Workplace Bullying – More About Recovery, by ABC


Well Wishes From Reader

ABC, please post a reply and tell us, your followers, how you are doing, or if there is ANYTHING we can do to help you. I don’t even mind calling you. Honestly, your blog has saved countless numbers from more serious consequences from these psychopathic bullies. The serial kind is the MOST dangerous. We care about you…. please post a reply.

ABC Replies,

-Blind-sided by bullying professionals while seeking help with post-bullying job loss recovery-

Dear Readers,

Thanks to all my readers for all the encouraging words after my posting that I finally lost my job at the hands of my workplace serial bully boss.  I want everyone to know that I am feeling better and better each day, by the passage of time and by the support from all of you, my readers, my spouse and the guidance of the Holy Spirit.

It is also a comfort to know that the anti-workplace bullying and mobbing movement, is gaining momentum in the United States due the tireless efforts of dozens of anti-bullying activists, blogs and support groups, growing in numbers every day, the understanding needed, that will one day make it possible, for all working Americans;  To Recognize it, Name it, and End Workplace Bullying and Mobbing Together!

My journey through this experience has put me in a  position to learn more than I ever wanted to know, about the devastating effects of  “workplace bullies” and the “mobbing” behaviors caused by their influence and manipulation of others. This continues to play itself out, presenting a much bigger picture, in ways I never expected, as I go about the business of recovery.

Now, safely separated from the abuses of my workplace serial bully boss, I have been blind-sided by the final brutal tactics of my employer, the company itself, as represented by the Human Resource Department, in the course of the actual legal separation, from my 30 year employment with them.

As is the case with most any type of abusive relationship, my employer has taken steps to insure my silence, having successfully cornered me into a position commonly referred to as “between a rock and a hard place”, leaving little choice, but to sign their papers of “agreement”. My signature, a representation of being silenced by poverty and fear, the document being specifically inclusive of the agreement itself, and everything that preceded it. The signature representing the company itself, a representation of the management’s  knowledge, that even their own written words of  “agreement”  if published, would not be perceived as agreeable by others.  The seal of their abuse,  the requirement of my silence, and made evident by a truth I think most everyone can agree upon, that being;  Gag clauses exist for only two reasons, 1) National security.  2) To hide the truth!

I was then doubly blind-sided by bullying behaviors from 3 different psychiatric professionals I sought help from.  Additionally, being unwittingly brushed off by an employment attorney, followed by denials of my claims for continuation of first short-term, then long-term disability insurance coverage, provided by my employer.

This was all very perplexing to me.  Once again, I found myself  doubting my own perceptions, which lengthened my silence.  Having come to realize, I needed a deeper, more global understanding of the bullying phenomenon, now experienced outside the workplace, as well as needing certainty about my own perceptions, through meditation.

Unprepared to face bullying, called “psychopathy”, outside the workplace arena, I was initially blinded to that possibility as the reason that the 3 different psychiatrists, discarded my stated emotional injuries due to workplace bullying.  Instead, each concluded that I am “seriously mentally ill”, each very confident, about the widely varied diagnosis, they each came up with.  Each also, denied having previous knowledge of the workplace bullying and mobbing phenomenon, a concept which none of them seemed willing to look into, despite my insistence that this was central to my issue.

Their responses similarly hostile in their delivery, left me freshly stunned, the second, and then the third time, as if experienced for the first time. Finally, I came to realize, the similarity of their tactics, were more than just coincidence!

Finding through my research that this is a common problem among recovering targets, it didn’t take long for me to realize, that I missed the hallmark of bullies where ever they may hide. That being the similarities of their tactics, none of which makes sense to the sane.  Why would a psychiatrist, take a hostile stance while telling a seriously mentally ill patient their diagnosis, rather than coax them into the treatment they need? It just doesn’t make sense, a hallmark of bullying behaviors, for sure.

Stumbling across 3 psychopathic psychiatrists in a row, seemed statistically impossible and was hard to get past logically, but is actually easier than I thought, and even easier to explain, given the more global perspective, my research on “psychopathy” in society revealed.

This information, vital to all targets in the vulnerable, final stages, of a workplace bullying and mobbing campaign, will follow soon. In the mean time, recovering targets should take extra care to only seek bullying/mobbing related professional help, from professionals who already have an understanding of the bullying and mobbing phenomenon, and that psychiatrist, additionally, be recommended, by someone who really knows them.

