PIT-BULL, NO BULLY, “Alpha” – The Real Leaders

Patty - Pitbull No Bully






From a personal perspective .


On the weblog banner at the top of each page of this website is an avatar women, which represents me “ABC”. Beside me is an avatar dog. That dog represents a real dog, who died this past Saturday, the day before Easter Sunday. This article is in memory of her.

Patty was her name. Half Pit-bull, half yellow Lab. She was a year old when we got her at a shelter for unwanted dogs. She had been there for over 3 months after found running loose in the woods. The family who called about her were her suspected owners who just didn’t want her anymore. We found out why..

Patty was very destructive in her early years, eating just about everything in the house that was wood or leather.  She was resistive to correction until we found the magic solution.. a tiny dab of hot pepper sauce applied to her mouth and a firm “no” while pointing out the latest destruction. This being recommended by an old-timer Vet.. the only thing that worked like a dream. Patty then became the pet of everyone’s dreams, soon, not needing the hot sauce at all.

Patty was the most cuddly dog I have ever owned. She would sit on my lap contentedly for hours, all 80 pounds of her. I often woke from a dream that I was suffocating, straining for every breath, waking up to find her lying full length across my body, the heaviest part, her big old head, on my chest.

I remember the many times she sat beside me while I wrote my anti-bullying blogs. My Pit Bully dog that wasn’t a bully at all. She was what literature describes as a true “Alpha” not the “bully” her breeds’ name suggests. “Alpha” means leading but not in an aggressive way. It’s a quiet command of strength and respect. Strangers at our door respected her fully, just her presence put the look of fear upon any intruder’s face. My true guardian.

After 8 long years that didn’t seem long at all, Patty developed breast cancer. She never complained during the several months it took for the cancer to ravage her body. During the morning of her last day she bled profusely through the wounds the cancer had made as she lay weakly on the couch we covered for her in the living room. While watching this transformation I came to the sad conclusion that it was time to put her down. I quietly sang her the songs I had made up for her throughout the years, then told her she would see Heaven today. I took last pictures. One of the best pictures I have of her, I printed for you at the top of this page. Then off to the Vet we went.

It’s ironic how she seemed to spring back to life as she saw me with the leash. The leash and the walk outside that it always promised, her favorite thing, gave her a strength I didn’t think she had left. Out to the car, she agilely hopped into the car, her second most favorite thing. She happily looked out the windows on the way to the Vet and kept her nose to the ground hungrily sniffing every animal who had ever been at the Vet’s, once there. So many smells.. She was enthralled. She didn’t seem to notice my tears nor that of my spouses nor that we were hugging her and saying goodbye. She followed the Vet tech away, out of sight without even looking back. Off to the Kingdom of Heaven. Goodbye for now, until we meet again!





The Day of The Bully and The Saint

The Day of The Bully and The Saint.  

The True Story of The First Brutal Emotional Assault by My Bully Boss.   ABC

Praise God! He gave us a miracle, a REAL miracle! My Husband Mat’s biopsy showed NO abnormal cells, NONE. Less than a month ago the doctor said he’d have to have the bottom third of his esophagus removed, then immediately after the endoscopy, done to plan the surgery, she said we might be able to take a “watch and see approach”. He would need endoscopy tests every 3 months, and NOW, because of the biopsy reports, she’s saying he doesn’t need to have another endoscopy for a YEAR! There are no longer, any signs of cancer!I believe he is truly healed, and not just based on what the doctor is saying. He even LOOKS and feels healed! I swear, just 3 weeks ago after the doctor gave us the bad news and we were waiting for the endoscopy on the 18Th, he felt like a weak rack of bones when I hugged him, and when I looked into his eyes, he literally looked like he was dying. Every day he seemed worse and worse until the night before the endoscopy.


That’s when the miracle began. On Thursday the 17Th, the day I’ll always remember as the day that started with a devastating emotional blow from a Bully and ended with a miraculous healing from a Saint. If it hadn’t been for the Bully, I would have never been led to the Saint.


