Workplace Bullying – More About Recovery, by ABC


Well Wishes From Reader

ABC, please post a reply and tell us, your followers, how you are doing, or if there is ANYTHING we can do to help you. I don’t even mind calling you. Honestly, your blog has saved countless numbers from more serious consequences from these psychopathic bullies. The serial kind is the MOST dangerous. We care about you…. please post a reply.

ABC Replies,

-Blind-sided by bullying professionals while seeking help with post-bullying job loss recovery-

Dear Readers,

Thanks to all my readers for all the encouraging words after my posting that I finally lost my job at the hands of my workplace serial bully boss.  I want everyone to know that I am feeling better and better each day, by the passage of time and by the support from all of you, my readers, my spouse and the guidance of the Holy Spirit.

It is also a comfort to know that the anti-workplace bullying and mobbing movement, is gaining momentum in the United States due the tireless efforts of dozens of anti-bullying activists, blogs and support groups, growing in numbers every day, the understanding needed, that will one day make it possible, for all working Americans;  To Recognize it, Name it, and End Workplace Bullying and Mobbing Together!

My journey through this experience has put me in a  position to learn more than I ever wanted to know, about the devastating effects of  “workplace bullies” and the “mobbing” behaviors caused by their influence and manipulation of others. This continues to play itself out, presenting a much bigger picture, in ways I never expected, as I go about the business of recovery.

Now, safely separated from the abuses of my workplace serial bully boss, I have been blind-sided by the final brutal tactics of my employer, the company itself, as represented by the Human Resource Department, in the course of the actual legal separation, from my 30 year employment with them.

As is the case with most any type of abusive relationship, my employer has taken steps to insure my silence, having successfully cornered me into a position commonly referred to as “between a rock and a hard place”, leaving little choice, but to sign their papers of “agreement”. My signature, a representation of being silenced by poverty and fear, the document being specifically inclusive of the agreement itself, and everything that preceded it. The signature representing the company itself, a representation of the management’s  knowledge, that even their own written words of  “agreement”  if published, would not be perceived as agreeable by others.  The seal of their abuse,  the requirement of my silence, and made evident by a truth I think most everyone can agree upon, that being;  Gag clauses exist for only two reasons, 1) National security.  2) To hide the truth!

I was then doubly blind-sided by bullying behaviors from 3 different psychiatric professionals I sought help from.  Additionally, being unwittingly brushed off by an employment attorney, followed by denials of my claims for continuation of first short-term, then long-term disability insurance coverage, provided by my employer.

This was all very perplexing to me.  Once again, I found myself  doubting my own perceptions, which lengthened my silence.  Having come to realize, I needed a deeper, more global understanding of the bullying phenomenon, now experienced outside the workplace, as well as needing certainty about my own perceptions, through meditation.

Unprepared to face bullying, called “psychopathy”, outside the workplace arena, I was initially blinded to that possibility as the reason that the 3 different psychiatrists, discarded my stated emotional injuries due to workplace bullying.  Instead, each concluded that I am “seriously mentally ill”, each very confident, about the widely varied diagnosis, they each came up with.  Each also, denied having previous knowledge of the workplace bullying and mobbing phenomenon, a concept which none of them seemed willing to look into, despite my insistence that this was central to my issue.

Their responses similarly hostile in their delivery, left me freshly stunned, the second, and then the third time, as if experienced for the first time. Finally, I came to realize, the similarity of their tactics, were more than just coincidence!

Finding through my research that this is a common problem among recovering targets, it didn’t take long for me to realize, that I missed the hallmark of bullies where ever they may hide. That being the similarities of their tactics, none of which makes sense to the sane.  Why would a psychiatrist, take a hostile stance while telling a seriously mentally ill patient their diagnosis, rather than coax them into the treatment they need? It just doesn’t make sense, a hallmark of bullying behaviors, for sure.

Stumbling across 3 psychopathic psychiatrists in a row, seemed statistically impossible and was hard to get past logically, but is actually easier than I thought, and even easier to explain, given the more global perspective, my research on “psychopathy” in society revealed.

This information, vital to all targets in the vulnerable, final stages, of a workplace bullying and mobbing campaign, will follow soon. In the mean time, recovering targets should take extra care to only seek bullying/mobbing related professional help, from professionals who already have an understanding of the bullying and mobbing phenomenon, and that psychiatrist, additionally, be recommended, by someone who really knows them.

Readers can help in the fight against workplace bullying and mobbing, by reaching out and teaching as many people as you can, about the phenomenon, and the devastating effects on targets and observers  everywhere.  Sharing your bullying stories, questions and comments on this website, is also a great help. The varying perspectives add a diverse quality to the content of the subject matter discussed.  So thanks again for the all the comments and well wishes, and please keep them coming!,

Let’s end it together!,

ABC

Job Loss due to Workplace Bullying, Taken Down by a Bully Boss. By ABC


Job Loss Due to Bullying / ABC Finally Taken Down By Bully Boss.  Next Step Recovery.  By ABC

I finally lost my job at the hands of my workplace serial bully boss, leaving at the end of November, after being accused of incompetence, based on uncompleted data entry, while working alone on a holiday.  Everything possible that could go wrong, did go wrong on that day, probably the worst day of my entire career.  I worked 11 hours that day, without a break or a meal despite being physically ill with a raging sore throat.

