ABOUT- The Original ABC


Antibullyingcrusder or AntiBullyingCrusador – The original ABC

Hi,

 

My name is ABC, which stands for AntiBullyingCrusador. I go by the alias “ABC” for short, or “AntiBullyingCrusador”, whenever I write about the subject of  Workplace bullying and mobbing and adult bullying in general.  I know the correct spelling is “crusader” but I spell it “crusador” to indicate that it’s a name, as opposed to a thing.

 

When I first started blogging on the subject of work place and adult bullying in 2002, there were no other bloggers who referred to themselves as “ABC” or “Anti-bullying Crusader”. Now, there are several other bloggers who also refer to themselves as “ABC – Anti-bullying Crusader”, whose opinions I don’t agree with.

 

Recently, I became concerned that Internet users trying to find my blogs, comments, and other information on the Internet, about or authored by myself, the original “ABC – AntiBullingCrusador”, would actually go to sites and articles authored by other bloggers who also refer to themselves as “ABC” or “Antibullyingcrusader”. The way readers can be sure, that they are reading content from the original ABC, is to be sure to spell crusader, using “or” at the end. The full term “antibullingcrusador”, used on any search engine, will bring you to the original ABC.

 

I also had other websites, before switching to WordPress through Yahoo and AOL, which discontinued their free platforms, although some of these old blog posts still exist and can be found on Internet search engines, along with many comments I’ve made throughout the years, on other websites, having always used this same psedonym “antibullingcrusador”.

 

My primary weblog address is:

 

https://antibullyingcrusador.wordpress.com/

 

My MISSION


My mission is to educate people in the United States about “work place bullying and mobbing.”
I live in the United States where the phenomena of “work place bullying and mobbing” is little known, which is surprising, since it affects 70% of working Americans at some time in their career.

I consider myself to be an Internet Anti-bullying activist. I go by the alias “ABC” for short, or “AntiBullyingCrusador”. I know the correct spelling is “crusader” but I spell it “crusador” to indicate that it’s a name, as opposed to a thing.

There are several types of workplace bullies. The most common type of bully is a “serial bully”, which I have the most personal experience with. A “serial workplace bully boss” is when a manager repeatedly begins a campaign of emotional abuse against a subordinate until that “target” is eliminated from the work group. Then, the bully chooses another target within two weeks. This type of bully focuses their bullying efforts on one target at a time. The abuse begins slowly, surprisingly, often after a period of time in which the bully actually seems to favor the subordinate over others in the work group. The abuse consists of things such as trivial faultfinding, allegations of errors, and complaints about character flaws or appearance. The bully delivers these emotional assaults out of view of others, subtlety or in ways that most people would not take offense to if delivered in a joking way.

Targets often become depressed, anxious, hypervigilant and/or experience PTSD. Some targets never recover from their emotional injuries. There is an 80% chance that once chosen as a target, that the target will be forced out of their job within two years. There is little legal recourse and it is often impossible for targets to get others to believe the abuse is actually occurring in the first place.

Bullies then point out to coworkers the emotional changes in the target brought out by the emotional abuse. This is an “emotional injury.” Together with twisted stories and half-truths about the target by the bully, coworkers tend to back away from the target and sometimes unwittingly participate in the abuse. This is called “mobbing.”

Bullies are compelled to behave this way because of physical or emotional mental disorders. Some bullies have personality disorders, which are abnormal physical differences in their brains when compared to a normal brain. These physical abnormalities rob them of their empathy and their ability to think in ways that most of us do. Other bullies had harsh childhoods leaving them with feelings of inadequacy and shame. A subordinate’s good work performance will gain the attention of a bully who has fears that their own inadequacies will become more evident to others by the bases of comparison.

Knowing about workplace bullying and mobbing is knowing that the expense related to the time and effort bullies, their mob, and their targets spend on the activities of workplace bullying and mobbing, together with the expense of replacing good employees who were forced out of their jobs, is likely the largest, hidden expense in business today.

I didn’t choose this mission of fighting workplace bullying and mobbing. I would have been perfectly happy if I had gone through my career never having experienced or observed the behaviors of those we refer to as “work place bullies” and those who support them, their behaviors referred to as “mobbing”. But, since I was chosen as a workplace target more than once, and observed the devastating effects on others that were also chosen as targets, it has become a moral obligation to do all that I can do to stop this terrible evil in our work places. I have always agreed with the statement that if you don’t try to stop something that is wrong, than you are a part of it. It’s not as simple as just walking away, at least not for me.

I have known my bully boss for over 20 years and have worked with the coworkers who support her for several years. I have developed a fondness for my bully boss and her supporters based on the length of our relationships alone, as well as for their many positive attributes. My bully boss is 62 years old and can retire at anytime. She has stopped bullying me and a coworker in recent months. Although I don’t doubt that she is capable of crushing me like a bug, at any time, if she could, I, being of a different nature, would never do anything to destroy her career this late in her game, unless I absolutely had no other moral choice, that being reason to believe, that she again resumed bullying behaviors.

My real name, My bully’s name and my employer’s, and where we reside, can be Any Name, Any City, USA…it could be yours. It is not my intention to expose my bully boss, her supporters whom I refer to as “little mobsters” in my blogs, nor my employer, and the Human Resource Department that represents my employer. They are all unwittingly entangled in the phenomenon of workplace bullying and mobbing. Whether it be a coworker who turned into one of my bully’s “little mobsters” or a Human Resource Rep. who fails to acknowledge the existence of classic bullying and mobbing, they are all playing their roles, almost exactly as predicted on bullying and mobbing articles on the Internet. It’s all very predictable. My “true stories” are true from my perspective, a target of workplace bullying and mobbing. It all sounds unbelievable I’m sure, but that’s what workplace bullying and mobbing is, Unbelievable! There are millions of people just like me, with incredibly similar stories.

Getting the word out about workplace bullying and mobbing is an important public health message, literally saving the lives and emotional and physical health of unknown numbers of targets. This is my only motive, reaching out to those targets whose health and lives are threatened by their lack of understanding of this little understood phenomenon.

It’s my hope that someday, all working Americans will have a thorough knowledge and understanding of the phenomenon of workplace bullying and mobbing. Let’s recognize it, name it and end workplace bullying and mobbing together!

Who knows, the serial bully’s next target may be you!

