Workplace, Adult Bully or Successful Psychopath, A Matter of Semantics. By, ABC

Most everyone in the United States being familiar with the terms “going postal”, are very much affected by the “workplace bullying and mobbing phenomenon”. Very few however, understand what is really meant by these terms. Most, having only heard mention of adults in our workplaces described as “bully(ies)” and more recently in other life circumstances, but are unfamiliar with what is really meant when an adult is referred to as a “bully”.

People in several other English speaking countries, such as the United Kingdom, Australia and Canada, are more familiar with both the terms and the meaning of “workplace bullying and/or adult bullying and mobbing”. These countries being the first to recognize and determine that “adult bullying and mobbing” posed a problem in their workplaces, serious enough, to both educate and legislate against it. The only problem is that people in these countries use the term “bully” or “bullying” in reference to both the schoolyard bullying of childhood, AND when referring to adults who bully, although they are very different in nature. Most child bullies, being simply immature.

When people in the United States first hear about “the adult or workplace bullying and mobbing phenomenon”, most continue to quickly dismiss the notion of an “adult” who is a “bully” or adult(s) who use “bullying and mobbing” behaviors in the workplace. The word(s) “bully(ies)” seeming just too juvenile and petty to associate with a serious problem between adults. Instead, the word “cry baby” comes to mind in reference to the “target”.

It is not understood, that when the word “bully(ies)(ing)” is used to describe behaviors of an adult, who abuses other adults, the meaning becomes more concerning. These adults are thought to think very differently than most of us, having an absent or diminished ability to experience caring, empathetic feelings for other people. They also derive a type of satisfaction over the misfortune of other people , which they often cause by manipulating others covertly through lies and deception against their target(s), this is called “mobbing”.

People in the United States are more familiar with the medical terms “psychopath”, or “sociopath”, when referring to adults who lack or have a diminished ability to have caring feelings for other people.

But most are unaware, that some “psychopaths/sociopaths”, also happen to be highly intelligent, and are referred to medically as “successful psychopaths/sociopath”. They are “successful” in that their intelligence makes it possible for them to recognize and understand that they think differently and lack the caring emotions that other people express. Most “successful psychopaths/sociopaths” consider these differences as an advantage over others, and carefully learn to mimic the normal emotions of others. Their ability to deceive others, by appearing emotionally healthy, while using half truths and blatant lies is stellar. Their intelligence making it possible for them to remember the complex web of lies they weave, to succeed at deceiving everyone’s perception against their target(s}. Most “Adult bullies” in our workplaces more precisely share the characteristics of “successful psychopaths”.

Although most people in the US know some of the facts about psychopaths/sociopaths, most only know it as it pertains to adult abusers in the news, and in both true and fictional stories and movies, depicting heartless crimes against innocent or random victims.

Many feel confident in their ability to recognize and avoid these criminal personalities, not understanding that the psychopaths/sociopaths they read about or see in movies, only represent behaviors typical of psychopaths/sociopaths of average or low intelligence. Their lack of higher intelligence, resulting in their newsworthy arrests and the stuff of tales of crimes gone wrong.

The truth is, “adult bullies” are more precisely, intelligent adults, with a level of “psychopathy/sociopathy”.  Approximately 4% of the general population is comprised of “successful psychopaths”.  Possibly the greatest hidden threat, that the average American adult, is both exposed to, but knows little, or nothing about.

Learn more about “adult bullying and mobbing” and “successful psychopaths/sociopaths” today!  Who knows, the next psychopathic thriller may play out for real, at your workplace, or in other circumstances, where another adult has some type of authority or other advantage over you!

Workplace Mobbing. Workplace “Little Mobsters”. By ABC

Re-blogged 4/26/15

Forward

“Workplace Mobbing, Workplace Little Mobsters” which is about the second part of “the workplace bullying and mobbing phenomenon”,  was originally published in June 2008 before most Americans even heard these terms.  For most Americans who have never experienced this problem, or observed it close-up, it is very hard to both explain, and for others to believe.  Having both experienced and observed workplace bullying and mobbing, as well as thoroughly researched it, I developed a knack for explaining it, in a way that most people can understand.  After publishing the article “Tactics of a workplace serial bully boss”,  which is about the first part of the bullying and mobbing phenomenon, also written in 2008, I’ve received hundreds of comments thanking me for writing it in a way that people could understand.  It also closely reflected the experience of other targets who read it, some having copied it, to support their own claims of this hard to believe type of abuse.   The “Tactics” article continues to be the most read article on my website daily, making me grateful to God for helping me to reach so many others about bully boss tactics.  Unfortunately,  “Workplace Mobbing, Workplace “Little Mobsters”, never attracted as much attention as I had hoped, possibly because the terms and key words were unfamiliar or because the subject matter is both complicated and hard to believe.  Now that more of us in the  United States have heard of  these problems,  I’m hoping that by republishing, people may gain a better understanding of mobbing, just as the “Tactics” article, helped others to understand bullying better.  If you have not yet read “Tactics of a Workplace Serial Bully Boss”, read it first, before continuing..