I called the office early the next morning reaching a coworker, and described the problems of the previous day, including how long I had worked.  I told her I would be late, being both exhausted and ill.  As soon as I arrived, I was called to Human Resources, where my bully boss was waiting, with a Human Resource Rep., having been found guilty before I could speak.   Detailing everything that went wrong, made no difference at all, having no witness to attest to my efforts.   She then added to her complaint, my arrival being late, while knowing I worked late and was ill.  Her total lack of empathy,  and disregard for my health, suddenly filled me with a chill, which grew into a fear, by the hate in her voice, thinking her capable of ending my life.  Stating I no longer felt safe, being expected to work ill, I finally left, never returning to my desk.

I had a horrible time with my bully boss for months prior to leaving my job which took a toll on my emotional and physical health.  For the first time in my life, I began having panic attacks, making my mind go blank, leaving me unable to respond to questions.

Since leaving my job, I feel utterly lost and physically and emotionally ill.  I never fully researched recovery after losing a job to bullying, feeling confident that my knowledge of the subject would be enough to protect my emotional and physical health and  prevent losing my job. How wrong I was!


Being a nurse, I logically concluded that I needed psychiatric treatment to help with my recovery, but after being evaluated by 3 different psychiatrists, I feel totally betrayed by that profession. NONE of them ever heard of workplace bullying and none of them seemed willing to take a few moments to look at my website or any other source of information on the subject. All three concluded that I was mentally ill, not emotionally injured, each labeling me with a different diagnosis.

The lessons learned;

-No matter how much you know about the phenomenon of workplace bullying and mobbing, it is almost impossible to make it stop and keep your job.

-Never seek  medical, psychiatric or legal help, for issues related to workplace bullying, from a professional who doesn’t already have an understanding of the phenomenon of workplace bullying and mobbing.

Being “emotionally stuck”, as one reader described it, I have been at a loss for words, leaving me unable to add new content to this website for several months.  But the passage of time in it’s self, is slowly improving my outlook, so keep coming back,  new content will follow soon, most likely about the subject of recovery after job loss due to bullying.

ABC

Workplace Bullying and Mobbing – Lets End it Together!!


Workplace Bullying and Mobbing – Let’s End it Together!!

-See the Comment below, a MUST READ from Teana, a reader of this blog who wrote in response to my article,   -ABOUT-ABC-

Comment:

I HAVE CONTACTED MY LEGISLATURES VIA EMAIL, SO FAR NO ONE HAS RESPONDED. AS A LAST RESORT I SENT LETTERS TO THEIR HOMES ASKING FOR SUPPORT BY SPONSORING AN WORKPLACE BULLYING BILL, SINCE THIS TOPIC HAS BEEN BROUGHT UP FOR YEARS AND KNOW ONE PUSHED THE ISSUE OUR GOVERNMENT NEVER ADDRESSED IT OR GAVE IT ANY SERIOUS ATTENTION. I HAVE AN ANTI BULLYING CAMPAIGN POST ON CHANGE.ORG UNDER  THE CRIMINAL JUSTICE TAB BECAUSE A LOT OF THE BULLYING WE HAVE ENDURED IS A CRIMINAL OFFENSE. AGAIN I ASK EVERYONE TO CONTACT THE LEGISLATURES AND LETS COLLABORATE TO BRING AWARENESS AND HELP EACH OTHER.

Comment by ABC

Let’s join Teana and write to  our legislatures today!

Spread the word about workplace bullying and mobbing !  It is my hope that one day,  all working Americans will know enough about Workplace Bullying and Mobbing – To Recognize it, Name it, and END Workplace Bullying and Mobbing Together!   ABC – AntiBullyingCrusador

Reader Stops Bullying, Uses ABC’s Advice.


Dear Readers,

Below is an edited comment written by an anonymous  reader of this website..  Read this very positive comment in black type, then my response below in red type. Thank you “anonymous” for the compliments, but there is a bit more you need to understand. ABC

I was accused several times a day of wasting his money and being unproductive after months of this the attacks escalated to insults, mocking, his favorite insult was the slang word for the female reproductive organ ( the P word)!!!! . after almost a year of this, I was losing weight, losing sleep and losing my mind!!!.
I may have unknowingly called him to task ( this is before I found your site and realized exactly what was happening) I went in and said to him ” if I’m not making you any money why do you keep me here???” and guess what, he had no answer!!!! now the attacks have stopped since he gets NO reaction from me(something I learned thanks to ABC’s website!!) I now realize that I am good at what I do, if I were not he would fire me. so anyone who is being bullied at work keep your head up and press on, there is hope!! my boss is the owner of the company, there is nobody above him but by following what I learned on this site I was able to stop the bullying!!! thank you for enlightening me ABC, you truly are a an answered prayer.