ABC-AntiBullyingCrusador



Author’s Bio

I am a Registered Nurse, licensed in the state of Connecticut. I have recognized, repetitively, in my 30-year career, something I previously called “leading by intimidation.” I realized that some managers used identical emotionally abusive tactics against their subordinates. I then came across information on the Internet about the phenomenon called “work place bullying and mobbing”, which describes in detail exactly what I have been observing. I finally found the answers I had been searching for, which was why my supervisor, then my coworkers, began and continue to emotionally abuse me. Bullies think in ways and have the ability to manipulate the thinking of others in ways that are inconceivable to me which lead to an almost obsessive desire to fully understand their ways of thinking and manipulating others. I learned that most people in my state of Connecticut in the United States, have never even heard of the phenomenon. This, being an unheard of concept in this country, my expertise is based on the study of hundreds of Internet articles on the subject, and related topics, reading thousands of target testimonies and interacting with other targets in person, and through Internet support forums, weblogs, and email. I am also one of the first members of Connecticut BullyBusters, which is an affiliate of The Workplace Bullying Institute, in Bellingham, Washington, USA.

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67 Responses

  1. 🙂

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  2. I’m trying to get in touch with Katherine Hermes. I’d like to offer my story to her. I’m a survivor and now an “interested observer” in ongoing bullying at my workplace. I’d also like some tips on how to start an anti-bullying grassroots organization of my own in my home state.

    Any suggestions would be welcome.

    Thanks.

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  3. To Steve Marcus,
    To reach Prof. Katherine Hermes, just click on the link on the right side of this page “Connecticut Bully Busters”. That is her website. I’m sure she’ll respond. Maybe you can start a “Bully Busters” group in your own state if there isn’t one alreadty. Bully Buster groups are affiliated with The Workplace Bullying Institute in Washington state run by Dr. Namie. Hope this helps. ABC

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  4. Hi ABC – I’m fresh out of graduate school and just wrote my thesis on workplace bullying as a result of my experiences being bullied. When I think about the fact that needed to spend 8 mos writing an 80 page paper on the experience of being bullied at work, I can only imagine the varying degrees of detriment the behavior causes others.

    I’m only now getting over it, after hours and hours and months on the thesis, along with constructing an informational website I still manage and spending an hour a day writing in a blog on it.

    Geesh.

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  5. Catherine,
    I know exactly what you mean. I wrote in of one my articles that this experience is the worst experience I’ve been through in my entire life. If I hadn’t spent so much time studying and writing about the phenomenon, I’d be out of my mind right now. Knowledge is power as they say. I clicked on your name which lead me to your web site. You too, have an excellent anti-bullying web site which I recommend highly to any readers of this web site seeking additional sources of information. To reach Catherine’s website, just click on her underlined name, above her comment. ABC

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  6. Keep fighting the good fight. It’s going to become topic that business will grapple with more in the future.

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  7. I really believe it’s the next great battle for businesses. In the 20th century it was about race, age and gender. I think we’re starting to see a move toward basic relations and culture as being the most important factors in a workplace. You’ve got a good niche here.

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  8. It is a horrible experience from what I hear. Mobbing and bullying is disgusting for adult to participate in.

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  9. Thanks for your comments and encouragement Sunny! ABC

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  10. This is an excellent website. Someone should start a website where people could post their negative experiences with individuals and organizations and warn others.

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  11. There are groups in Vermont that are using this as a form of terrorism. They recruit their volunteers and give them profiles of the kind of people who have to be “taken down”.

    Vermont activists in the feminist left are targetting males as well as relatives of critics of their groups. They have a lot of co-erced recruits in companies that use their training for “diversity” workshops, etc, which they use to gather unsuspecting workers into “victim” set-ups.

    Look at this:
    http://www.topix.com/forum/city/thetford-vt/TUJQH1F2740SN9B6P

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  12. Your descriptions of the phenomenon are excellent and spot on! I’m sure it will help a lot of people all round the world just to recognise what is happening. We should all work to make this an open issue so that it is much harder for the serial bully to operate.

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  13. To all My Dear Readers,
    It’s your positive comments both on this website and through email, that motivates me to continue to write insightful articles on the subject of workplace bullying and mobbing. YOUR COMMENTS, and even the search terms you use to reach this site, helps me to know what you, My Readers, specifically want to know about this complex subject. I assure you that my articles are based on thorough research, thousands of target’s testimonies, as well as first hand direct observation of the phenomenon in action. KEEP YOUR COMMENTS COMING. Readers find the testimonies of targets interesting and insightful if you wish to share your own story on this web site. Ideas for future articles are welcome. As each day passes, we are closer to the day when workplace bullying and mobbing will be recognized by all, named and ended ! ABC

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  14. Dear ABC-AntibuyingCrusador,
    I am in Spain, working as a teacher in a village near Madrid, Soto del Real. I am a State worker, so I have always worked in state schools, for sixteen years.
    I´ve been working in this last school for two years, and I have suffered everything you describe in your article. Not only staff, also parents, became against me. Older children too. The master hide me some problems she did´nt deal with properly when I got to the school, and made me responsible for that, and made others make up lots of lies. I even had physical threats, shouts and insults by parents. At first I had the support of the inspector, but he was and still is off sick, and the master brainwashed the new one. I am off sick for ansiety. I managed to get my place changed to the other state school in the village for next school year. But I know there are lots of gossipping talking very bad about me, in the other school already. I think that the parents who spread the lies are those whose children bullied another pupil of mine. I made them my enemies by stopping them. This other case in in court. Their parents denounced the school for not being able to do anything (This was one of the problems I had to face, for which I didn´t have any support or help. If I am called as a wittness, I am the only testimony against the school, that is, the master). The main acussation these people held againt me is that I bully the children, and even that I hit them. All big lies!
    I don´t know what to do. I am aware of how this people act.
    But I need it not to happen again next school year, in my new school.
    PLEASE, PLEASE, TELL ME WHAT SHOULD BE MY STRATEGY, MY ACTITUDE, HOW DO I DEFEND MYSELF, ETC.
    I will very pleased to help others with my experience and my testimony to support people with the same problem.
    I suppose you are very bussy, but I really need help. I just got pregnant, and I wouldn´t like my baby to suffer in my womb what I am going through. At the moment, being off sick, I am much better, but having to deal with the subject puts me off.
    I am very grateful already for you reading up to here.
    I am looking forward to your answer.
    Thanks a lot.
    Yours sicerely,
    Goretti