Workplace Mobbing.  Workplace “Little Mobsters”. By ABC.. 

Originally published 6/2008

Before becoming a “target” of “workplace bullying and mobbing” I was actually an “unwitting little mobster” for lack of a better term. While writing about workplace bullying and mobbing, I started using the term “little mobster” to indicate individual coworkers who choose to support the bully. So, “little mobsters” are those who participate in hurtful behaviors against targets as a result of being influenced by the bully. The behaviors of more than one little mobster is more commonly referred to as “mobbing” in anti-bullying literature. There are two types of mobsters that I have observed, although not specifically described but referred to in the literature that I have come across. So I started using my own nomenclature.

There is a “bully wanna-be little mobster” and “the unwitting little mobster”. Both are very dangerous and capable of very hurtful behaviors when influenced by the primary instigator known as the “bully”. The difference between the two is the underlying motivation in their participation, and their knowledge or lack there of, of the bully’s true nature.

The “bully wanna-be” is someone who recognizes the true devious nature of the bully and admires this as a quality in the bully. They may become the bully’s first hand man and may look upon the bully as a mentor. “Bully wanna-bes” have the same underlying mental or emotional disorders as a true bully but have not yet become as skilled at utilizing bullying behaviors as the true bully and initially lacks the significant power they need in which to abuse. Often times the bully gives a “bully wanna-be” a measure of power they would not normally be able to achieve on their own merit. Such as promoting the wanna-be unofficially by giving them responsibilities over subordinates, most likely, the bully’s target(s). Once on this path, they are impervious to reform and move on to become true bully bosses in their own right, given time and nurturing by the established bullies.

The “unwitting little mobster” is unaware of the bully’s true nature. These little mobsters have never seen the devious side of the bully. They have only observed and are only aware of the bully’s positive attributes which literally fool them. The majority of little mobsters are this type of mobster. The bully is very careful to pay attention to the little mobsters under his/her control and makes sure not to show their devious side to their unwitting little mobsters. Instead, they gain the trust of the unwitting little mobster by feigning special attention and by sharing what the unwitting mobster perceives to be the bosses confidence. It makes the average staffer feel special when a boss shares their confidences. The only problem is that some of these confidences are in fact lies about one or more coworkers who are in fact the bully’s targets.

The bully boss needs to be extremely smooth to fool the average staffer and uses a number of methods to succeed as well as competence. The first is to swear the unwitting little mobster to secrecy. A little mobster who is sworn to secrecy will never repeat what the bully says and therefore never hears a varying interpretation from that of the bully.

The second method which reinforces the first method, is to feign concern about sharing these confidences by saying just enough against a target, perhaps a half truth, or may feign an undefined deep hurt perpetrated by the target, to shed a negative light on the abilities and/or loyalty of their target. The rest is left to the little mobsters’ imagination. When the imagination is left unfettered by truth, and multiplied by the coercion of a number of other little mobsters, the stage is set to support malicious lies and rumors against the target by the mob comprised of both “bully wanna-be” and “unwitting” – “little mobsters”. Sometimes it’s what is not said which causes the most harm.

While this drama is going on in the background, the routine of the work continues driven by external factors. The bully boss often demonstrates competency, intelligence, wittiness and general ability in her usual duties as observed by most people in public areas of the workplace again literally fooling unwitting little mobsters and most everyone else. Unwitting little mobsters continue to receive preferential treatment and are made to feel special by the bully, as long as they continue to do the bully’s bidding without asking too many questions.

Being the unwitting little mobster that I was, I know this is when people become the most capable of doing malicious things against a bully’s targets, things that they would normally be incapable of, if it were not for the influence of the bully. Using the right mix of charisma and confidence, this influence is often grossly underestimated.