-ABC’s reply to Anonymous-

Dear Anonymous,

Thank you for the compliments.  Knowledge is power as they say and many targets see improvements in their situations once they gain an understanding of the workplace bullying and mobbing phenomenon.

Understanding that targets are chosen by bullies because of their positive attributes which bullies perceive as threatening, is a relief to know alone.  Then, experiencing results by “not reacting” to bullying behavior, gives a target the false impression that they have this problem licked.  But not so fast, it’s time to take pause, and learn a bit more.

Once a bully, always a bully.  Although bullies may have periods in which they take extra care to suppress their bullying behavior, they are still bullies and will always feel compelled to behave like bullies.

Once a target always a target.  Although the bully may back off and choose another target, your positive attributes are something that will continue to be very irritating to the bully.  It is important to know that even if your bully stops bullying you, you will always be vulnerable for a second strike by this same bully sometime in the future.

Always watch your back, and never trust this bully again.  It is hard for some targets to truly understand how likely it is that their bully may strike again.  Being back in the fold of their bully’s good graces, and again being included and spoken to by coworkers, feels so good.  The longer the bully backs off, the more confident the target feels, that all is well.  Their perception of the now past bullying and mobbing campaign, seems almost unreal.  The target  may think that this past episode was just a phase, or something they exaggerated in their mind.

Think again!  I am experiencing a second strike myself right now, after being essentially bully free for several months.   This is something I knew would happen, although the longer I was bully free, the easier it was for me to begin to doubt my perceptions.

Simply trying to correct my bully boss’s incorrect understanding about a detail of the process and flow of our work, was enough to put me back into primary target mode.

Once again, my bully boss and her little mob resumed all of their bullying and mobbing tactics leaving me singled out, isolated and emotionally and physically devastated.

Don’t kid yourself!  If your bully boss should back off, chances are it will not last.   Take this time to make as much money as you can while you find another job with a boss who will treat you with the respect that you deserve.

ABC

Single Motherhood and Workplace Bullying by ABC


Single Motherhood and Workplace Bullying. By ABC.

There are two things that three  single Moms wrote in comments on this blog, that I think are significant to our understanding of the affects of workplace bullying.  I’ve never read about these two things about bullied single Moms before, except right here on my own blog.

The first thing that strikes me is that single Moms are seeing the  bullying and mobbing experience a little bit differently than workers without children to support.   They have a different perspective which may work against them getting through this, unless they make a special effort to keep their thinking clear.

When people are bullied, most people take it as something personal that the bully has against them alone.  All three single Moms however, referred to the bullying experience as something that was happening jointly against both themselves AND their dependent children.  Moms being Moms, (I was never a mom but still have one who is 81 years old) all seemed more concerned about the impact on their children than on themselves.    Taking second place to their childrens’ perceived needs, may not be a winning tactic in  a workplace bullying experience.

The second thing about single Moms is that each one of them couldn’t see a way out.  Each one wrote as though there were absolutely no other job opportunities available in the whole entire world, except the one that is making them miserable and they are about to lose.  One single Mom actually already lost her job when she wrote.

A person’s level of need for their job is identified in anti-bullying literature as a factor which makes a person at higher risk for bullying.  The greater your need, as well as gratitude and higher level of productivity, the greater your risk for bullying and mobbing.  I wonder if these single Moms were targeted because they were open about how important their salary is to them.  They may have even mentioned a fear of losing their job, or finding a new job, or spoke openly about their fears of being unable to support their children.

Displeasure from bully bosses can also often intensify when single Moms arrive late or not at all because of problems with their children.  This is something I observed in my own workplace but interestingly, was not mentioned by any of the three single Moms who commented.

It’s important that Moms REMEMBER, this is not really about them! nor about their child!   This is not really personal at all except in a good way.  Bullies hate how good these moms are.  They hate how dedicated they are to their family and their job.  Bullies feel horrible about themselves by comparison, every time they look at a subordinate whose performance outshines theirs.  Read my article “Proud to be a Target”, which is also on this Weblog for more info on that.

Now that you single Moms know that bullying is about what is GOOD about you and is NOT about what is BAD about you, you should realize your potential for better employment.

Keep your mind clear of your bully’s lies and know that the truth about your performance remains the same regardless of a bully’s words.   You, God and dozens of frightened coworkers, also know the truth but are afraid to say anything, not God of course, but the frightened coworkers.   To believers in God, know that He is who made us all with free will in which to choose our behaviors, and it is He who will judge us in either this life or the next, for those behaviors we choose.  Even a moment’s thought of finding a means of revenge, is a wasted moment.  Revenge is God’s job.

Moms are so good at boosting the self esteem of their children.  Mine still does.   So to all bullied single Moms out there, take a look at yourself  and realize what a wonderfully dedicated person you are, to both your family and your employer.  You are so good, it caught the attention of a workplace bully who is literally threatened and  sickened,  just by watching you.   Know the truth of your value as a person and go out there and find the position of your dreams!