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  15. Dear ABC. It´s Goretti again. I just want to add, once I saw my message added, what I have done to try to solve the problem, without success. Once off sick, I wrote a letter to the school, which I sent to the inspectors too, to ask to have my professional and personal dignity restored, since they really tried, and still are trying to take it to pieces. This is a village, and these people are keen on each other, some really good friends. Some others are scared to tell the truth, to avoid been isolated, I guess, and are cowards. Thank God, this year some parents were brave, and faced the liars. So, there are in inspeccion two letters against me, one letter from the headmaster , supported by at least the psychologist, (with no prove, of course), and one letter in my favour, signed by half of the parents of the pupils of my tutory group.
    In the letter I sent to the school, I tried to defend myself from the accusations they told me, trying to show they are lies.
    I did´nt get an answer in several months ( I didn´t expect to have one, really. I specially wanted the inspectors to know my version). So now I intend to send another letter demanding an answer. Before I stopped working I knew they were cooking me something nasty, so I called the inspector to ask for help, and for my surprise she told me that she was going to open a search profile, since she had complaints against me. I asked her to do her job as soon as possible, because I couldn´t bear it any more. But since then she did nothing.
    I don´t know what else to do. I know that if I go to another school far away, the shadow of this problem will always be upon me, someone will find out. Also, my husband and me chose this village to bring up our family. It is also conveniente for his job. Besides, I have nothing to be ashamed of. I want to fight it. I have three coleagues who support me. One even told me several times that she will defend me before anyone, since she knows how I work and how good I am.
    The rumours are still ongoing, with more and more lies. The parents in the other school, logically, will be scared of a teacher who is said to scare and hit children. Here is where I don´t know what to do. The director there seems to be very nice, at least. But I am scared of what could happen. May be I should just drop the subject until something -has- to be done.
    I am looking forward to your advice. Bless you.
    Sincerely,
    Goretti

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  16. Dear Maria,
    Your story is a classic example of “the workplace bullying and mobbing phenomenon”. Being a phenomenon, target’s stories are often strikingly similar, sharing a number of elements. In your case, being a teacher, made your chances of coming across this problem greater than other professions. Surprisingly, teachers, medical professionals and people who work in any of “the helping professions” have a higher than average incidence of bullying and mobbing. Most targets are mature and have been in their professions successfully for decades, in your case 16 years. Once chosen as a target, things usually become critical for the target within two years, just like in your case. Although this is probably one of the most challenging problems in your life, you have a number of factors in your favor, which makes me confident that you’ll get through this thing, happier and stronger than ever.
    The thing that makes me feel the most positive about your circumstances is your own perspective of the problem. You seem very confident that the complaints against you are just “rumors” and “lies” and that you have “nothing to be ashamed of”. I applaud you for sticking up for your bullied student despite the outcome. Often targets who are faced with invalid accusations, actually believe the accusations, not understanding the motives of a workplace bully. You are correct to be concerned for how this may affect your health, as well as the health of your unborn child. Workplace bullying and mobbing is known to adversely affect both the physical and emotional health of targets. Stress related physical problems such as high blood pressure, heart arrhythmia, irritable bowel syndrome, to name just a few, and emotional injuries such as anxiety, depression, hyper-vigilance and PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) are common and life threatening. Recent articles on the Internet have stated that 15% of successful adult suicides are found to be due to workplace bullying and/or mobbing. Recent articles have also stated that the phenomenon is more detrimental than that of workplace sexual harassment which has been illegal in the United States for many years.
    I think in your situation the bully is “the master” who “hid problems” which “she didn’t deal with properly”, then blamed you, which is referred to as “scapegoating” in anti-bullying literature. When you stopped the bullying of your pupil, something the the master should have done, embarrassed her. The lies and gossip were necessary to hide the real problem, which is her own incompetence. Bringing out problems like you rightly did, is referred to as “whisleblowing” in the literature and is illegal in some places, under certain circumstances.
    So there is really only one person, the master, who is driving everyone else against you. I am not surprised that she did not respond to your letter of defense and that the brainwashed new inspector didn’t follow through on the alleged other complaints against you. The reason being, there are no valid complaints against you. If these were valid complaints, you would have been fired already and rightly so. In the United States a teacher would be fired on the spot and arrested and taken away by the police, for hitting a child.
    I advice you against writing a second letter “demanding an answer”. It’s important to realize you CANNOT REASON WITH A BULLY! and she has no valid answers! A second letter, especially with demands, would only serve to corner and infuriate the bully further and would most certainly be turned against you.
    Moving on to a new school is the best thing that could have happened. The best approach in my opinion is to NOT REACT. Behave in this new school as if nothing wrong at all happened at the last school. Don’t feel as though you owe anyone an explanation or a defense for what happened at the old school. It’s a good thing that you already have colleagues and parents on your side and the director at the new school “seems nice”. It’s true that gossip may follow you where ever you go. The best approach is to prove that the gossip and rumors are wrong by your behavior, not by talking about these incidents. Do your best to make new friends in your new school. Go the extra mile for colleagues, parents and students who are in need. Do not say anything bad against anyone, even against those who lied and hurt you the most. Make your real views against bullying and hitting students known during regular conversations. As time goes on, and these new relationships become closer, you might want to share what you know about the phenomenon of workplace bullying and mobbing and how this once caused you trouble in your life. Never seem angry towards those against you. Instead, seem perplexed and concerned for those who are telling the lies.
    The bully’s most harmful weapon is isolating the target by turning the mob against him/her through lies. If the target’s relationships and reputation are flawless, it makes it extremely difficult for the bully to take the target down.
    Learn all you can about workplace bullying and mobbing. Knowledge is power as they say and will make this journey an easier one. It is my hope that some day, all working people will know how to recognize it, name it, and end workplace bullying and mobbing together!
    Congratulations for your new position at the new school and for your new baby. Feel free to write anytime. If you prefer to write to me confidentially, email me @ abcbullynomore@aol.com God Bless you and your family, ABC

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  17. My name is Emmanuel Onen and i am a student from the University for the
    creative arts Farnham. My team and i are interested in creating a
    documentary on the effects of bullying on adult life. we were wandering
    whether you could put us into contact with participants people, groups or
    organisations who could help us.

    initially we are looking for adults bullied when they were at school but are expanding to encompuss all forms of bullying.