Subordinates who gain the preferential treatment of a charismatic leader are easily hypnotically lured into the bully’s fold often following directives based only on their unquestioning trust and a vague promise of sharing in the bully’s successes, while the real motivations behind their directives are far from noble. These unwitting little mobsters will go down fighting in defense of a bully who knew how to make them feel a little bit better about themselves, and a little bit bigger, all by simple association and unquestioning loyalty to the bully.

Learning the truth can be devastating to an unwitting little mobster whose feelings of privilege are lost when the truth is known. Feeling the profound fool is also a defeating emotion that comes to mind when I remember learning the truth about my own bully. How could she have fooled me for so long? How could I have actually participated in mobbing behaviors by believing the lies of my bully boss even after hearing the perspective of the target? Was I out of my mind?

Although closet bullies do their best to hide their bullying behaviors, the unwitting little mobsters who are actually involved in carrying out the bullying agendas, begin to see the truth. When an unwitting little mobster first sees the bully for what they are, they doubt themselves, not really wanting to know the truth. After all, it had until that moment, been their association with the bully that had been making them feel good about themselves and the job.

Once an unwitting little mobster begins to question themselves and others, the truth begins to snowball into the undeniable and they are no longer unwitting. They wittingly come to the realization that their situation is more complicated than they ever imagined. Learning about the bully becomes a dual effort of learning not only about their own bully’s motivations but about the bullying phenomenon and related topics as well.

Suddenly they are in a crisis unlike any experienced before and one that others know little about. Once they learn about the bully, their less than admirable motivations, and realize their involvement in these activities, a choice must be made. To become a true bully wanna-be, and step up their efforts to follow the directives of their bully? or, not.

Not, is not easy, and often means becoming a “target”. Once an unwitting little mobster knows about the bully, it’s a matter of a short time before the bully knows they know. Once the bully tests their suspicion that the unwitting little mobster is no longer totally loyal, and they fail that test, usually by asking questions of the bully for the first time, then they are no longer an asset to the bully, but instead, the unwitting little mobster has become a threat.

Anyone who is a threat to a bully, becomes a bully’s “target”. Being the “target” of a workplace bully is an entirely different subject, but it is a surprising fact that “targets” of workplace bullies often started off actually supporting them and participating in mobbing behaviors.

Many former or reformed mobsters quietly find other positions before their bully even knows they learned the truth. Most say nothing, only alluding to their loss of respect for their bullys’ and themselves, and their need to move on and away from all of it. Away from the memories of the behaviors of the workplace bully, and from the memories of some of their own behaviors, behaviors that they are not proud of, behaviors they would not have been capable of, if it weren’t for the influence of the workplace bully. ABC

Comments

“basil de roche” <bderoche@.. .> wrote: > > very good !! > > ‘Successful’ big bullying has much to do with skills in drama > acting up, playing the ‘local hero’ for the little ones, for whom special > treatment, even just a small favour, or a smile might mean much. > > One of my ‘little’ ones was so convinced by The Big bully that as well as > becoming > his loyal and unfailing supporter, hanging on his words, learning them by > heart, > .. she became anxious to counsel me, so that at any > opportunity, I might be persuaded how to understand, > and be kinder to her hero, and to urge me to see that he was good and wise > person, > a friend to everyone. She was quite sure that I had misunderstood him, > (although I never discussed him with her) and that I was breaking his heart > of gold. > > His skill in acting the immensely gentle, kindly, poetic confidant to all, > was > truly remarkable. I have never seen anyone, before or since, > appear, (in public), to be such a thoroughly likeable person. > He was ‘gifted’ in this respect. > > She wasnt ever there, of course, when for no reason that he ever explained, > and refused to discuss, he screamed foul abuse at me, or when he smashed the > place up. > Although he is far away now, I still feel the same kind of fear coming back > again, as if Im an > animal caught in a trap, whenever circumstances remind me.

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Prefer not to identify, on July 4th, 2008 at 10:19 am Said: Edit Comment Wrote:

Workplace/Adult Bullying, Good versus Evil. By ABC

After publishing my last two articles, “St. Bernadette, Bullied by Serial Bully Boss” and “Workplace/Adult Bullying From a Spiritual Perspective”, in which I came to realize that there is a supernatural component of the adult bullying and mobbing phenomenon, I came to realize that adult bullying and mobbing, is really just the tip of the iceberg, of the greatest, most important topic, that each of us face, as human beings. That being our relationship with God.

