doesn’t make sense, a hallmark of bullying behaviors, for sure.

Stumbling across 3 psychopathic psychiatrists in a row, seemed statistically impossible and was hard to get past logically, but is actually easier than I thought, and even easier to explain, given the more global perspective, my research on “psychopathy” in society revealed.

This information, vital to all targets in the vulnerable, final stages, of a workplace bullying and mobbing campaign, will follow soon. In the mean time, recovering targets should take extra care to only seek bullying/mobbing related professional help, from professionals who already have an understanding of the bullying and mobbing phenomenon, and that psychiatrist, additionally, be recommended, by someone who really knows them.

Readers can help in the fight against workplace bullying and mobbing, by reaching out and teaching as many people as you can, about the phenomenon, and the devastating effects on targets and observers  everywhere.  Sharing your bullying stories, questions and comments on this website, is also a great help. The varying perspectives add a diverse quality to the content of the subject matter discussed.  So thanks again for the all the comments and well wishes, and please keep them coming!,

Let’s end it together!,

ABC

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24 Responses

  1. I have thought of you often, ABC, and just reread your last entry. I wish I had some wisdom to offer you, but 9 months after leaving my bully boss, i am still stuck emotionally myself. How in the world does one move on from this betrayal?

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    • Sorry ,my friend, hope,hope and more hope and hang in there.You may even get patches of fear ,night panic attacks,if neccessay get something ie med to help u cope with really bad,suicidal anxiety patches.But try to tell yourself at all times you are strong and will pull through .They are so childish and sick you must not let them win.

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  2. Dear Madagascar,

    Thanks for writing! As you, know, I wish I had more answers as well. My writing had come to a complete standstill. I am just now, starting to write a bit, but far less than I used too. Here again, feeling at a loss for any positive words to write. So I have been writing comments on the on-line editions of local newspapers after articles in which there is “workplace bullying and mobbing” involved, but here in Connecticut, they never use those terms. So I use those articles as an opportunity to tell readers in the on-line comments, that the article is really about “workplace bullying and mobbing” which everyone needs to know about etc..

    Having come to this point, doubly emotionally injured and stuck, after being bullied instead of helped by 3 different psychiatrist, I feel ABSOLUTELY VOID of anything positive at all, to offer to anyone, especially myself, after losing the job I loved and held for over 30 years. But despite it all, by the passage of time alone, I think I am starting to come out of it. I started having more positive, productive thoughts, just a few weeks back which seem to be snow balling. Realizing I am so badly emotionally beaten, having stuck it out WAY too long with my bully boss, now unable to help anyone especially myself, the only thing I can do positive is to start reaching out through my writing again to teach and reach others to recognize it, then get out of it, as quickly as possible. I hope I can influence others to get out of it much quicker than I did.

    So that’s where I am heading. I hope you too are starting to have at least a few scattered positive thoughts, Have you? Let me know, I really would like to know how YOU are doing. Thanks again for writing,

    Sincerely, ABC (I had always planned to drop the alias after I quit my job but that plan fell through when I signed my employer’s gag clause,)

    Like

  3. I am reading your posts and commenting on them all because thank goodness you have this site. It is also therapeutic to write about it too. I too stuck it out too long with my bully boss when there are things along the way that happened were I should have just walked out. Things came to a head two weeks ago with me telling them f u you don’t treat me like a person. As crazy as it sounds, I really thought this person cared for me as they could be generous at times. I do feel very betrayed as I was just totally thrown away like trash. Bully bosses have no empathy and these people generally I think have mental issues like being bipolar and having anger issues.
    I do commend you for starting this blog because I think that people who experience think they are all alone. I know I did. It is cool that we all have a place to vent! I do hope you continue to heal from your experience as I am trying to do right now. The one thought that gives me comfort is you reap what you sow in life.

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  4. ABC, hope things are well I always found your website an interesting read.

    It is always tough once you’ve left the job due to feelings of guilt, shame and a large dose of what ifs. You’ve got to believe though trite that everything happens for a reason. You’ve just got to take everyday as it comes and take things easily moment by moment. It’s difficult to forget all the petty remarks, nitpicking, the lies and bullying tantrums but time will somewhat take away the pain.

    I fully empathise with the pain you’ve been through it is tough but eventually it does get easier. I’ve always found being with good friends, a good book and long walks amongst the natural things helpful.