    Were you bullied?
    Age 30+?
    We want to hear your stories

    Student filmmakers at Degree level seek participants for a Documentary

    Directed by a EU & UK Film Council funded student with two years BBC
    experience

    If interested please contact;
    Stephanie & Emmanuel at bullyingdoc@hotmail.com

    please contact me on: 07950592266

    0r goliath423@hotmail.com

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  18. Hi ABC, I like your site very much! Maybe we could do a reciprocal link? I have a book available on workplace bullying called “Don’t take SHIT from Hyenas in the Workplace” by Dr Susan Steinman and wonder whether it was possible to spread the word about the book which can be purchased (ebook or published version) by visiting http://www.worktrauma.org/susanstore.htm . If you send me your address, I will mail you a complimentary copy.
    Kind regards, Susan

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  19. Sent To: ABC – AntiBullyingCrusador

    I thought this was all my fault
    Until I read your post on the Dr Phil message board I thought this was all my fault and I had done something (no idea what) wrong. I don t even know where to begin – except to say that mobbing totally changed my career, my family, and myself. I have never been so ashamed and humiliated to the point I have not even tried to find a job since this happened to me and I am a single mom with 2 kids! Everything you wrote hit home with me – I was doomed the first day the bully selected me, I am not crazy, I didn t do anything to cause this, everyone didn t hate me they were part of the mob, etc. Until I read your words I had no idea this was because of a bully, or a mob, I just continued to wonder over and over what had I done? I had no way to defend myself because no one believed me. In my situation the mob didn t join in out of fear from the bully – over time they became the bully with the same complaints and accusations. I feel like I am rambling but I am writing to you through tears of relief because for the first time everything has become so clear. As you know bullying and mobbing causes total devastation to a persons life. I am still in the middle of that devastation but finally it looks like there may be a way out. Thank you so much for sharing all the information. I cannot tell you enough just how much every single word means to me.
    Jenna

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  20. SWPA has sent you a message
    SWPA Offline M
    Sent To: ABC – AntiBullyingCrusador

    Nurses and workplace bullying
    Last weekend
    I was kicked by another nurse under the table w/no witnesses. I was working at the computer and then she wanted me to look at this chart. As she was kicking me she was saying pay attention when I am talking to you.
    After she said something to the effect of Oh maybe I shouldn t have kicked you, you will prob report me for that. I said nothing at the time. I just gave her a look as if to say what the heck do you think you are doing?.. and snickered to myself and just shook my head.
    She has been verbally abusing me for weeks now. She has also tried to pull me in to be her scapegoat. I have shown no emotion to her sharp words. Now it looks like she has moved on to kicking me?!??! She is known as a bully by other staff nurses. Rumor has it she has friends in management. I did report her via voicemail to my acting unit director. I did not leave the details on the voicemail. I just said there was a problem and to give me a call.
    It has been several days and he has not retured my call
    What do you think of this situation??
    Is this worth sticking around and fighting for what is right( and staff and client saftey) and or martyr myself? or just get the heck outta there??
    Has this ever happened to you?
    What was the outcome?
    I read your profile. I can t blame you for taking a leave and not wanting to return.
    Thanks,
    Lisa

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  21. thanks for your site. I was bullied through elementary and part of high school and it was a nightmare. There was never any reason and I was raised to be good to everyone, have integrity etc.. I was a happy cheerful bright little girl who became afraid, quiet and voiceless. Racism, homophobia, ageism etc is different because it is based on a physical ‘difference’ but has no real connection to the individual, but bullying is personal and devastating because there is no rational to it. Bullying is abuse and should be recognized as such. It bothers me that the bullies have grown up, have jobs, have children, what are they teaching their kids?
    Children abusing children. I have a strong distrust of people and few friends because of this. I somehow thought that as an adult it would be all rainbows and I would find the ‘cool’ people, but continued to encounter bullies although in much more subtle forms, had abusive bully boyfriends…. And while I have gotten better at staying away from them, I still get entangled with them because they know I am a good target. Any victim of any kind of abuse knows that it becomes so engrained that you keep following the same pattern.
    But it is not your fault, you are not a bad person.
    Abusers and bullies cannot be reasoned with. They are great at lying and twisting things around and often have a great facade so anything you say can be quickly dashed. they are about control and power. They feed on hurting you. Abc you are amazing to have stayed with your job for so long, but I do not recommend it, although I have a bully boss too.
    Much is being done about bullying in schools these days, but there is a lack of dialogue about bullying in the workplace although it seems rampant. Grown ups shouldn’t have to go home crying and having sleepness nights because they play the events over and over wondering what they did wrong.
    Is it part of capitalism-the dog eat dog scenario? lack of compassion and working for the bottom dollar rather than the common good.

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  22. Good blog. I’m amazing at much bullying goes on in the adult world. Bullies make the victims feel miserable, but my guess is that bullies themselves are unhappy people.
    If anyone was bullied in school because of your looks but now you have self-esteem and contentment as an adult, you might be a candidate for my inspirational book, “Facing the World.” Contact me at jimo@oconnorpr.com

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  23. dear ABC
    I hope it is OK that I mentioned your blog on workrant.com which is an office rant website. I have found both your site and workrant.com a means of moral support and very informative. Thank you. indignant2

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  24. Dear Indignant2 or should I call you “Clarissa”. I have never seen the “office rant” web site until now and have decided to write a short article about this website under “On-line Resources”. There’s some pretty funny stuff there which certainly lightens up the subject which I think my readers will benefit from. ABC

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  25. IMO bully bosses are parly a result of the corporate mindset. In the corporate mindset, there has to be high performers and low performers. So bosses single out people to be their low performer and to receive their bad review. Often it is someone they feel threatened by, or someone they want to tear down because of jealousy of their abilities. I’ve seen it over and over, and when that person leaves as they always do, another one is selected to be the new low performer. Often simply picked because this person’s personality doesn’t mesh with this bosses, or they are quiet and most likely not to defend themselves.

    See bullies single out the weak and vulnerable, the people they think we take their abuse without going to their bosses boss. I’ve seen this in multiple companies. I believe its the corporate mentality that promotes this behavior.

