Reader Stops Bullying, Uses ABC’s Advice.

Dear Readers,

Below is an edited comment written by an anonymous  reader of this website..  Read this very positive comment in black type, then my response below in red type. Thank you “anonymous” for the compliments, but there is a bit more you need to understand. ABC

I was accused several times a day of wasting his money and being unproductive after months of this the attacks escalated to insults, mocking, his favorite insult was the slang word for the female reproductive organ ( the P word)!!!! . after almost a year of this, I was losing weight, losing sleep and losing my mind!!!.
I may have unknowingly called him to task ( this is before I found your site and realized exactly what was happening) I went in and said to him ” if I’m not making you any money why do you keep me here???” and guess what, he had no answer!!!! now the attacks have stopped since he gets NO reaction from me(something I learned thanks to ABC’s website!!) I now realize that I am good at what I do, if I were not he would fire me. so anyone who is being bullied at work keep your head up and press on, there is hope!! my boss is the owner of the company, there is nobody above him but by following what I learned on this site I was able to stop the bullying!!! thank you for enlightening me ABC, you truly are a an answered prayer.

-ABC’s reply to Anonymous-

Dear Anonymous,

Thank you for the compliments.  Knowledge is power as they say and many targets see improvements in their situations once they gain an understanding of the workplace bullying and mobbing phenomenon.

Understanding that targets are chosen by bullies because of their positive attributes which bullies perceive as threatening, is a relief to know alone.  Then, experiencing results by “not reacting” to bullying behavior, gives a target the false impression that they have this problem licked.  But not so fast, it’s time to take pause, and learn a bit more.

Once a bully, always a bully.  Although bullies may have periods in which they take extra care to suppress their bullying behavior, they are still bullies and will always feel compelled to behave like bullies.

Once a target always a target.  Although the bully may back off and choose another target, your positive attributes are something that will continue to be very irritating to the bully.  It is important to know that even if your bully stops bullying you, you will always be vulnerable for a second strike by this same bully sometime in the future.

Always watch your back, and never trust this bully again.  It is hard for some targets to truly understand how likely it is that their bully may strike again.  Being back in the fold of their bully’s good graces, and again being included and spoken to by coworkers, feels so good.  The longer the bully backs off, the more confident the target feels, that all is well.  Their perception of the now past bullying and mobbing campaign, seems almost unreal.  The target  may think that this past episode was just a phase, or something they exaggerated in their mind.

Think again!  I am experiencing a second strike myself right now, after being essentially bully free for several months.   This is something I knew would happen, although the longer I was bully free, the easier it was for me to begin to doubt my perceptions.

Simply trying to correct my bully boss’s incorrect understanding about a detail of the process and flow of our work, was enough to put me back into primary target mode.

Once again, my bully boss and her little mob resumed all of their bullying and mobbing tactics leaving me singled out, isolated and emotionally and physically devastated.

Don’t kid yourself!  If your bully boss should back off, chances are it will not last.   Take this time to make as much money as you can while you find another job with a boss who will treat you with the respect that you deserve.

ABC