After experiencing and surviving bullying repeatedly, I have finally come to understand a few facts about life, and death for that matter, that I would have never learned, if a bully had never crossed my path. Some things can only be fully understood through living it.

If it were not for the desperation of isolation, caused by bullying and mobbing, I would have never called out to God. If I never called out to God, I would have never learned to recognize His voice through His Holy Spirit, nor received His reply, “I am with you always!” I was never alone in all of this at all!

Reading my experience doesn’t necessarily cause another person to truly believe in God or understand it in the living way that only first hand experience can.

It truly is a war of good versus evil or in other words, a war of God versus Satan and their armies. I have come to believe, that if you are repeatedly being tested by bullying and other problems which you did nothing to cause, that God is allowing it so that you can develop the characteristics needed to be accepted into the body of Christ. This means, at the end of time, you will enjoy Christ’s promises of immortality in the Kingdom of Heaven despite the difficulties you experienced here in this life. That is, IF you learn and choose to reflect the behaviors of Jesus Christ.

All the confusion and lack of understanding that targets of adult bullies experience, is predicted in the Bible. Trying to fully understand a spiritual problem using the resources of the world, such as your education, family and peers, never leads to the deeper understanding, that only a spiritual perspective can provide.

Gaining a spiritual understanding of adult bullying is key to understanding this and broader topics more fully. The way to do this is simple, gain that understanding by reading the Bible, meditate and pray. Ask God to reveal himself to you through His Holy Spirit and ask Him what you should do during every bullying incident you experience.

Eph. 6-10 “For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places.”

Attending church services may help, but be sure to find a church that teaches biblical principles, and be careful! Many churches have strayed from God’s word, and are corrupted by evil. It is a known fact that there is a high incidence of Adult bullying within church administrations and members. Keep God in mind ALWAYS!

Here’s a link to a beautiful song, “Blessings by Laura Story”.  it’s on youtube and shows the lyrics, which explains this principle better than I ever could.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XQan9L3yXjc

God Bless Targets of Adult Bullies everywhere,   ABC

Workplace/Adult Bullying From a Spiritual Perspective. By ABC

No longer employed and disabled for over 4 years now, it seems like adult bullies are still popping up in every corner of my life, by people, and in ways, I don’t expect. I’ve mentioned that fact in a prior post, about a year after losing my job. It’s still happening, 4 years later, they’re everywhere!
Despite reading comments and articles suggesting that workplace and/or adult bullying, is something that continues to repeat its self, I couldn’t believe it, seeing no logic in it and anticipated a bully free life, after the loss of my job. Now I know, how wrong I was! Proven, to myself, beyond a doubt, several times since. Every time, I failed to recognize the initial stages of a bullying campaign, then, falling into the same pit of anger, that always follows, when the havoc of the bully’s deceptions are too deep to deny, and impossible to reverse.
This, and many other aspects of the workplace bullying/mobbing experience, continue to haunt me, while no longer employed. Things happened, that seem unreal and outside of what most people expect, as a natural course of events. Throughout the years I have come across many other targets’ comments expressing this same idea. After a target losses their job, many are realizing in retrospect, that parts of their bullying/mobbing experiences, are difficult to explain and believe, not only to those they tell, but to themselves. When adult bullying/mobbing experiences also continue to repeat themselves, it’s a personal crisis beyond belief!
My adult bullying encounters outside the workplace, are good examples of the second most striking example of how unreal the bullying/mobbing phenomenon is, that being – the similarity of a “serial bully” tactics. The adult serial bullys’ tactics, are the same, regardless of where. Whether perpetrated in the workplace, or in other life circumstances, where another adult, has some type of authority or other advantage, over you.
When learning about the workplace bullying/mobbing phenomenon, I couldn’t believe how similar, other targets’ stories were, compared to my own, down to the tiny details of a bullys’ tactics! Then, after writing some of my own experiences, reader comments reflect this same thought, as they compare my experience with theirs.  See the examples below, quoted from readers’ comments, on this website in response to my article, “Tactics of a Work Place Serial Bully Boss”, written in 2004.
-This sounds exactly like a situation I am in right now.
-I don’t understand how someone could look at my work history and evaluations and believe her
-excellent account of what is happening to me,
-Never knew how prevalent that this serial bullying actually is and how closely my situation matches many of the above scenarios.
-wow this is exactly describing my former DM
-I am crying because this is exactly what has happened to me
-Its like you learn my mind!
This is just a small selection, gleaned from just one article on this website. There are many more comments, expressing this uncanny similarity, of bullying tactics, and target experiences, after each article on this website, especially those, describing examples of serial bullying and mobbing tactics and targets’ experiences.
So why is this happening? While writing about St. Bernadette’s bullying experience, I hit on a piece of the puzzle, that being that at least parts of the bullying/mobbing experience, is supernatural!
Now In the midst of the havoc of yet another new bullying experience, unrelated to my past employment bullying experience, it occurred to me that perhaps adult bullies are really increasing in numbers, and how much I hate dealing with them. Never wanting to hate anything about anybody as adamantly as I hate bullying, I wondered if my hate of dealing with bullies was a sin, and if the Bible says anything about if and what God hates, so I Googled the terms -What does God Hate?- The same answer popped up on the first several pages, listing the websites that answer this question, each points to – Proverbs 6:16-19. Which starts out below –
“These six things does the Lord hate: yes, seven – an abomination unto Him:”
One author in an article titled “Things That God Hates” adds this explanation

