Comment From Theo Dated 4-9-13
Regarding post; Schadenfreude a Bully’s Satisfaction. By, ABC
“I used to be able to find good information from your blog articles.”
Reply from ABC;
What’s up with the negativity – “used to” ? What’s that suppose to mean? (no pun intended). I welcome BOTH positive and negative comments when they are edifying. Negativity, without the specifics of your perspective, leaves nothing to consider, reply to, or learn from. Negative comments void of substance, are meant to hurt, not help. THIS IS BULLYING BEHAVIOR! But, I will not delete your comment, nor this response, because there is something to learn here.
Dear readers, Take a look at Theo’s comment above. It’s not all that bad really, but it is a perfect example, of what a bully might say to a target. Subtle comments like this, will often go unnoticed by others, as bullying. It was so short, it could have been a joke, who knows, bystanders think, as they put it out of their minds. But the target knows, it was meant to hurt!
Don’t worry though Theo, being the fair-minded person that I am, I wouldn’t call anyone a bully over one comment, but it is important for readers to know, that a comment such as yours, is a red flag. Once a red flag comment is made in the workplace, it’s important to listen carefully to that person’s comments from that point forward, for more red flags.
Once you’ve determined that there are enough red flags which warrant concern, meet with the person in private and ask them the meaning of the comments that were made. Now, this is the good part readers; Their response, will reveal if they are a real bully, meaning they have a level of psychopathy (also referred to as sociopathy) or not.
A bully will NEVER admit that comments were meant to hurt and will never make a sincere apology. Instead, they may suggest that it is your perspective or emotional state, that is at issue. BE PREPARED IN ADVANCE, NOT TO RESPOND AT ALL, TO ANYTHING NEGATIVE THAT THE BULLY MAY SAY – just listen.
If this is happening in a workplace, ask the person if they have any concerns about your performance on the job. AGAIN, JUST LISTEN, DO NOT RESPOND! A real bully may deny any performance issues at all, again suggesting a problem with your perceptions or emotions. This is often the response at the beginning of a bullying campaign.
Later in a bullying campaign, this same question may elicit vague comments or twisted stories about your relationships with others, mannerisms, and/or trivial fault-finding. A real bully, rarely, if ever, has substantial negative feedback related to the bottom-line of your employment, which is the quantity and quality of expected duties and responsibilities, as outlined in a job description, because there aren’t any.
Remember, real bullies, with a level of psychopathy, are threatened by people whose abilities exceed their own. They have no real issues with your job performance, except their fear that others will make this same comparison. Responses may seem cooperative at first, but you will never be able to work things out with a real bully, whose only real desire is to take you out.
Now back to Theo; I have responded to Theo’s comment on this web site, which is what you’re reading. I also sent this reply to his email account to be sure it’s received. (Don’t worry Theo your email address is hidden to other readers). If Theo never responds, or offers substance to his comment, it is very likely, that Theo is a bully.
Let’s wait and see together! ABC
See ABC’s Comment Policy Page. A part of this policy is quoted below;
“Bullying behavior is not permitted on this web-site. I will delete, WITH explanation, any comment content, that reflects the behavior of a bully. Examples include, but are not limited to; name calling, prejudicial statements, hatefulness, and disrespectful statements. Offensive words, phrases and sentences will be hashed-out, with explanation. Suggestions regarding how the intended content or ideas could have been shared in a more edifying way, will be made.”
Filed under: A) WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW / INFORMATION | Tagged: Bully's Response telling, Bullying Behavior, Bullying Comments, Meant to Hurt, Negativity without substance, Red Flags, Subtle Comments | 4 Comments »