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  26. I am an RN with 24 years experience and I have left a job for bullying from my boss, and now it is starting with my new boss. I totally agree with your points, mobbing is one of the most hurtful parts of it all. I teach this to my staff all the time, so I appreciate seeing that I am not alone on this crusade. Thank you for taking a step for all those who can’t
    Tracy

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  27. Dear Tracy,
    As I often write, once a target always a target. I feel a common bond between all “targets” of “workplace bullying and mobbing” present and past. It’s like the kinship felt between soldiers who have fought in great battles in famous wars. Horrific violence becomes a part of who a person is, giving them a unique perspective that only fellow victims can truly understand. Just as the “tactics” of our bully bosses are unbelievably similar, the effect on past targets are unbelievably similar as well. It has been a recurring theme, in accounts from past targets, that once free from a hostile workplace, it continues to be a big part of their lives. Being bullied is not easily forgotten. Instead, many targets are left with a new maturity, almost a seriousness, about the importance of respectfulness toward everyone we encounter. In so many ways, targets are doing whatever they can, to reach and teach others about the bullying and mobbing phenomenon. Soon, with our individual and joint efforts, all working Americans will come to know enough, To Recognize it, Name it, and End Workplace Bullying and Mobbing Together! God bless you and all your efforts in this very important cause. ABC

    Like

  28. I eagerly and happily went to work daily for 23yrs and did damned good work. Then my bully was hired. She was the young coworker (Columbine generation) I trained who then became my supervisor. This is the first time I have written about this. I have endured 7yrs of hell. Mobbing took place almost immediately when the power shifted. The earliest attacks were subtle but with time blatant-many examples, none of which would stand up in court without support/proof. I don’t know the definition of PTSD but believe I have it. Hypersensitivity to her presence, hands/voice shake, trouble concentrating, trouble sleeping, trouble enduring loud noises hectic environments, suicidal thoughts, etc. This drags you down to the point where you become your own worst enemy and the quality of your work and your health suffers. I do not have a support system at home to help ameliorate the effects. I have found that men actually admire this kind of viciousness in a female. I believe the only solution is to flee as soon as possible-some of her lesser targets have already fled. I have also observed one target brown-nose so aggressively that she ended her campaign against her. Anyone from the previous regime was targetted and then replaced by newly hired soldiers. My pension I devotedly earned here is tied to a certain length of employment I have not reached yet. The question is whether I live long enough. The irony to me is that never has my workplace been so out of control, yet she is like teflon. I know enough of her background to understand why she is as she is. My reaction daily is that of a stunned deer in headlights. I just can’t believe one human being can be so without conscience. When you spend enough time with people, they reveal themselves in many ways-lets just say that bigotry cruelty sociopathy is alive and well in the american workplace.

    Like

  29. Dear ABC,

    Interesting website and yes, I have experienced WP bullying and especially mobbing as a former public school teacher. Have a question for you that if you can respond to via e-mail would be appreciated.

    I have read a lot of your blog articles and it is clear you use (IMO overuse) the term “target” yet rarely if ever use the term “victim.”

    Is there a reason you choose not to describe targets as victims? Or why you don’t use victims to describe targets? They are one in the same are they not?

    Thanks,

    DBC

    Like

  30. i am a victim of workplace bullying/mobbing in order to stop the monsters that inflict this treatment on us we have to fight back, i mean literally push our legislatures to make this horrible treatment illegal, as long as we crawl in a hole and die the abusers will be satisfied. although this type of violence is not illegal i have to fight back these people want to destroy you financially by pushing you out of your job also emotionally by making your life a living hell, im seeking support because im taking my abusers to court win or lose, i wont stop telling the world what these monsters did to me.

    Like

  31. Teana-one thing I notice from this site is that no one seems to come back to it or reply to each other-I believe we all came here as a last desperate search for comfort and terrible things have happened to us. It is not our imagination or fault-we were targetted and mobbed for no reason of our doing or control and while bullies have always existed this disease of the workplace did not exist 20yrs ago. It is of modern invention and needs to be legislated-but I doubt it ever will. What does need to happen is support systems for victims. For example, job references need to be legislated. My bully boss…the day I met her… said home phone #’s should be given on references so that she can trash the employee without fear of legal repercussions! I read in the paper the other day of a local school holding a good charachter day-schools now seeing the need to teach children to be good to each other-because parents/media were/are teaching them the opposite. I found this website here when I was surfing the net out of curiousity about a game called The Mafia Game I overheard my young mobsters laughing about and extending invitations to another coworker to join. Imagine my shock to learn this game is being banned in schools across America where young kids are committing suicide in despair. I now realize I grew up so sheltered because for so many years I thought the world was good and just. I pray good futures for all of you.

    Like

    • How would you like to find bloody sanitary products in your coffee mug?
      ripsaw4360@verizon.net

      Like

  32. dear Hell on earth
    Although I don’t respond to posts, I visit this site often. I feel sympathy for the targets of WP bullying and what they have suffered, or are suffering. Sorry to read of what you are going through at work.
    You mentioned that this disease didn’t exist 20 years ago. I have been in employment for 40 years and from what I’ve seen, it has always been around. I’d prefer to be friends with people and quietly get on with my job but WP bullies seem to ENJOY being nasty, which gives them extra impetus. I can’t understand what they get out of being so brutal.
    Websites like this show me I’m not alone. And the advice is good. It’s only in the last few months that I’ve managed to retaliate against my WP bully. It’s almost bewildering how they backed off! Now life is a little easier for me but the threat is always lurking. If a bully sees an opening, they will strike. And I’ve noticed that if one bully backs off, another one emerges from their corner. It’s never-ending!
    I get further solace and amusement by reading http://www.workrant.com and from having my own blog where I can rant and get my thoughts in order. Thanks for your post and to teana (and all the others) for sharing.
    Best wishes.

    Like

    • Dear ABC,

      I just happened to stumble upon your site, today… I wish that we could partner for this cause.. the stories I have to tell you are totally, unbelievable,,,, except to one who has experienced the same insanity and survived…I , too am an RN and became a target of a physician, who worked for a large specialty group. Interestingly, he was fired from the group by his partners in 2002. There is so much more to this story, and HE is STILL affecting me by PROXY, 8 years later. I would like the opportunity to tell of my experiences, which of course, the public @ large, would label as MY dysfunction. I could not invent the situations that occurred in the 8 years of employment, as his Nurse.