    Books I found inspiring where Victor Frankl’s Man’s Search for Meaning and the The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran

    “Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars. “

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  5. ABC, I’m so glad I found your website. After suffering much pain for many years, I finally left my employment wishing I had done it sooner. The wounds are still very fresh and I’m still stuck emotionally also. I can’t sleep and have nightmares. Like Susan I feel betrayed and thrown away like trash. I loved my job and hated to leave. Most people can’t understand how deeply bullying affects the human soul; it devastates you, physically and emotionally. I haven’t been able to find any help, maybe writing about it will help me as you stated in your blog. My co-workers whom I was very close to’ have not tried to contact me. Is as if they never knew me. Maybe they are afraid since some of them witness the abuse, I hope that is the reason. I do hope that I eventually will come out of it.

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    • Elizabeth,

      They never will. Most of them probably feel no small degree of shame and guilt that they have let down a colleague they should have supported. It’s been five months since I lost my job and even the one’s I promoted and trained have failed to let me know if they ever achieved the diplomas I had been training them for over a two year period.

      If it helps, picture this – in the midst of their work Christmas Party you, Elizabeth, will be Banquo’s ghost. Every so often one or other will realise you aren’t there, and they’ll go quiet. One or two will feel uncomfortable…

      I was in the position you were in until a few days ago – the lack of contact with my friends-as-were was perhaps the most painful thing. But as my partner pointed out, they couldn’t have been all that much in the way of friends, could they ? To me, it’s all too obvious that they were pawky ( an Auld Scots word that roughly translates as ” the way the cat behaves towards you when you first come in the house, and continues right up until the moment that the food hits the bowl, at which point you can push off…) because I was useful – and once that use terminated along with myself, they no longer were interested.

      And well they know it. So they get guilty over that ignorance as well…and they whole thing snowballs.

      But that’s their problem for being ignorant, Elizabeth. Hell mend ’em, I say.

      Best wishes

      Dave the Taxi

      Like

    • Hi Elizabeth;
      I just read your post and all the posts. I am in the middle of a “mob” right now. I filed harassment charges and just today received the letter from HR. “The evidence found during the investigation does not uphold the allegation therefore no further action will be taken” They strongly encouraged me to access the employment assistance program for HELP !! Well, the one thing I get, is that I need supportive people around me. The councellor that I do see is very supportive, as well I have a supportive friend that has also been bullied OUT of the same facility as me. It is a CHRONIC problem. I tell you everything about recovering from this has to be about taking care of the most important person…..and that is the person in our own skin. thank you for this site and these posts. It is a supportive gift for my soul….:)

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      • Hi. I have just had the very same experience. I work in a University under a serial bully. She has received many pay raises, and has successfully began a “mobbing” campaign against me that includes emotionally dependent and weak individuals, who are afraid of her.

        I too, had been involved in an investigation that the HR “pushed” on me. They, of course, found no bullying! What a shock.

        I have now been written up again. She is a weak minded and incompetent temp worker who happened to fall into this job. She has a cult following of “like weak minded” and limited workers who “prop” her up in her escapades. I would feel sorry for her if she had not caused my family so much pain.

        The best thing to do is find a therapist who believes you, and stick with them until you move on. If the bully is being enabled, it will not stop.The bully is desparate and insecure, and probably has deep rooted issues going back to their dysfunctional childhood. Just move on. I know it sounds easy and simple, and I am not minimizing the pain and frustration, but life is short, and to allow this pathetic human being to control you is just killing you. You are worth more than that. Find a good place to be and go there.

        God bless you.

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    • Dear Elizabeth,
      I feel so sad for you, having experienced everything that you mentioned also.

      Your comment –

      “My co-workers whom I was very close to, have not tried to contact me. Is as if they never knew me.”

      Hit me the hardest. I couldn’t even respond when you first wrote. There were no words for you, just tears. It was one of the most painful things of all about this experience of so many little hurts, in so many ways. I understand the why, but I have yet to fully grasp the how. How exactly, do bullies so successfully deceive the perception of others, into behaviors they would normally be incapable of. Sometimes I think it’s just too unbelievable unless you have experienced it yourself.

      The passage of time it’s self, reading and writing about other topics, has kept me from dwelling on the past.