Think of all your strengths, talents, and interests and open up your mind to consider completely different job opportunities.   You may come to realize you have talents and strengths which would make self employment a feasible option.   Some people first consider, then move and  start all over again, at a location far from where they are now.   Pray for God’s guidance if you believe, or follow your gut instinct day to day in your mission to find a better means of support, then eventually things will fall into place.   If you don’t make moves to leave your hostile workplace soon, your bully will kill you and I mean that literally.   Don’t let that happen,  please… ABC

PS;  When you finally land that job of your dreams, don’t act so grateful!!   LOL!!

Proud to be a Target by ABC


PROUD TO BE A TARGET by ABC

I have a typical “Target” personality and therefore have been a target of work place Bullying 4 times in my adult life. The only differences between my first and current bully and the others is; different job / different bully. This time around, I finally noticed that the behaviors / tactics were almost identical as if these people went to a class to learn it or they some how knew each other. I called it “leading by intimidation” before I came across the word “Bullying” on the Internet about 5 years ago.

Now that I’ve learned so much on the Internet and from the posts of my anti-bullying groups, I feel WONDERFUL! I am a “Target” and PROUD to be one. If you need a boost to your ego, just read one of the lists of “characteristics” of a “target” on any of the anti-bullying sites. We are all very special people WORTHY of our Bullys’ attention through our above average performance and popularity with coworkers. We are actually a threat to those who bully us by our competence that out shines theirs. One site described “Targets” as the “salt of the earth”!

Click on the links below to read articles on bullyonline that explain – why me?

http://www.bullyonline.org/workbully/myths.htm


http://www.bullyonline.org/workbully/vulnerab.htm
I hope this reading leaves you uplifted and PROUD TO BE A TARGET!. Sincerely ABC

Isolation – A Bully’s Most Harmful Weapon. By ABC


Isolation – A Bully’s Most Harmful Weapon

By ABC

Targets are often chosen by their bullies because of their better than average work performance. Bullies often feel threatened by good performers, because it increases their own feelings of inadequacy and shame. While mentally healthy people applaud and enjoy working and learning from those who excel, bullies can’t stand to see someone other then themselves shine.

Those whose good performance wins the attention of a bully, suddenly finds their successes minimized. Their once valued opinion is no longer asked. Their responsibility for unimportant matters often increases, while their authority is taken from them, often replaced by a bully’s friend. Targets are no longer asked to participate in planning meetings, special projects, or even social events. Important information is no longer communicated to them, as they are intentionally “taken out of the loop”, causing embarrassment and/or some kind of failure due to their lack of what coworkers perceive to be common knowledge. The bully begins a campaign of nitpicking, criticism, and personal insults usually done behind closed doors and in subtle ways. The bully often targets one person at a time, making it hard for coworkers to believe the abuse is real as reported by the target. Often, only the target and the bully themselves, know the true nature of the bully.

The target begins to react emotionally to these abusive changes, which they don’t understand, because there is no real reason other than the bully’s whim, even amusement at the targets distress. Targets often become obsessed by the bully, searching for the reasons for the abuse, that doesn’t exist. The bully points out the targets emotional distress to coworkers, often feigning concern, along with rumors, gossip and half or twisted truths about the target, in order to manipulate others into questioning the target’s competency and mental health..

Most coworkers believe the bully, not understanding that the target is displaying symptoms of an emotional injury, perpetrated by the bully, rather than mental illness as often alleged by the bully. Coworkers then unwittingly participate in the bullying, which is called mobbing. The few coworkers, who may know the truth, usually won’t stick up for the target, to avoid becoming a target themselves.

Isolation is the most emotionally painful experience a mentally healthy person can endure. That is why isolation is a primary tactic used to punish or torture. It is the bully’s most harmful weapon. I remember a Nun teaching in grade school that no one knows what Hell is like. We can only be sure of one thing. If you go to Hell, you will be ALONE.

Read more in the link below about  the affect of social isolation, which our bullies often cause. Isolation results in real damage to our health and well-being. Sincerely ABC

http://www.psychosomaticmedicine.org/cgi/content/full/63/2/273

Revenge, Getting Back at The Bully Boss. By ABC


Revenge, Getting Back at The Bully Boss. (revised edition 5/13/08)

By ABC

I can tell by the search engine stats that my readers are interested in reading something about how to seek revenge against the workplace bully. How do you go about getting back at the workplace bully? A very common question. I have asked myself that very same question dozens of times. The last time was as recently as two weeks ago when a coworker was brutally emotionally bullied. Immediately after, with my outrage still fresh against this senselessness, I wanted more than anything, for the bully to feel the pain that she caused my coworker for no damn good reason at all! At least us victims of work place bullies have a fair reason to want to exact damage on our tormentors. Don’t we? Well yes, but if we intentionally do something that would cause the bully in our life emotional pain, wouldn’t that make us bullies too? Well yes, and that’s only one reason why us targets need to take the higher road.