“The last part of this verse means that the seventh item is an abomination to God. Thus, He hates all six things listed, but He especially hates the seventh one because it involves satanic scheming.
These seven actions or behaviors are: (1) A proud look, (2) a lying tongue, (3) hands that shed innocent blood, (4) a heart that devises wicked imaginations, (5) feet that are swift in running to mischief, (6) a false witness who speaks lies, and (7) one who sows discord among brethren.
Read the entire article, “Things That God Hates”,

http://rcg.org/youth/biblestudy/0007-ttgh.html

which describes each of the seven actions or behaviors in detail. These details describe adult bullies for sure, especially the seventh involving satanic scheming – “one who sows discord among brethren.” Meaning, people who actually spend time planning discord, not just those who are spontaneously arrogant and rude under stress. Bottom line, GOD HATES BULLIES.
This line of thought led me to Google the terms – Who does Satan Target-
The sites that popped up had more variable results, some very detailed with dozens of quotes from bible scripture. To sum it all up, Satan targets the righteous. Righteous is defined as “characterized by or proceeding from accepted standards of morality or justice”. (on-line -Advanced English Dictionary-app).
One article titled, A Target of Satan’s Envy, by David Wilkerson, says it best, “If you are a Christian who seeks God with your whole heart, you are a target.” Further down, he writes “Yet we know from Scripture that storms and great trials come to all who have truly given everything to Christ: “Many are the afflictions of the righteous” (Psalm 34:19). Moreover, if you hunger after the Lord — if you’re determined to seek him with your whole heart, setting your mind and soul to obey his Word — you will continually be a target of the devil’s envy.” The entire article can be found at http://sermons.worldchallenge.org/en/node/1020 .
From a worldly perspective, work place bullying websites and articles, have always concluded that the vast majority of targets, are the best workers on staff, popular, competent, honest, trustworthy, and many more positive attributes are used in workplace bullying articles to describe targets. One author describes targets as “the salt of the earth”, which is my favorite description, read long ago, by an author I no longer remember, although this term was first used by Jesus Christ as quoted in the Holy Bible. In conclusion, it seems evident that these worldly positive descriptions of targets, coincide with Biblical descriptions of people who are righteous!
The Holy Bible also tells the righteous to expect trials and suffering and to be glad to share in Christ’s suffering as quoted below
1 Peter 4:12-19
12 My dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful test you are suffering, as though something unusual were happening to you. 13 Rather be glad that you are sharing Christ’s sufferings, so that you may be full of joy when his glory is revealed. 14 Happy are you if you are insulted because you are Christ’s followers; this means that the glorious Spirit, the Spirit of God, is resting on you. 15 If you suffer, it must not be because you are a murderer or a thief or a criminal or a meddler in other people’s affairs. 16 However, if you suffer because you are a Christian, don’t be ashamed of it, but thank God that you bear Christ’s name. 17 The time has come for judgment to begin, and God’s own people are the first to be judged. If it starts with us, how will it end with those who do not believe the Good News from God? 18 As the scripture says, “It is difficult for good people to be saved; what, then, will become of godless sinners?” 19 So then, those who suffer because it is God’s will for them, should by their good actions trust themselves completely to their Creator, who always keeps his promise..

So there it is right in the oldest and most widely published book ever, THE HOLY BIBLE! In more modern terminology, adult bullying is spiritual warfare! God hates bullies and targets attract the attention of bullies because they are good, righteous people, who bullies both envy and are jealous of!