      As I have commented to others, my imagination is NOT that creative to have manufactured these events. Unfortunately, I was not able to comprehend what had occurred and how had negatively destroyed my reputation professionally and on a personal level, for over 3 years, post termination from my employment , when he was fired. Additionally, though a genius in his specialty, has been diagnosed with ADD, and I strongly supect that that he suffers from narcisstic borderline personality. I would greatly appreciate being able to contact you privately.

      Even today, the negative effect his calculated attacks had on my life, are still present. Additionally he also used techniques like “gaslighting”, etc. Your readers need to be taught and aware of ALL of the techniques and tactics , that may be used them.

      If it were not for the support of my best friend, (have known her for 15 years) and the CLINICAL MANAGER of this group and @ that time, my DIRECT supervisor, I may have been one of those statistics, no longer able to tell their story. I would love to speak with you.

      Sincerely,

      BEEN THERE….
      =================================
      ABC’s RESPONSE TO “BEEN THERE:

      Dear.”Been There…”,

      Exactly!, what better way to say it! I feel a special kinship with all targets of bullies! I can tell after reading just a few sentences that you have lived it, and therefore fully understand the bullying and mobbing phenomenon! It’s so utterly frustrating trying to explain it to someone who has never observed it, or experienced it themselves! The tactics all so ridiculous and hard to believe, that people you describe it to, can’t help but think you must be overly sensitive or have some how missed something in the retelling, the inevitable question always being, “and, Why… would someone do that?, as if you should known, the point, just that!

      Feel free, to write your bullying experiences in the comment sections, after articles, any where on this website. It is especially helpful to write your true stories, special advice, and links to other resources in the comment section after an article in which the content had similarities to your own story, advice or resource etc..

      Readers wanting to contact me off site, or before publishing content in comments, can reach me by email,
      abcbullynomore@aol.com

      Your involvement when adding content to this website, makes you an official member of the ever growing, **Anti-Workplace Bullying and Mobbing Movement – USA**

      LET’S END IT TOGETHER~ ABC

      Like

      • thank you for your posts and information again…I remember going through all this bullying in my home and the police turning up for numerous things and telling me off because the bully had a small mob and they knew when I was home alone….I remember clearly just shaking my head and saying this is really unbelievable to the extent that I actually lost my mind as the bully was hell bent on getting me into a court room at the same time as her…so many of the things you have written have shone a light on the darkness I felt I was dragged through… I guess I am only in early days of my recovery and I am bound by shame at times of what I witnessed which I hope to be able to write down and burn soon..today I have not spoken to another human being and have hidden at home on the farm..its a bad day of memories for me and hopefully tomorrow will get better…thanks for listening and being of help to others

        Like

  33. I HAVE CONTACTED MY LEGISLATURES VIA EMAIL, SO FAR NO ONE HAS RESPONDED. AS A LAST RESORT I SENT LETTERS TO THEIR HOMES ASKING FOR SUPPORT BY SPONSORING AN WORKPLACE BULLYING BILL, SINCE THIS TOPIC HAS BEEN BROUGHT UP FOR YEARS AND KNOW ONE PUSHED THE ISSUE OUR GOVERNMENT NEVER ADDRESSED IT OR GAVE IT ANY SERIOUS ATTENTION. I HAVE AN ANTI BULLYING CAMPAIGN POST ON CHANGE.ORG UNDER THE CRIMINAL JUSTICE TAB BECAUSE A LOT OF THE BULLYING WE HAVE ENDURED IS A CRIMINAL OFFENSE. AGAIN I ASK EVERYONE TO CONTACT THE LEGISLATURES AND LETS COLLABORATE TO BRING AWARENESS AND HELP EACH OTHER.

    Like

  34. Let’s join Teana and write to our legislatures today!

    Spread the word about workplace bullying and mobbing ! It is my hope that one day, all working Americans will know enough about Workplace Bullying and Mobbing – To Recognize it, Name it, and END Workplace Bullying and Mobbing Together! ABC – AntiBullyingCrusador

    Like

  35. Beat Workplace Bullying by E-PETITION.

    Workplace bullying is a serious and growing problem in many countries. There are organizations and publications offering advice on how to lessen the impact of bullying. However they do not solve, let alone eradicate the problem. What is needed is new laws, new procedures and changes in management attitude and accountability. This requires the involvement and commitment of politicians and lawmakers. They in turn can be motivated to act by the people they represent. That can be done through petitions that are nowadays made easy through the internet. Search and find live e-petitions and sign them. If no suitable e-petitions can be found, start one.

    In the UK there are presently 2 live e-petitions (complementing each other) that ask the prime minister to address workplace bullying. If any UK citizens or residents read this, please support these petitions by signing them. Then please SPREAD THE WORD. The e-petitions can be found at:
    http://petitions.number10.gov.uk/09Bullying/
    http://petitions.number10.gov.uk/Justice-Bullying/

    Like

  36. Do you know if that same legislation was submitted this session , what is the bill number? I was a victim of workplace bullying and it was the worst two years of my life. So many nights when I would drive home from work all I wanted to do was find a brick wall to drive into and if it were not for my husband and two children I would have. However, dealing with my bully was very tough as she was a black woman that had and still has a habit of walking around and filing CHRO complaints claiming she was the victim of being bullied. It was such a joke I went to upper management and human resources and begged for help and no one would deal with her because she was a “serial CHRO complainant”, however they were not concerned with what she was doing to our agency. She still walks our halls today continuing to bully employees, she is what I would call the classic serial bully. It was so funny after I found your website I was describing her as one to one of her current employees and did not know there was a name for one but that is what she is, a serial bully. Finally after working with her for so long and not being able to take it anymore I finally got up enough guts to speak to the Commissioners chief of staff and ask to be transferred because I felt as though they were not utilizing me to the best of my ability it was at that time I was finally transferred. However, I will add I left a job that I was excellent at and know that I am missed at because I still till this day receive calls from customers I use to deal with and I have been out of that division for over 4 years now. Unfortunately, my agency refuses to deal with her or just does not know how. The first time I saw the bill at the legislature I contacted Representative Esposito I believe he was on the Labor Committee and told him I would be more than willing to testify at a hearing if he wanted me to but the bill went dead. Even though it has been over 4 years since I worked for her, some of the “scars” still remain, my bullying got so bad that it was published publicly in a Hartford Courant blog where she attacked me personally, yes we all know people use phony names on these but what was written about me had her name all over it, hard to prove though. Even my complaint about that to HR was not addressed, it is just very disappointing when you work so hard and try to do a good job and that is the way you are treated. I am glad to see a website like this I just wish I could have found it sooner. I would love to call my legislator and ask him to support it! Please post the bill number so I can call.