Almost twenty years ago I learned something from a man named Roy Masters. He runs an organization called The Foundation of Human Understanding. He has always taught that people have a tendency to actually become what they resent. An example being, people who were molested as children have a greater tendency to become a child molester as an adult than someone who was not molested.

Just knowing of this tendency, to become what we resent, leaves me wanting to avoid it, simply by being mindful to do so. To learn more about this principle, and the fascinating teachings of Roy Masters, click on the link to Roy Master’s web site, which is on the blog roll, on the right side-bar of this page.

Another thing that must be considered is the level of pain that the average workplace bully is experiencing already, without our help. Have you ever spent time reading on the Internet about what are thought to be the motives of bullies, causing them to behave in this way? These people are really very mentally or emotionally disturbed individuals. Whether their destructive behaviors are symptoms of a physiological brain abnormality, or whether they are learned behaviors, either way, workplace bullies are not happy people. I suspect that although many of them are incapable of feeling empathy, that they do suffer a type of pain, a kind of pain that we are not familiar with. I believe this pain, this rage, that I have seen in a bully’s eyes, is what drives their destructive behaviors. I believe them to be in a very lonely, dismal place, and deserving of our pity and our prayers.

Although I don’t hesitate to defend myself against a bully, I have yet to utter a cruel lie against one or spread malicious, hateful rumors. It must be considered that it is precisely our reaction to a bully, that will fuel the fire or prove to extinguish it. A major bullying tactic is to provoke a target to anger, then use that angry episode as an example against the target. Being bullied by three different people, in a span of 32 years, I can tell you I reacted in every conceivable way possible. I found out along the way that certain behaviors or reactions are more advantageous than others.

When I was younger, and filled with youthful passion, the senselessness of bullying behavior made me nuts! This too, was way before learning about the phenomenon of workplace bullying and mobbing. When a target knows nothing about bullying and mobbing, the experience they find themselves in, makes no sense at all. It’s creates an emotional crisis, which the target has no experience with. The target may find it hard getting others to believe that their boss is out to destroy them, or to understand the depth of their concern, when accounts of the bully’s issues with the target, often seem rather trivial. And they are trivial. The complaints workplace bullies make against their targets ARE often trivial. The literature calls it “trivial fault finding”. In the United States where most people have never heard the terms “workplace bullying and mobbing”, even the target’s usual sources of support and guidence, often fall short of both understanding and of useful advice.

My less advantageous reactions were made during these early years before understanding the pheonmenon of work place bullying and mobbing. Lashing out angrily is the biggest mistake a target can make only fueling the fire. Don’t give the bully examples of all your negative behaviors. Your bully will use every negative comment against you.

Over the years I’ve come to a place of peace, with the fact of the existence of bullies. I’ve learned to become someone they can no longer provoke. I’ve learned that not reacting, keeps my bully from reacting. If my demeanor is calm and controlled, her’s is. Why? Bullies think in a competitive way. They are always comparing their behavior or performance with that of their target’s, or more importantly, the perception they believe others have. Knowing this, I think she is mindful to behave at least as well as I do. She wouldn’t want it said that I cope, perform or in some other way behave better than she does. Whatever the reason, it’s not really important. What’s important is realizing that my bully’s behavior often mirrors my own, and using that knowledge to my own advantage.

As I’ve matured over the years and through these experiences I’ve become more peaceful as I’ve become less fearful. I now know who they are and what they want. I know they are nothing more than big, bad, old bullies….and there’s nothing scary ’bout bullies no more… Live your life in happiness, and mean no one, no harm. That’s the best revenge there can ever be, is…living life well, despite the bullies… ABC

One Response to “Revenge, Getting Back at The Bully Boss. By ABC”