      Dave and Jan’s advise is great, as well as advice written in readers comments, after each article on this website. Together, readers comments have developed into a wealth of information and ideas, that may also be of help. Best wishes and God Bless, ABC

      Like

  6. Hey guys, thanks so much. ABC, sometimes when you don’t think you have anything to offer, you might have a lot! I’m glad I found this website – I have a second consultation appointment with a psychoanalyst whose I suspect strongly of being a psychopath, in about 2 hours. I am arming myself with information. 🙂 I too am recovering from workplace bullying, although in my case I think I’ve staved it off by confronting the bully. He wasn’t a psychopath, just a kind of scared guy and I think he appreciated that I went to him, in the end. So but I thought I needed psychoanalysis in general, to get over a low self-confidence problem due to the fact that my mother constantly undermines herself and me, and my father undermined her and me and I grew up in that climate. I fail to understand how a dominant, bullying psychiatrist who asks me to take his word as law or truth can help me to get over this problem! Hahahaha. So, I have already made my decision that I will not pursue psychoanalysis with this guy, and am not really sure why I’m going to the meeting except out of curiosity and the fact that I failed to cancel my appointment until this morning when it felt too late. Arg – wish me good luck that I stick to my guns and instincts. And thank you! This is wonderful help and I will think of it when he is telling me that my complaints are not valid and making me feel guilty about my negative and angry feelings. 🙂

    Blessings to all, and remember always to believe in yourself! There is nothing more important than your self-respect.

    Erin

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  7. p.s. have any of you ever heard of ‘aikido’? It’s a Japanese martial art that focuses on blending with the energy of the attacker (instead of counterattacking or cowering) in order to dissipate their attack without harming them. This is what I used (sort of intuitively, I have just read about it in Jon Kabat-Zinn’s book, Full Catastrophe Living) to confront my bully. And it worked and I felt so good!! My bully recognized that I wasn’t afraid of him but that I also wasn’t out to hurt him, and he acknowledged my right to assert myself in relation to him. Basically in order to do it required a lot of meditation and stuff like that because I was so nervous – I had to be bigger than the situation and detach myself from the outcome (which could have been absolutely disastrous). I told myself that my self-respect was more important than my career. Bottom line. And that did it. Nothing else would have, I suspect.

    Good luck to all.

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  8. Thank you for all your posts. I know I am not alone in this. I have been reading Tim Fields book called bully insight. It has helped me tremendously. I was just back to work today after filing harassment charges against several of the “mob” and tomorrow is day 2. I am in survival mode. I am struggling with the urge to just quit. I have worked here for 18 years and well, it is taking its toll that is for sure. ABC, I truly hope you will keep posting. I really like the idea of the aikido energy stuff. Erin could you write more about it. I am going to google that book and order it. I have also read about the post traumatic stress that bullying causes and must research more for my own recovery and sanity. I really like my job and it is hard to give it away to those stinking rotten bullies.

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  9. Dear Jan, Erin, Dave and all my readers,
    Finally, enough time has passed, that I feel motivated to move forward. Ideas are spontaneously occurring in my mind, for future writing and web site ideas. Life goes on.

    As a little point of reference, it usually takes most people about one year or so, to recover from a major loss. This is a well documented medical fact, which has proven accurate, through personal experience. So if wounds are fresh, hang on by knowing, that this too shall pass.

    I am really happy about all the comments left by readers, some with advice for other readers, especially during that dark period after losing my job, when finding words for responses were elusive. Your responses to fellow targets, often exceeded my own abilities by far!

    Through everyone’s comments, there is a wealth of ideas, thoughts and information that I hope to organize and edit into some kind of helpful resource for new targets. If you have any ideas you would like to share, feel free.

    SO ALWAYS KNOW THAT READER’S COMMENTS ARE WELCOME, APPRECIATED, AND ADDS TO THE DIVERSITY AND VALUE OF THIS WEBSITE!

    LEAVING COMMENTS ARE ALWAYS FAST AND EASY. Comments may be left at the bottom of each article. If there are no other comments at the end of the article, simply click on the tiny “comment” link at the bottom. If other readers left comments after the article, scroll down to the last comment, where you’ll be given the option to “Leave a Reply”, meaning to reply to the last reader comment, or “Post Comment”, meaning you wish to post a new comment. After choosing either “Comments”, “Leave a Reply” or “Post Comment” as described above, simply write and save. Your comment will be published immediately.