Readers can help in the fight against workplace bullying and mobbing, by reaching out and teaching as many people as you can, about the phenomenon, and the devastating effects on targets and observers  everywhere.  Sharing your bullying stories, questions and comments on this website, is also a great help. The varying perspectives add a diverse quality to the content of the subject matter discussed.  So thanks again for the all the comments and well wishes, and please keep them coming!,

Let’s end it together!,

ABC

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Job Loss due to Workplace Bullying, Taken Down by a Bully Boss. By ABC


Job Loss Due to Bullying / ABC Finally Taken Down By Bully Boss.  Next Step Recovery.  By ABC

I finally lost my job at the hands of my workplace serial bully boss, leaving at the end of November, after being accused of incompetence, based on uncompleted data entry, while working alone on a holiday.  Everything possible that could go wrong, did go wrong on that day, probably the worst day of my entire career.  I worked 11 hours that day, without a break or a meal despite being physically ill with a raging sore throat.

I called the office early the next morning reaching a coworker, and described the problems of the previous day, including how long I had worked.  I told her I would be late, being both exhausted and ill.  As soon as I arrived, I was called to Human Resources, where my bully boss was waiting, with a Human Resource Rep., having been found guilty before I could speak.   Detailing everything that went wrong, made no difference at all, having no witness to attest to my efforts.   She then added to her complaint, my arrival being late, while knowing I worked late and was ill.  Her total lack of empathy,  and disregard for my health, suddenly filled me with a chill, which grew into a fear, by the hate in her voice, thinking her capable of ending my life.  Stating I no longer felt safe, being expected to work ill, I finally left, never returning to my desk.

I had a horrible time with my bully boss for months prior to leaving my job which took a toll on my emotional and physical health.  For the first time in my life, I began having panic attacks, making my mind go blank, leaving me unable to respond to questions.

Since leaving my job, I feel utterly lost and physically and emotionally ill.  I never fully researched recovery after losing a job to bullying, feeling confident that my knowledge of the subject would be enough to protect my emotional and physical health and  prevent losing my job. How wrong I was!


Being a nurse, I logically concluded that I needed psychiatric treatment to help with my recovery, but after being evaluated by 3 different psychiatrists, I feel totally betrayed by that profession. NONE of them ever heard of workplace bullying and none of them seemed willing to take a few moments to look at my website or any other source of information on the subject. All three concluded that I was mentally ill, not emotionally injured, each labeling me with a different diagnosis.

The lessons learned;

-No matter how much you know about the phenomenon of workplace bullying and mobbing, it is almost impossible to make it stop and keep your job.

-Never seek  medical, psychiatric or legal help, for issues related to workplace bullying, from a professional who doesn’t already have an understanding of the phenomenon of workplace bullying and mobbing.

Being “emotionally stuck”, as one reader described it, I have been at a loss for words, leaving me unable to add new content to this website for several months.  But the passage of time in it’s self, is slowly improving my outlook, so keep coming back,  new content will follow soon, most likely about the subject of recovery after job loss due to bullying.

ABC

Workplace Bullying and Mobbing – Lets End it Together!!


Workplace Bullying and Mobbing – Let’s End it Together!!

-See the Comment below, a MUST READ from Teana, a reader of this blog who wrote in response to my article,   -ABOUT-ABC-

Comment:

I HAVE CONTACTED MY LEGISLATURES VIA EMAIL, SO FAR NO ONE HAS RESPONDED. AS A LAST RESORT I SENT LETTERS TO THEIR HOMES ASKING FOR SUPPORT BY SPONSORING AN WORKPLACE BULLYING BILL, SINCE THIS TOPIC HAS BEEN BROUGHT UP FOR YEARS AND KNOW ONE PUSHED THE ISSUE OUR GOVERNMENT NEVER ADDRESSED IT OR GAVE IT ANY SERIOUS ATTENTION. I HAVE AN ANTI BULLYING CAMPAIGN POST ON CHANGE.ORG UNDER  THE CRIMINAL JUSTICE TAB BECAUSE A LOT OF THE BULLYING WE HAVE ENDURED IS A CRIMINAL OFFENSE. AGAIN I ASK EVERYONE TO CONTACT THE LEGISLATURES AND LETS COLLABORATE TO BRING AWARENESS AND HELP EACH OTHER.

Comment by ABC

Let’s join Teana and write to  our legislatures today!

Spread the word about workplace bullying and mobbing !  It is my hope that one day,  all working Americans will know enough about Workplace Bullying and Mobbing – To Recognize it, Name it, and END Workplace Bullying and Mobbing Together!   ABC – AntiBullyingCrusador

Reader Stops Bullying, Uses ABC’s Advice.