Mat was at his worse that morning when we got up, this being the day before the endoscopy and I got to work late. My boss knew how upset I was about Mat’s cancer. She emailed me the day before asking that I meet with her and a Human Resource representative to “discuss my needs”. As soon as I came in, I was led to a tiny room, no windows. I had always thought that this room, door always closed, was a closet. It contained just a small round table and three chairs. I felt claustrophobic, then anxious as I realized their expressions and body language weren’t supportive at all, nothing even close. I was afraid, they looked confrontational and I soon realized, as the first words spilled out, that this meeting had nothing to do with support, but had everything to do with taking me down, taking me down hard and brutally, emotionally.


My Bully Boss started by giving me a hard time about being late and then threw in an accusation that I’m intimidating to subordinates like data entry clerks, all younger women than myself. This left me reeling, as I knew these accusations were ridiculous. I’ve always enjoyed warm relationships with these younger women, never having a daughter of my own. They looked up to me and came to me with their problems, but now this!?! I asked what I did that was intimidating and was told they didn’t need to tell me that. As I explained my perspective of my relationships with these younger women, giving examples of my warm interactions with them, my Boss kept rolling her eyes and clicking her tongue for the benefit of the Human Resource representative. I was called a liar as I cried feeling totally stunned and disrespected by all of this.


This specific feedback was especially hard for me because I’ve always been very vocal about how important it is to treat people respectfully regardless of who they are or what the circumstances and about my views against “leading by intimidation” as I called it, before anyone heard the word “bullying”.


Just a few months previously, I spoke to my Boss privately. One of my coworkers confided in me that she wanted to sue the agency. She felt the Boss was nit picking and was yelling at her behind closed doors. I thought it was important that the Boss know this perception, which I didn’t believe. I thought it odd however, that the boss (whom I didn’t think of as a Bully yet), didn’t deny the nit picking. I was then taken aback by her glib inquiry as to why I cared, as she stated that the agency attorneys would take care of it and that I shouldn’t worry. I explained that I cared because my coworker was a person and had been a good worker up until the recent hysterectomy that she was recovering from. I suggested that our co-worker’s performance might improve if a supportive approach was taken and asked her to back off with the nit picking. The very next day I was saddened to hear that this coworker was transported to a psychiatric facility directly from a meeting she was in, with the Boss and a Human Resource representative. I remember thinking how sad it was that this coworker was mentally ill.


Now in retrospect I realized that my coworker was emotionally injured and it was the boss who was mentally ill! I had become her next target!


I ended up working so late that night, having been left unable to concentrate while crying at my desk. There was just one data entry clerk left in the office when I was finally ready to go. She’d only been with the agency a few months so I barely knew her. Mat was just sitting in my office waiting for me. So I went out into the big room where the data entry clerk was, sat down, and told her that I got negative feedback about how I come across to people and asked her how she, and the other data entry clerks feel about the way I am with them. She looked me in the eyes and said, “ABC, you are perceived as a women of God”. I believe that’s the highest compliment I ever got in my entire life. It touched me so much, I cried. I then confided that I was very concerned about Mat and told her about the endoscopy. She asked if she could pray with us which I said yes to. So she came into my office, and the three of us just prayed and prayed. At 9 PM, the security guard said we had to leave, so we went outside where she prayed even more, some of it in tongues! I felt so blessed and Mat did too.


From that day forward, Mat just got better and better and better. Today, he looks NORMAL and when I hug him, I don’t feel his bones any more. He feels strong and firm. He must have put on 20 or 30 lbs. He seems happy again and back to his normal self emotionally and mentally. He’s even been ready for work on time! All of this in just 10 days! I believe our lives were touched by a Saint that night.


I’m sorry I was so wordy, but I’m just so happy to be able to share the story of this miracle with you. The day Ill always remember as the day of the Bully and the Saint.    ABC

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