    Your comment may be anonymous – There is no requirement to register or to leave identifying information of any kind. There are options to leave your name, email, and/or website name and/or link info, if that is your preference – This is NOT a requirement.

    KEEP IN MIND – If you choose to share your email address, your e.mail screen name, (some people use their real names), will be printed out at the beginning of your comment and in the “Your Recent Comments” menu located on the right side bar of the web site. If you don’t want your screen name, (which may be your real name) printed in these areas, leave the email address option blank.

    My policy has always been to publish ALL comments with the exception of obvious spam. I rarely edit, or remove comments pertaining to the subject matter, having only once deleted words and/or phrases, which bordered on hatefulness.

    Although deletion of an entire reader comment has never been necessary, (other than obvious spam), I think the number of reader comments warrant a policy, as follows;

    MY READER COMMENT CONTENT DELETION POLICY IS AS FOLLOWS;

    I will delete any material which does not pertain to the subject matter of workplace bullying and mobbing and/or is obvious spam or promotional information that does not pertain to the subject matter.

    I will delete any advertisements other than those placed on the site by WordPress.com as per their TOS.

    No x-rated, illegal or other content, which is not in accordance with WordPress.com TOS will be permitted.

    Bullying behavior is not permitted on this web site. I will delete, WITH explanation, any comment content, that reflects the behavior of a bully. Examples include, but are not limited to; Name calling, prejudicial statements, hatefulness, and disrespectful statements. If such content crosses my screen, examples will be edited out, with explanation and suggestions regarding how the intended content or ideas could have been shared in an edifying way.

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  10. It says in Tim Field information on wp bullies that “the introvert bullies are the most dangerous types, they recruit others to do the bullying for them” That is how it is for me. The sweet innocent little blond “princess” has a deceitful and conniving ambition to destroy me. She is the most incompetent person I have ever worked with. It is so blatantly obvious, even to others, accept the management team and HR. The “others” include the other departments as well as clients and organizations we need to deal with outside of our facility. However no one wants to be in the middle of someone else’s “troubles”. I really don’t blame them. They feel the need to protect their own income. Our facility is so focused on individual SURVIVAL. But HR continues to rotate into new people, isolate situations and conveniently sweep the multitude of bully problems under the carpet. I feel “responsible” to stand up and create a change. One amazing coworker who was bullied out 5 years ago told me “they ALMOST destroyed my career”

    Maybe I need to surrender the white flag and walk away. Another one bits the dust. How do I survive that. My soul is tormented. EVERYONE is afraid to acknowledge and stand up to the “bully culture”

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  11. I’m in the middle of a bully situation at work which is destroying me. My workplace HR know about a recent bereavement and I’m afraid they will blame any reported stress on my personal situation. My bully boss does so much damage with non-verbal abuse. Throwing her eyes to heaven, shaking her head. Storming off in apparent frustration. I’m a highly competent, popular worker. But I’m terrified. My confidence is totally gone.

    Like

    • You are quite right! Bully bosses can and will use EVERY AND ANY difficult period of their targets’ personal lives against them.
      Such a pity! These poor bully psychopaths are totally void of feeling or regard for others feelings’. They are quite capable of making a bad time in a subordinates life, even worse. It’s hard to believe, that there is a sizable percentage of the population who are otherwise normal appearing in most every way, but if the truth be known, they are indifferent to, or have a diminished ability to consider the feelings of others.

      Be glad that you at least. have the gift of being able to “feel”, not only about your own circumstances but for others as well.

      In the mean time, know the truth of your competence is something words cannot change and therefore should be ignored. Lighten up, really! It’s NOT true, therefore you should not give it thought.

      Ignoring bullying behavior is the BEST advice I can give with the exception of LEAVING THAT ABUSIVE WORK PLACE AS FAST AS YOU CAN! REACTING IS ADDING FUEL TO THE FIRE. DON’T REACT – You’ll see an immediate change in your bullies’ behavior. God bless, ABC