  1. Its funny, I was curious if there is such away to get even with a former employer with out getting myself into trouble.
    Someone that coldly swiped my life clean right out from under my feet instantly in a very cruel fashion. Ive been in the dark clueless sense, I will never forget or understand what took place. I was threatened and terrified into loosing my job.
    So angry, so grieving, so bitter, so violated, so much hate that I ever had in my life for a person, that I want revenge and feel I cant wait any longer.This is not the true me. This is not my character. At the same time I know that I cant carry this for the rest of my life but I feel the need to get back in such away that it does not cause me trouble or cost me money, like hiring a Attorney. Thats my issue Iam dealing at the moment.
    Its been 7months sense I lost my job. I knew he was preventing me from getting hired. He is fighting against unemployment compensation. So when a mother like me raising a daughter and almost came close to loosing my home and car, almost come close to having no electricity, water ect..Thats enough, I have an iron fist when my childs life is effected. No one takes from my childs life and thats the way I looked at it. I was happy, my daughter was happy.I had everything I was satisfied with in my life. Then suddenly someone can take all that away. How am I ever going to get an Attorney at this point in life when Iam still barely slowy getting back on my feet.? I hear a lot of ugly stories about people who try to fight legally and go through hell for it and could possibly loose more money. Even if I get on my feet eventualy it could take a while to hire an Attorney by then it will be too late. Iam mad and he needs to be sued for the pain, suffering & fear he caused me and my child and loss of money and for all the money I owe people and bills. I say at least 6 -8 thousand dollars.
    Now you see my point but I do see yours because Iam experienced with work place harrasment and my game was to not react, so they get angrier with themselves and I like to see them make a fool out of themselves. The best part of it all, it attracts an audience of glares from others who look at them like they are mentaly sick.
    So thats why I cant believe my behavior out of this. Its not me but I keep visualising this person having such a wonderfull, full filling life. Iam sure he is happy and he is rich. Has a happy family he can support very well. Everyday Iam feeling the need to do something to make him pay for what he put me and my child through.
    I just wanted you to know your website was the first one I clicked on too. I decided not to continue for others options of getting him back after I read this. Someone up there is telling me to keep staying the same person as I always was before I felt like this. Thats the person who Iam and is why I always had many consistant years with employers. I worked for this company for nine yrs except the last 2 of those nine yrs it was a different owner. Though, honestly I still wont forget what Iam still going through because of him. Naturely of course. Everyday is a reminder. Hopefully in time things will look up and maybe I wont care to think of him anymore or maybe there still might be a chance down the road if its not to late to get an attorney.
    Thankyou, Iam glad you were the first website I clicked on to. To remind me of who Iam and I realize I need to not to forget that. I realize he is still controling my life in such away because I let him get the best of me especialy my sanity but I know that if I continue this kind of behavior I could crack up and could damage my thinking process to keep moving forward in a possitive way.

    ——————————————————————————————–
    ABC replies;

    Dear Katie,
    Wow! I could feel the hate as you describe your bully boss! God Bless You! and thank you so much for sharing! I was hoping that somebody would comment on this article and I am so glad that you did! People who have never been bullied need to understand how brutally deep a bully can affect a target’s emotions. People need to understand that targets are in a position in which someone, the bully, is literally trying to destroy them. This deeply affects them.

    If you only read this one article, you may not know that I too, am a “target” of workplace bullying and mobbing and truly empathize with your experience. I too, was perfectly happy, in fact I loved my job, until my bully took all of it. First, everything at work, my management position, my professional reputation, relationships with coworkers and the opportunity to network and work together with colleagues. She even put barriers around my desk at one point, isolating me from coworkers, despite knowing that I am hearing impaired. She worsened my health and emotionally injured me, resulting in anxiety, depression, and PTSD. I had days when I literally went hungry, nearly losing my home to foreclosure, after being on a medical leave of absence for several months. I had become anxious and fearful that my bully boss would fire me without notice, or real cause, and that I would suddenly lose my disability and medical insurance benefits. The stress of all of this, spilled into every aspect of my life, and my marriage suffered horribly. I’ve cried buckets of tears, and lost or wasted so much, in so many ways, all at the hands of a workplace SERIAL bully boss. “Serial” meaning she repeatedly, first chooses, then abuses, then eliminates from the job, a “target”. My anger is therefore not only for myself, but for everyone else, who I’ve seen her abuse.

    There was a period of time many years ago, with a different bully, in which I even fantasized about shooting her through the window of her office, and getting away with the crime. One silent shot to the head. No pain, not even a moment of fear. I thought how generous I was being in my fantasy, by dispatching her painlessly.

    Even in my fantasies, I never really wanted to hurt her, or to hurt anyone for that matter. The difference being, is that people like you, and people like me, are just not bullies. It is not in our nature to be hateful to anyone, not even a bully. Live your life in happiness, and mean no one, no harm. That’s the best revenge there can ever be, is…living life well, despite the bullies…

    God bless you, and thank you for being you, and for not changing who you are, due to the influence of a workplace bully. ABC