    Like

    • Information regarding legislation efforts in Connecticut can be found at the link below and on the right sidebar of this website for Connecticut Bully Busters.
      http://groups.google.com/group/connecticut-bullybusters

      Like

  37. I wish I could have found your blog sooner. I am a healthcare provider too, a CNA to be exact. My supervisor has been targetting me without my knowledge apparently. Spreading rumors, making faces at me when people weren’t around, and stalking me on the internet. I didn’t even know until they started talking about specific information that only I knew about. She would tell me things like, “you’re so young. I can’t believe you’re 2-. I thought you were in highschool.” At first, I thought it was a compliment but afterwards I saw that whenever she would say that, she would turn around and tell the person next to her that she was bullsh—ing with me and call me a psycho. She would say that the workers who were fired didn’t deserve to be while the ones who were still there no matter how she tries to find every little thing or evidence to get them fired they are still there. She has all my coworkers and even some residents turned against me. My coworkers have stopped talking to me and working with me. They have started with the harrassing themselves by saying sarcastic remarks to me.

    Like

  38. I have a giant story about harassment and bullying in the work place. I sent Asher numerous statements that I am hoping he can place on this web page. At the worse was a woman’s sanitary product in my coffee mug. I get the idea Asher is very busy to ready this statement for his web page.

    Can anyone help me please put this statement together?
    I want to tell the world what I had to endure.
    Kurt

    Like

    • Kurt,
      Who is “Asher” and why would you want this person to place something on my web page (ABC’s), that YOU sent him? Why not post it yourself? Do you think this is Asher’s web page? It isn’t! Let me know, in clearer terms exactly how I can help you. If you want to write me privately, I can be emailed @ abcbullynomore@aol.com. I hope you don’t mind, but I deleted all but one, of the several -sanitary pad in the cup- comments you left on this web site. I wish you the best. Sincerely ABC-AntiBullyingCrusador (This is NOT a pseudonym for “Asher”)

      Like

  39. ABC blogger, I just wanted to let you know that your blog post was very deep and touched me and my experience with my bully boss as well. Thank you for sharing this.

    Like

  40. […] of “work place bullying and mobbing” is little known, which is surprising, since it affects 70% of working Americans at some time in their […]

    Like

  41. it’s unbelievable how many people go through this. Will things ever change?

    Like

  42. I’ve posted here a couple of times before, but hadn’t read your entire history. When I saw you had been bullied more than once, I was relieved to know I wasn’t alone–I’ve been bullied repeatedly, although never when I was young. Only when I had reached my mid-forties did the bullying begin, and it was clear to me that it was due entirely to the advanced knowledge in my field that I possessed, resulting in my being perceived as a threat.

    Since that first incident in my forties, I’ve been bullied three more times, two of them at critical junctures in my effort to reinvent my career. As a result, I lost a second career and then a third. Now, despite being “all but dissertation” in psychology, I work as an administrative assistant/project assistant–and only part-time. Our finances are destroyed–the lost jobs/careers resulted in months of unemployment and ultimately in our house being foreclosed and bankruptcy.

    Still, I’d rather be the ethical and hardworking person I am than the morally bankrupt persons who bullied me.

    I’ve been grieving over my two lost careers, both of which I loved–having a difficult time moving on, as daily, I go to a job that has little to do with who I am as a person, and uses very few of my skills and abilities. I’ve considered self-employment, but I have an elderly mother that takes a good bit of my time, and also have had some bullying-related health problems.

    Still, I’m glad there are sites like this, where I know I am a) believed and b) understood as the decent, good person I am (and was), who deserved none of the treatment and resulting hardship that have befallen me.

    Like

  43. I am a 58 year old Canadian, who has lived in Vancouver for over 30 years and have almost had my fill of it. I have been a retail S/R for 30 years for a very old school, pro-bullying work site. Because of that and a recent, serious knee operation in December, and my surgeon’s orders NOT to return to that type of work, I am switching careers RADICALLY. I am trying to break intio the social services/ religious education field via a job training course in Richmond, B.C. My passion is for justice in the workplace and want mostly to Equip people; however, i also want to encourage peoplel and yet enforce new or improved legislation. I attend a Christian & Missionary Alliance,Church in Vancouver and am a member there. So far I have found 2 schools for training but need your input as to direction and employment outlets. Please respond when you have the chance. Thanks, Mike Brown. ,

    Like

    • Dear Michael,
      Sorry it took me so long to get back to you. I personally do not have any information in regards to anti-bullying related employment and/or training. After learning so much about the subject, I too wondered about career opportunities in this field. Unfortunately, most people in Connecticut, where I live in the United States, are still unfamiliar with the “workplace bullying and mobbing” phenomenon, despite its growing affects, especially within our state’s government. I was shocked to learn that many law firms, which specialize in employment law in my state, are not even familiar with the terms “workplace bullying and mobbing”. I quickly came to realize, that job opportunities related to “workplace bullying and mobbing” do not exist, where the problem doesn’t exist in the minds of others. Fortunately, this is not true of every place. The best source of information that I could find is; “The International Educational Coalition on Workplace Bullying”. Their Facebook link is below. Good luck and God bless you, in your fight against the evils of workplace bullying and mobbing. Let’s beat it together!
      ABC – AntiBullyingCrusador

      Like

  44. ABOUT-ABC Antibullyingcrusador's Weblog – beneficial

    Like

  45. If you are a corporation seeking to improve staff morale, improve productivity, or develop better customar relations skills,you may want to consider trainings to anti-bullying or school violence.If you are a social service agency, mental healthl ,or Seminar about conflict resolution organization,you may be more interested in training topics related to school violence, expert witness, and self Injurious Behavior” or cyberbullyingor “Interviewing techniques for children and Adolescents”.