      Like

  12. I’m realizing from my own exodus from my “mob bullying” trauma drama (I have a new job now and will hopefully escape this culture at my new employment home) that this phenomenon is very similar to alcoholics and co-dependants. I think it’s very easy to carry this into another workplace and continue to have a bully anywhere. It’s that we care too much, are too nice, and polite. If you read the books: The Sociopath Next Door by Martha Stout and Without Conscience by Robert D. Hare, PhD… we are targets, and easy prey. Moreover, most managers, corporate ceo’s, and what are considered the most successful people in business are sociopaths. They aren’t the type that murder people, they just assassinate co-workers emotionally. Understand how they operate and who they are can help you survive while you find another job where hopefully there is a strong, anti-bullying corporate culture. It’s hard to imagine there are so many out there, but it’s not paranoia it’s statistics. And we targets are easy prey because we let them get us right out of the gate. This blog has made me realize that I too need help so I don’t become a target again. No job no matter how much you love it is worth staying at with a sociopath running it. Just like good girls get attracted to bad boys, those bad boys know which good girls are and they take full advantage of it. It’s like they recognize you…because they’ve done it before. God bless and stay strong and believe in yourself, don’t let them take that away from you.
    Gloria

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  13. “Workplace Bullying – More About Recovery, by ABC |
    Antibullyingcrusador’s Weblog” was a wonderful post. If solely there was more sites like this specific one on the actual world-wide-web. At any rate, thank you for ur time, Angelo

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  14. “Workplace Bullying – More About Recovery, by ABC
    Antibullyingcrusador’s Weblog” was indeed a very pleasant post, . I hope you keep creating and I’ll try to keep on reading!

    Many thanks ,Augustina

    Like

  15. hello…I have just read through all your posts and am amazed to see and hear how similar your stories are to mine in fact I relate so much and feel so stuck emotionally today that it seems like this nightmare will never pass, my bullying wasn’t in the work place but at home I have studied about these bullies and they all seem to be very much the same…how sad, I am still dumbfounded that these people exist, at times like now I often don’t know where to turn because friends think I should be over this after 3 months and a total nervous breakdown and a 3 week stay at the local psychiatric warm with the bully still going hammer and tongs through the courts to get an apprehended violence order to silence me and protect herself from future repercussions…I have left the town I lived in my boyfriend and friends and refuse to go near there, I hope to god that I never have that kind of negative impact on somebodys life and that someone cant sleep at night because they are haunted by me….I really appreciate all your honesty…sometimes they say that misery loves company but goodness only knows how much validation I need that this is really and many others are walking the same path….I am very grateful to you all for your input and will visit this site again when I have a day like today.

    Sammy Australia

    Like

    • I had to leave a well paying job because of a bully boss. My medical information was disclosed and I was made fun of in a skit, before returning to work after a suicide attempt. I just woke up from a nightmare about work and it has been 7 years. Coming from an abusive childhood with no self-esteem, only adding fuel to the fire. I want to return to work but I am so scared. How do you ever get over it?

      Like

  16. It has been over a year since I signed my gag order and “retired” after 15 years at a job I loved. I am 61 yrs old, too young for SS and I have sent out hundreds of resumes for my profession but I know my lengthy resume only signals my age. None of my colleagues contacted me ever to ask how I was; fortunately, I have a good support system in my family and friends. I feel more like “me” everyday but the emotional flooding and anxiety attacks (still on meds) hit me all the time. This is without a doubt the worst experience of my life. My theme song-“I’m still standing…”

    Like

    • Keep standing strong and if you are a person of faith in God, keep Him central to everything you do looking forward. Pray, meditate and ask Him what His will is for you now that you lost your job. I lost my job several years ago primarily due to bullying, but which also exacerbated a chronic autoimmune disorder. I have not found employment since and don’t expect to, now 60 years old. Instead, I felt urged (by the Holy Spirit) to apply for Medicare disability. After filling out the disability application form and following their directions to be evaluated further by one of their physician, I was accepted! Having been told it is nearly impossible to be accepted for disability without a lawyer and on your first try, I chalked it up to being God’s will for me, at least for the time being. Maybe you should consider applying for disability as well, seeing as you still suffer from anxiety attacks, which I suffer from too. This problem along with any other physical health problems, may make you eligible. You may also consider self employment. Be imaginative about self employment ideas which may be unrelated to your previous professional experience. Do you have any other interests or hobbies which can be developed into a money making venture? Keep thinking and praying while taking your recovery from bullying slowly. Because, like you said “This is without a doubt the worst experience of my life.” which is something I have repeatedly said and written word for word! Even harder for me and most other targets is that “None of my colleagues contacted me” either.
      God Bless you and yours, Sincerely, ABC-AntiBullyingCrusador

      Like

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