  2. Read your response. Like I said, I never went on to look up things for revenge after reading that. I kind of got sick to my thoughts the way I was thinking. Here it is 7months later and every now and then I have a bad day and my reaction of thoughts automaticly kicks in anger and bitterness. Then I start to blame him and wish I could just make him realize what he has put me through. I know Iam not the only one that has problems, and I know that anger is really a waste of energy and has no use and never solves anything but causes more stress and is like carrying baggage through your life. I read so many books on stuff like that too. Why from time to time do I tend to forget or ignore the things I learned not just from reading but working for so many years of my life? I dont know but Iam glad I eventualy catch myself and realize its so childish.
    When I was looking the other day for revenge tactics I was looking for something that I can maybe put out in the media which would be true not lies anyways or some kind of blogs to complain about and to beware of his bussiness. Which would be all true too, hehe. Or something funny that who knows I might have regret it if I got carried away.
    So far Iam still fighting unemployment over him so I know he has to keep replying to them all the time.WEll that isnt really getting back, just a reminder for him everyday he is still dealing with me. I know I would never want to do anything illegal or harm no one. Its not in me. Sometimes I felt I never wanted to give up trying to find away to get back at him in the past first few months after loosing my job. So I tryed complaining to his headquarters, tryed to get help to investigate his bussiness through a news station, complained to the head office of unemployment, sent a complaint to civil rights organization. Guess what? no response. I thought these people must think iam nuts when I truly in my heart thought I had a case that should be looked into. I felt like a fool, like I must be a laughing stock here. I think that is what really got to me then. A couple months go by and again I get into one of my mood swings.
    I just do not think its right that an employer can all of a sudden decides to threaten you and fire you, scare you so much that Iam scared to trust working for anyone anymore. Its because I was not prepared to loose my job this way.So sudden and before you know it the unknown whats going to happen down the road is frightening. He was the only one I had a problem with. Everyone else, that is the employers, were all good people. I loved my job and the people that I worked with. My previous mannager was upset about the way the owner handled the situation with me. At the time he was at another location working while I was working with a manager in training at our location. The owner has severel bussinesses. Anyways he has done some sneaky underhanded things with both the manager and me. Like bouncing our pay checks and tryed to fight it. So sometimes I wished I never worked for him and wished I followed my instincts when I saw the first signs of feeling unconfortable about him and not trusting him. If I had followed those instincts and started looking for another job long ago maybe I would not be in this situation. Sometimes we cant see the future but its here and I just have to move on. I can wish I did this and done that and Its unfair and is not right. This is life and I need to get over it.
    So hey Iam feeling myself again to day and I have to say that so far I did make it this far and still have my home but still struggling slowly. Iam ok and I need to say that there are so many people right now that are out of jobs for one reason or another. Iam sure there are people who are worse off than me. So I do try to keep that in mind. Especialy after reading your website.
    Iam sorry for what you went through, similar to me. Nice to know that we are human and we are not the only ones that hurt right now and while we are healing others are going through their pain and turmoil. You been through alot it sounds like. Thankyou for sharing your experience. So keep your web site going you might be able to help someone again.

Tactics Of A Workplace Serial Bully Boss. By ABC


Tactics Of A Workplace Serial Bully Boss

By ABC

Some bully bosses have no shame and make no effort to hide their bullying behaviors. These are the screamers, ranters and ravers. They may have tantrums, throw things, pound on desks and fire subordinates on a whim. Often they remain in their position because there is no one in a higher position in which to take them down. These are the CEOs of both small and large companies or owners of small businesses. A frequent example is a physician’s or a dentist’s practice in which the doctor bullies his receptionists, nurses, billing clerks, and even the cleaning crew. Most people would agree that people who behave this way are “bullies”.

Then there is another type of bully boss which most people would not even perceive as a bully. The “closet” bully boss is actually much more prevalent and more dangerous than the ranter or raver described above. This type of bully boss is very cleaver in their ability to hide their bullying behaviors and to manipulate the perception of bystanders against the “target”. Most bullies possess excellent emotional intelligence. The thing that needs to be kept in mind is that true “psycho bullies” are motivated in ways that normal people do not understand. Bullies use their emotional intelligence to cause conflict intentionally. They are not interested in building positive relationships, only ones they can manipulate. Much of their bullying behavior is premeditated. They do not possess empathy.

Closet bully bosses are often also “serial bullies” who choose one target at a time. One study showed that after successfully eliminating a target, they chose another target within two weeks. These bully bosses are capable of behaving normally towards all other subordinates and will even behave normally towards the target, whenever there are witnesses. This method serves the bully boss well, making it difficult for others to believe a target. Often, only the bully boss and the target know the true nature of the bully.

Simply stated, “targets” are good at their jobs and therefore cannot be taken down based on poor job performance. Therefore bullies rely on character assassination, twisted, half or outright lies, rumors and innuendo to subjugate or eliminate their target. Read my article “proud to be a target” to understand how bullies choose their targets.

At the beginning of a bullying campaign the target may actually feel favored by the bully boss. The bully boss often befriends their target at first. The target begins to trust the bully boss and may share information about their weaknesses that the bully boss then uses against the target. After the bully boss gains useful information about the target, the bully may try a few “pass-by nibbles” (read the article about pass-by nibbles, on this blog) to test the targets reaction. Then a full blown bullying campaign begins.

In my first emotional assault, my bully called me into a meeting with her and a Human Resource Rep to “discuss my needs”, only to reprimand me for “intimidation of subordinates”, a grossly twisted, half truth. My bully boss knows how strongly I feel about treating everyone, especially subordinates, respectfully. Knowing this about me, she knew it would be especially hurtful to accuse me of just that. It upset me horribly and I couldn’t stop crying at my desk for most of that day.

This reprimand happened behind closed doors. I was warned not to discuss it with coworkers. My coworkers didn’t hear my boss’s lies or hear her calling me a liar. They didn’t see her disrespect me as she rolled her eyes and clicked her tongue at my responses. They only knew I was reprimanded so severely I cried all day. Bullies delight in observing the pain and chaos they have caused and marvel at their ability to get away with it. Next comes the “mental health card”.