    Like

  46. Is there such a thing as an unofficial bully register, where people can post the names of bullies? Maybe if a lot of people do that: post the same name: like if that person is boss of a big well known company, then it will get listened to?

    Like

  47. Hi ,

    I am an Australian woman who is still in the mire of tredging through workplace bullying and sexual harrassment. I too was driving home from work one day crying and desperate and wanted to drive into the back of a semi trailor. When I finally got home I broke down to my new partner and told my story for the first time . The years of anquish and feelings of despair. I reached out to my GP and told my story, it was then I was diognosed with depression and anxiety and started telling my story of workplace bullying. It was hard for me to admit , as I have always been a person of resliance and courage. I felt ashamned that I had allowed this type of behaviour to happen to me .

    After I then came under the NSW workcover system, oh my this open a can of worms . It has been over 1 year now and I have been through 2 investigations , one of which found one of my managers guilty of sexual misconduct, aggressive behaviour , breach of confidentiality . My other allegations of bullying on other managers was unsubstantiated. I am now expected to attend mediation after all this time , oh and 12 months ago I was transferred to another office and advised it would all be resolved in 6 weeks! Well here I am still rolling with the system and struggling for justice. My latest advice is that if I do not participate in mediation then I may be transferred to another department , if no p0stions can be found I then become known as a job seeker what ever that means.

    I am tired exhausted and now just in constant confusion as to where I can get any real help. My GP has been amazing and I am blessed I found her and my counsellor.

    My latest thought is to go public in the media , however I am not sure how they may effect my future employment opportunities.

    Cheers
    Tabatha
    NSW Australia
    29/04/2012

    Like

    • Dear Tabatha,
      It’s hard for me to comment, as I do not have an understanding of how employers, government agencies, laws and people in general, deal with the workplace bullying/mobbing problem in your country. It seems to me though, that the more people who become involved, the muddier the water becomes If pursuing justice on this issue is becoming a greater strain than the issue its self, maybe you should step back for awhile. Take time out from even thinking about it for awhile and do something fun for yourself. Later, when rested, reconsider ALL your options, before jumping back in. Think “out of the box” as they say here in the States, and just maybe consider the possibility of just moving forward and away from this problem once and for all. For me, with the passage of time its self, the hurt and memories finally started to fade, and soon I hardly thought of it at all.
      You’re in my prayers, ABC

      Like

  48. Some genuinely good content on this website , thankyou for contribution.

    Like

  49. Simply a smiling visitor here to share the love (:, btw outstanding pattern .

    Like

  50. Not often do I encounter a blog that’s both educated and entertaining, and let me tell you, you’ve hit the nail on the head. Your concept is excellent; the issue is something that not enough individuals are talking intelligently about. I am very pleased that I stumbled across this in my quest for something relating to this.

    Like

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    Like

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    Like

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    Like

  54. I always emailed this web site post page to all my associates, since if like to read
    it afterward my friends will too.

    Like

  55. Hi, ABC! I love your blog and am so glad I found it! I was bullied when I was younger, so I know how much this website can help kids like me out there who are hurting. To raise awareness about cyberbullying, I designed a “stop bullying” infographic. Here’s the link: http://www.calera.biz/what-is-cyberbullying-infographic
    I hope you like it!! Thanks for keeping up the blog!

    Like

    • Thank you Sarah for this information,
      I allow all reader comments with links that are helpful to others. It’s important to keep in mind however, that this website is about Workplace Bullying and Mobbing, and Adult Bullying outside of the workplace. When adults bully other adults in the workplace or in other circumstances, it is motivated by the bully having a level of psychopathy. Meaning, they lack or have a diminished ability to feel empathy or compassion for others. On the other hand, schoolyard bullying is usually just immaturity which most children grow out of. When bullying behaviors continue into adolescence, teenage years, and beyond, the motivation is more likely the more serious version of bullying, motivated by a level of psychopathy, which people are born with, and never outgrow. So beware, when children don’t grow out of bullying. Their behaviors become more and more like adult bullies as they become adults, and are much more dangerous.
      I hope you continue your efforts to keep the public informed, of bullying in all its forms! Lets End Bullying Together! ABC

      Like

  56. Just came across the term “coercive control”. Seems to me it describes the surround-sound methods bullies use and how the techniques are designed to be invisible to everyone but the victim.

    Like

  57. “Coercive control” is a new one for me. It amazes me how many different words and terms people use in the United States to describe adults who abuse other adults and their tactics. In the United Kingdom and Europe, the word “bully” is most commonly used, and was the “keyword” that finally brought me to the websites and the understanding of the “workplace bullying and mobbing phenomenon”, which was the problem I was dealing with, in the late 1990s and early 2000s. Most people in the United States, use the word “bully(ing)” in reference to schoolyard bullying, rarely associating this term in reference to adult abusers. So it’s important to learn and include as many keywords, especially new ones, on articles and websites, to get the word out there. Thanks for sharing, and for all your efforts in making this world a little bit better and easier to understand. ABC

    Like

    • I only heard the term “coercive control” in the last couple of days. I put a couple of articles about it on my site”Citizens, not serfs”. The process/formula was identified by people looking at the situation of battered wives – but when you read the process, it is the same formula being applied in bullying in the workplace, and the methods are known to be used in cults and by pimps to keep slave prostitutes under control. Domination and exploitation. Good tip – I will be spreading the word about “coercive control” wherever suitable across all my sites.

      Like

  58. Hello!

    I’m reaching out to let you know about a new blog post AntiBullyingCrusador readers might find helpful called “Workplace Bullying Laws in California: Know Your Rights” http://employmentattorneyla.com/workplace-bullying-laws-in-california-know-your-rights/

    I work with the California Employment Lawyers of Hennig Ruiz, a Los Angeles-based firm that specializes in whistleblower, workplace retaliation and workplace discrimination law. The firm has serviced the Los Angeles area for a number of years, and the attorneys passionately fight for employee rights.

    We think you are an excellent anti-bullying resource for employees. If this post is something you’d like to share on your blog, please let me know. Thanks — and keep up the great work!

    Kind Regards,
    Natalie

    Natalie Lynn
    Content Strategy Manager
    Two Wheels Marketing
    http://www.TwoWheelsMarketing.com

    Like

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