Knowing the facts about workplace and adult bullying through secular sources, gave me an understanding of the underlying psychosocial aspects of the phenomenon, but left many gaps and questions which remained unanswered, until I looked deeper, finally gaining a complete understanding, by simply reading God’s words, in the Holy Bible

God Bless Targets of Workplace and Adult Bullies Every Where!

ABC

 

Negative Comment From Reader, Example of Bullying. By ABC

Comment From Theo Dated 4-9-13
Regarding post;  Schadenfreude a Bully’s Satisfaction. By, ABC

“I used to be able to find good information from your blog articles.”

Reply from ABC;

Hey Theo,
What’s up with the negativity – “used to” ? What’s that suppose to mean? (no pun intended). I welcome BOTH positive and negative comments when they are edifying. Negativity, without the specifics of your perspective, leaves nothing to consider, reply to, or learn from. Negative comments void of substance, are meant to hurt, not help. THIS IS BULLYING BEHAVIOR! But, I will not delete your comment, nor this response, because there is something to learn here.

Dear readers, Take a look at Theo’s comment above. It’s not all that bad really, but it is a perfect example, of what a bully might say to a target. Subtle comments like this, will often go unnoticed by others, as bullying. It was so short, it could have been a joke, who knows, bystanders think, as they put it out of their minds. But the target knows, it was meant to hurt!

Don’t worry though Theo, being the fair-minded person that I am, I wouldn’t call anyone a bully over one comment, but it is important for readers to know, that a comment such as yours, is a red flag. Once a red flag comment is made in the workplace, it’s important to listen carefully to that person’s comments from that point forward, for more red flags.
Once you’ve determined that there are enough red flags which warrant concern, meet with the person in private and ask them the meaning of the comments that were made. Now, this is the good part readers; Their response, will reveal if they are a real bully, meaning they have a level of psychopathy (also referred to as sociopathy) or not.

A bully will NEVER admit that comments were meant to hurt and will never make a sincere apology. Instead, they may suggest that it is your perspective or emotional state, that is at issue. BE PREPARED IN ADVANCE, NOT TO RESPOND AT ALL, TO ANYTHING NEGATIVE THAT THE BULLY MAY SAY – just listen.

If this is happening in a workplace, ask the person if they have any concerns about your performance on the job. AGAIN, JUST LISTEN, DO NOT RESPOND! A real bully may deny any performance issues at all, again suggesting a problem with your perceptions or emotions. This is often the response at the beginning of a bullying campaign.

Later in a bullying campaign, this same question may elicit vague comments or twisted stories about your relationships with others, mannerisms, and/or trivial fault-finding. A real bully, rarely, if ever, has substantial negative feedback related to the bottom-line of your employment, which is the quantity and quality of expected duties and responsibilities, as outlined in a job description, because there aren’t any.

Remember, real bullies, with a level of psychopathy, are threatened by people whose abilities exceed their own. They have no real issues with your job performance, except their fear that others will make this same comparison. Responses may seem cooperative at first, but you will never be able to work things out with a real bully, whose only real desire is to take you out.

Now back to Theo; I have responded to Theo’s comment on this web site, which is what you’re reading. I also sent this reply to his email account to be sure it’s received. (Don’t worry Theo your email address is hidden to other readers). If Theo never responds, or offers substance to his comment, it is very likely, that Theo is a bully.

Let’s wait and see together! ABC
See ABC’s Comment Policy Page.  A part of this policy is quoted below;
“Bullying behavior is not permitted on this web-site. I will delete, WITH explanation, any comment content, that reflects the behavior of a bully. Examples include, but are not limited to; name calling, prejudicial statements, hatefulness, and disrespectful statements. Offensive words, phrases and sentences will be hashed-out, with explanation. Suggestions regarding how the intended content or ideas could have been shared in a more edifying way, will be made.”

St.Bernadette, Bullied by Serial Bully Boss. By ABC

St. Bernadette Soubirous of Lourdes. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

It’s been over three years since the loss of my job at the hands of a workplace serial bully boss, and her little mob of supporters. Without pause or doubt for a moment, I believe it to be the worst experience of my life. Most targets, and only targets, would agree with this perspective. A true understanding, only born out of actually experiencing this strange brand of hidden hatefulness, first hand.

Now disabled since the loss of my job, I’ve had adequate time to thoroughly review both my memories and the many documents that validate my experience, during the last years of my employment. It still, seems so unbelievable to me!