Dear Readers,

Below is an edited comment written by an anonymous  reader of this website..  Read this very positive comment in black type, then my response below in red type. Thank you “anonymous” for the compliments, but there is a bit more you need to understand. ABC

I was accused several times a day of wasting his money and being unproductive after months of this the attacks escalated to insults, mocking, his favorite insult was the slang word for the female reproductive organ ( the P word)!!!! . after almost a year of this, I was losing weight, losing sleep and losing my mind!!!.
I may have unknowingly called him to task ( this is before I found your site and realized exactly what was happening) I went in and said to him ” if I’m not making you any money why do you keep me here???” and guess what, he had no answer!!!! now the attacks have stopped since he gets NO reaction from me(something I learned thanks to ABC’s website!!) I now realize that I am good at what I do, if I were not he would fire me. so anyone who is being bullied at work keep your head up and press on, there is hope!! my boss is the owner of the company, there is nobody above him but by following what I learned on this site I was able to stop the bullying!!! thank you for enlightening me ABC, you truly are a an answered prayer.

-ABC’s reply to Anonymous-

Dear Anonymous,

Thank you for the compliments.  Knowledge is power as they say and many targets see improvements in their situations once they gain an understanding of the workplace bullying and mobbing phenomenon.

Understanding that targets are chosen by bullies because of their positive attributes which bullies perceive as threatening, is a relief to know alone.  Then, experiencing results by “not reacting” to bullying behavior, gives a target the false impression that they have this problem licked.  But not so fast, it’s time to take pause, and learn a bit more.

Once a bully, always a bully.  Although bullies may have periods in which they take extra care to suppress their bullying behavior, they are still bullies and will always feel compelled to behave like bullies.

Once a target always a target.  Although the bully may back off and choose another target, your positive attributes are something that will continue to be very irritating to the bully.  It is important to know that even if your bully stops bullying you, you will always be vulnerable for a second strike by this same bully sometime in the future.

Always watch your back, and never trust this bully again.  It is hard for some targets to truly understand how likely it is that their bully may strike again.  Being back in the fold of their bully’s good graces, and again being included and spoken to by coworkers, feels so good.  The longer the bully backs off, the more confident the target feels, that all is well.  Their perception of the now past bullying and mobbing campaign, seems almost unreal.  The target  may think that this past episode was just a phase, or something they exaggerated in their mind.

Think again!  I am experiencing a second strike myself right now, after being essentially bully free for several months.   This is something I knew would happen, although the longer I was bully free, the easier it was for me to begin to doubt my perceptions.

Simply trying to correct my bully boss’s incorrect understanding about a detail of the process and flow of our work, was enough to put me back into primary target mode.

Once again, my bully boss and her little mob resumed all of their bullying and mobbing tactics leaving me singled out, isolated and emotionally and physically devastated.

Don’t kid yourself!  If your bully boss should back off, chances are it will not last.   Take this time to make as much money as you can while you find another job with a boss who will treat you with the respect that you deserve.

ABC

Single Motherhood and Workplace Bullying by ABC


Single Motherhood and Workplace Bullying. By ABC.

There are two things that three  single Moms wrote in comments on this blog, that I think are significant to our understanding of the affects of workplace bullying.  I’ve never read about these two things about bullied single Moms before, except right here on my own blog.

The first thing that strikes me is that single Moms are seeing the  bullying and mobbing experience a little bit differently than workers without children to support.   They have a different perspective which may work against them getting through this, unless they make a special effort to keep their thinking clear.

When people are bullied, most people take it as something personal that the bully has against them alone.  All three single Moms however, referred to the bullying experience as something that was happening jointly against both themselves AND their dependent children.  Moms being Moms, (I was never a mom but still have one who is 81 years old) all seemed more concerned about the impact on their children than on themselves.    Taking second place to their childrens’ perceived needs, may not be a winning tactic in  a workplace bullying experience.

The second thing about single Moms is that each one of them couldn’t see a way out.  Each one wrote as though there were absolutely no other job opportunities available in the whole entire world, except the one that is making them miserable and they are about to lose.  One single Mom actually already lost her job when she wrote.

A person’s level of need for their job is identified in anti-bullying literature as a factor which makes a person at higher risk for bullying.  The greater your need, as well as gratitude and higher level of productivity, the greater your risk for bullying and mobbing.  I wonder if these single Moms were targeted because they were open about how important their salary is to them.  They may have even mentioned a fear of losing their job, or finding a new job, or spoke openly about their fears of being unable to support their children.

Displeasure from bully bosses can also often intensify when single Moms arrive late or not at all because of problems with their children.  This is something I observed in my own workplace but interestingly, was not mentioned by any of the three single Moms who commented.

It’s important that Moms REMEMBER, this is not really about them! nor about their child!   This is not really personal at all except in a good way.  Bullies hate how good these moms are.  They hate how dedicated they are to their family and their job.  Bullies feel horrible about themselves by comparison, every time they look at a subordinate whose performance outshines theirs.  Read my article “Proud to be a Target”, which is also on this Weblog for more info on that.

Now that you single Moms know that bullying is about what is GOOD about you and is NOT about what is BAD about you, you should realize your potential for better employment.