After the Bully boss’s first emotional assault the target reacts emotionally as I did. The bully boss then manipulates the target’s coworkers into feeling privileged to be in her confidence. The bully then feigning concern for the target tells of half or twisted truths, placing the targets mental health, competence and/or loyalty into question. It is often what the bully doesn’t say that causes the most damage. For example: The bully boss brings coworkers into her privileged confidence. The bully then cites a half or twisted truths about the target or will imply that the target caused the bully some kind of deep hurt. The bully then mimicking deep hurt or confidentiality concerns, refuses to share details, leaving everything to the imagination. It must be remembered that they are “masters of deception” and can easily convince others of the target’s negative attributes and how the target has caused them personal concern or injury of some kind. They can be so convincing, some convince themselves into believing the lies that they themselves have fabricated.

Coworkers feeling privileged to be of assistance to their deeply hurt boss will do anything the bully boss asks. This is called “mobbing”.

A full blown bullying and mobbing campaign could be a very critical period for the target who has no understanding of the “bullying and mobbing phenomenon”. Targets who are typically good performers and well liked by coworkers are stunned by the first emotional assault, which is often the first reprimand in their careers. They become obsessed trying to understand why first their boss, then their coworkers turned against them, when there is no valid reason at all!

Suddenly the target’s world is a different place, for reasons they don’t understand. Most targets have enjoyed decades of appreciated successes on their jobs, only to be left in isolated despair. Most targets are forced out of their positions within two years of a bullying and mobbing campaign. Forced out by being fired, resigning, becoming ill, committing suicide or going postal!

All of this could be avoided if every working person had a knowledge of “workplace bullying and mobbing”. If this is the first time you have heard of it, learn more about it today. Who knows, you might be the serial bullys’ next target. Hopefully, someday, every working person will learn to Recognize it, Name it and End workplace bullying and mobbing together! ABC

ABC – AntiBullyingCrusador, Why The Alias?


ABC-AntiBullyingCrusador, Why the Alias?

I consider myself to be an Internet Anti-bullying activist. I go by the alias “ABC” for short, or “AntiBullyingCrusador”. I know the correct spelling is “crusader” but I spell it “crusador” to indicate that it’s a name, as opposed to a thing. I use this alias whenever I write about “work place bullying and mobbing”. I live in the United States where the phenomena of “work place bullying” is little known, although many of our work places are fully entrenched in a bullying culture.

I didn’t choose this mission of fighting workplace bullying and mobbing. I would have been perfectly happy if I had gone through my career never having experienced or observed the behaviors of those we refer to as “work place bullies” and those who support them, their behaviors referred to as “mobbing”. But, since I was chosen as a workplace target more than once, and observed the devastating effects on others that were also chosen as targets, it has become a moral obligation to do all that I can do to stop this terrible evil in our work places. I have always agreed with the statement that if you don’t try to stop something that is wrong, than you are a part of it. It’s not as simple as just walking away, at least not for me. Walking away may end workplace bullying and mobbing for me, but I worry about the unknown numbers of targets on the brink of suicide or “going postal”, only because of their lack of understanding, of the phenomenon referred to as “workplace bullying and mobbing.”

My first and primary mission is home care nursing. I am a nurse who loves her job and believes in the mission of the home care agency that I have worked for, for almost 30 years. I resent the fact that bullying and mobbing wastes valuable time that would be better served on our shared mission of providing quality home care services.

I have known my bully boss for over 20 years and have worked with the coworkers who support her for several years. I have developed a fondness for my bully boss and her supporters based on the length of our relationships alone, as well as for their many positive attributes. My bully boss is 62 years old and can retire at anytime. She has stopped bullying me and a coworker in recent months. Although I don’t doubt that she is capable of crushing me like a bug, at any time, if she could, I, being of a different nature, would never do anything to destroy her career this late in her game, unless I absolutely had no other moral choice, that being reason to believe, that she again resumed bullying behaviors.

My real name, My bully’s name and my employer’s, and where we reside, can be Any Name, Any City, USA…it could be yours. It is not my intention to expose my bully boss, her supporters whom I refer to as “little mobsters” in my blogs, nor my employer, and the Human Resource Department that represents my employer. They are all unwittingly entangled in the phenomenon of workplace bullying and mobbing. Whether it be a coworker who turned into one of my bully’s “little mobsters” or a Human Resource Rep. who fails to acknowledge the existence of classic bullying and mobbing, they are all playing their roles, almost exactly as predicted on bullying and mobbing articles on the Internet. It’s all very predictable. My “true stories” are true from my perspective, a target of workplace bullying and mobbing. It all sounds unbelievable I’m sure, but that’s what workplace bullying and mobbing is, Unbelievable! There are millions of people just like me, with incredibly similar stories.

Getting the word out about workplace bullying and mobbing is an important public health message, literally saving the lives and emotional and physical health of unknown numbers of targets. This is my only motive, reaching out to those targets whose health and lives are threatened by their lack of understanding of this little understood phenomenon.

It’s my hope that someday, all working Americans will have a thorough knowledge and understanding of the phenomenon of workplace bullying and mobbing. Let’s recognize it, name it and end workplace bullying and mobbing together! ABC

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