Having always been anchored by my Christian faith, I spent endless hours in prayer and meditation re-examine my own behaviors and motivations as well as trying to understand the perspectives of others involved. Throughout my recovery, I continued to be haunted by memories of people involved, who couldn’t believe that what I was saying, was real, despite having known me for years.

What was the bully doing, to make others believe her, over me? I finally came to a knowing, that although bullies (also called successful psychopaths) are truly experts at deception, it’s simply not logical to believe, that any one person, is capable, of so thoroughly changing the perceptions, and manipulating the behaviors, of so many people. Yet, they do, over and over again.

Successful psychopaths fool millions, like Hitler did, or thousands, like investors robbed by big business, or maybe just a few dozen, in a few hundred thousand work places, across the country. It happens all around us, all the time, but we never see it, when it’s happening, it’s only seen in retrospect.

I have come to believe, that there are some aspects of the bullying phenomenon, which are supernatural, and that it is, literally, spiritual warfare!

This all came together for me, after coming across an old *book I have about the life of my favorite saint, Saint Bernadette of Lourdes, and rereading it for the third time.

Saint Bernadette lived during the 19 Century and is most famously known for the healing springs at Lourdes, France. The site, where Bernadette experienced 18 apparitions of the Virgin Mary, during what was described, as “ecstasies”.

Extremely poor, illiterate and chronically ill, she was just 14 years old when our blessed mother revealed to her this healing spring where millions continue go, till this day, seeking healing from physical illnesses.

Although many spontaneous and unexplained cures do occur at the spring, most pilgrims are not cured of physical illness.  Instead, many come away spiritually renewed, gaining an inner knowing of how to suffer right.

The gift of the miraculously healing spring, is what most people remember most about Saint Bernadette’s story. What is not remembered, is Our Blessed Mother’s primary message for both prayers and penance, for the forgiveness and conversion of sinners, and how Bernadette, as an adult, was a perfect example of doing just that, despite a special type of challenge, that many of my readers can understand –

After the apparitions, Bernadette, lived on to serve God by entering a convent, where she not only vowed to a life of poverty, chastity and obedience, but as a bride of Christ. Through God the Father’s divine providence, she became a perfect example of how to share in the passion of Christ’s suffering, with joy!

Although it is well-known that Bernadette suffered horribly from asthma and tuberculosis since childhood, her physical suffering was not thought to be her heaviest cross to bear. Her road to sanctity, was surprisingly at the hands of what we now refer to, as a workplace serial bully boss! Really!

The bullying by Mother Marie-Therese Vauzou,  extended over a period of 11 years.  At first, in her role as Mistress of Novices, then later, as the Superior General of the order. This is a fact that even I didn’t notice, until looking into this favorite saint’s life for the third time.

This diminutive saint, never wanting to draw attention to her self, was later described as a “victim soul”, having endured what we now call “bullying” by a superior who emotionally abused Bernadette as well as several other subordinates throughout her many years as a leader of this convent. Mother Vauzou is described as arrogant and jealous of Bernadette, having been favored by God, over herself. She is a typical serial bully boss, described, as sharing all the usual attributes that bully bosses are known for.  She was a perpetrator of a type of emotional abuse that we now know goes unnoticed by most.  Perhaps that in its self, is the most important part of this story. How hidden, and unnoticed adult bullying really is.

During beatification testimonies, most everyone acknowledged observing the severity of her treatment as it occurred, but no one ever questioned it or tried to stop it, for reasons that no one was able to explain in retrospect.

Learning that my favorite Saint was a hidden target of a horrible bully boss confused me. Why would God allow that?  I found it impossible, to write the final lines of this article for publication until I knew the answer, why!

After months of further reading, I came to realize that every Saint I had ever read about, suffered both physical and mental pain. This came to an understanding, of why God might allow Bernadette to suffer such cruelty.

Bernadette, wanted more than anything else, to be a Saint. She was known to have said so, on several occasions. She strived for perfection, hoping to earn an eternity in heaven. Jesus Christ, was THAT WAY, the ONLY WAY.
Bernadette completely surrendered her will and soul, to Jesus and God the Father’s divine will. She came to learn to depend on Jesus, alone. Jesus was her all, only Jesus.

Jesus taught followers to expect suffering and persecution, if they were willing to give up every thing, to follow him. Although Bernadette had her fair share of physical suffering through disease, it was unlikely that she would ever experience persecution. Who, in a devotedly Catholic country, would persecute some one, believed to be a saint? Perhaps, the hand of God was involved.