Keep your mind clear of your bully’s lies and know that the truth about your performance remains the same regardless of a bully’s words.   You, God and dozens of frightened coworkers, also know the truth but are afraid to say anything, not God of course, but the frightened coworkers.   To believers in God, know that He is who made us all with free will in which to choose our behaviors, and it is He who will judge us in either this life or the next, for those behaviors we choose.  Even a moment’s thought of finding a means of revenge, is a wasted moment.  Revenge is God’s job.

Moms are so good at boosting the self esteem of their children.  Mine still does.   So to all bullied single Moms out there, take a look at yourself  and realize what a wonderfully dedicated person you are, to both your family and your employer.  You are so good, it caught the attention of a workplace bully who is literally threatened and  sickened,  just by watching you.   Know the truth of your value as a person and go out there and find the position of your dreams!

Think of all your strengths, talents, and interests and open up your mind to consider completely different job opportunities.   You may come to realize you have talents and strengths which would make self employment a feasible option.   Some people first consider, then move and  start all over again, at a location far from where they are now.   Pray for God’s guidance if you believe, or follow your gut instinct day to day in your mission to find a better means of support, then eventually things will fall into place.   If you don’t make moves to leave your hostile workplace soon, your bully will kill you and I mean that literally.   Don’t let that happen,  please… ABC

PS;  When you finally land that job of your dreams, don’t act so grateful!!   LOL!!

Proud to be a Target by ABC


PROUD TO BE A TARGET by ABC

I have a typical “Target” personality and therefore have been a target of work place Bullying 4 times in my adult life. The only differences between my first and current bully and the others is; different job / different bully. This time around, I finally noticed that the behaviors / tactics were almost identical as if these people went to a class to learn it or they some how knew each other. I called it “leading by intimidation” before I came across the word “Bullying” on the Internet about 5 years ago.

Now that I’ve learned so much on the Internet and from the posts of my anti-bullying groups, I feel WONDERFUL! I am a “Target” and PROUD to be one. If you need a boost to your ego, just read one of the lists of “characteristics” of a “target” on any of the anti-bullying sites. We are all very special people WORTHY of our Bullys’ attention through our above average performance and popularity with coworkers. We are actually a threat to those who bully us by our competence that out shines theirs. One site described “Targets” as the “salt of the earth”!

Click on the links below to read articles on bullyonline that explain – why me?

http://www.bullyonline.org/workbully/myths.htm


http://www.bullyonline.org/workbully/vulnerab.htm
I hope this reading leaves you uplifted and PROUD TO BE A TARGET!. Sincerely ABC

Isolation – A Bully’s Most Harmful Weapon. By ABC


Isolation – A Bully’s Most Harmful Weapon

By ABC

Targets are often chosen by their bullies because of their better than average work performance. Bullies often feel threatened by good performers, because it increases their own feelings of inadequacy and shame. While mentally healthy people applaud and enjoy working and learning from those who excel, bullies can’t stand to see someone other then themselves shine.

Those whose good performance wins the attention of a bully, suddenly finds their successes minimized. Their once valued opinion is no longer asked. Their responsibility for unimportant matters often increases, while their authority is taken from them, often replaced by a bully’s friend. Targets are no longer asked to participate in planning meetings, special projects, or even social events. Important information is no longer communicated to them, as they are intentionally “taken out of the loop”, causing embarrassment and/or some kind of failure due to their lack of what coworkers perceive to be common knowledge. The bully begins a campaign of nitpicking, criticism, and personal insults usually done behind closed doors and in subtle ways. The bully often targets one person at a time, making it hard for coworkers to believe the abuse is real as reported by the target. Often, only the target and the bully themselves, know the true nature of the bully.

The target begins to react emotionally to these abusive changes, which they don’t understand, because there is no real reason other than the bully’s whim, even amusement at the targets distress. Targets often become obsessed by the bully, searching for the reasons for the abuse, that doesn’t exist. The bully points out the targets emotional distress to coworkers, often feigning concern, along with rumors, gossip and half or twisted truths about the target, in order to manipulate others into questioning the target’s competency and mental health..

Most coworkers believe the bully, not understanding that the target is displaying symptoms of an emotional injury, perpetrated by the bully, rather than mental illness as often alleged by the bully. Coworkers then unwittingly participate in the bullying, which is called mobbing. The few coworkers, who may know the truth, usually won’t stick up for the target, to avoid becoming a target themselves.

Isolation is the most emotionally painful experience a mentally healthy person can endure. That is why isolation is a primary tactic used to punish or torture. It is the bully’s most harmful weapon. I remember a Nun teaching in grade school that no one knows what Hell is like. We can only be sure of one thing. If you go to Hell, you will be ALONE.

Read more in the link below about  the affect of social isolation, which our bullies often cause. Isolation results in real damage to our health and well-being. Sincerely ABC

http://www.psychosomaticmedicine.org/cgi/content/full/63/2/273

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