I now realize that Bernadette knew this, and likely felt blessed, not vexed, like I did, when she was able to fully experience persecution at the hands of a bullying nun. This also explains, how Bernadette was so easily able to maintain her composure, never once seeming upset or angry, (like I did) when bullied. Instead, she always expressed gratefulness for her superior’s correction.

I now believe, that divine intervention is very much involved in the bullying and mobbing phenomenon. Looking at both my own experience and that of Bernadette’s, circumstances occurred in ways, that are just too unlikely to occur merely by coincidences. For example, who would think it possible, that a superior of a religious order, could be so cruel? 

I regularly read the Bible,which I call the magical book. It’s the only book, that teaches you something new, every time, you pick it up.  Since coming to understand the supernatural aspects of the bullying/mobbing Phenomenon, words I never noticed in the Bible before, now standout as examples. Have you ever noticed that the bible makes regular mention of God changing the perceptions of people? Such as, God closing peoples’ ears, eyes or minds, from hearing, seeing or understanding something? It stands out all the time to me now.

Now knowing,that God is very much involved, all my silly questions about the bullying and mobbing phenomenon have answers. Who’d have thought?

I know it’s been a long time since I last posted, but I now feel back on track. More articles will follow soon. There is so much more to learn, from Bernadette’s bullying story. So stop by, or RSS this site, for more new articles.

God Bless you all! ABC

(Rev.   20:12) All persons that can comprehend between good and evil will have to stand before the Lord; nothing is hidden from the eyes of the Lord.

Bibliography: Saint Bernadette Soubirous 1844-1879 By Francis Trochu, Pantheon Books 1957 – This book was the primary source of factual information used in this article, although never directly quoted.  Having also used Internet articles and other resources such as the Bible, it has always been my practice, to write my own impressions, using my own words and style of writing.

Tactics, The Bully Boss’s First Brutal Tactic by ABC

Tactics, The Bully Boss’s First Brutal Tactic

by ABC – AntiBullyingCrusador

Do you think you may be a “target” of a “workplace bully?”  If so, you probably are and I would like to offer my congratulations!  First I will explain how you can tell for sure, then I’ll explain why this can be thought of as a event to celebrate.

The most amazing thing about workplace bullies is the similarities of their tactics.  I was so perplexed  by this at first.  As I met one bully after another through my first decade of employment, I came to realize that although the bullies I encountered, didn’t know each other, or have any other shared history, it seemed as though they did.

That’s a hallmark of a workplace bully, the similarities of their tactics. It seems as though these people are some how related to each other or went to a class to learn the art of workplace bullying.  Once you know one bully and understand the “workplace bullying and mobbing phenomenon”, you’ll be prepared for the next one.

Targets usually come to the realization that they are being faced with a serious problem on their job, when the bully boss suddenly turns against them after an initial period of being very nice.  One author described this as the “honeymoon phase”.  Targets are often treated so nicely at first, that they feel favored.   This tactic gives targets a false sense of security and potential with increasingly high expectations for the future on their job and with this boss.  This first tactic or maybe I should say “attack”, is especially brutal for a number of reasons and intentionally made so by the bully.

The way serial bully bosses get to know their intended next targets are similar to how a serial killer stalks their intended next victim.  Both the killer and the bully need to know their intended target/victim’s weaknesses.  What are their vulnerabilities?  How will the predator snare the prey into their traps.   Bully bosses focus in on their intended target’s emotional vulnerabilities.  They are expert at feigning shared values and encourage emotional intimacy.  The unsuspecting target responds to this by sharing everything the bully needs to know to take them down.

This very first tactic is the most difficult for many.  It was for me.   Suddenly being turned against by someone you thought favored you is very confusing.  Why would someone do that?  It just doesn’t make sense.  The pure insanity of the usually ridiculous accusations that these bully bosses come up with, are yet another hallmark of what targets can expect.   Accusations are rarely related to the bottom line, which is productivity, or numbers of completed tasks and quality of those completed tasks.  Instead, accusations are related to a target’s appearance, mannerisms and vague references to interactions with others.  Examples or concrete evidence of real work deficiencies are rarely produced and when they are, are exaggerated, twisted and taken out of context.  A bully boss will never tell a target who made the accusations because the accusations were never made!

In fact, any talk about the  job performance of a target by others, is most likely very positive.  I know this about targets because of what motivates bullies in the first place. Bullies are compelled to behave this way because of physical or emotional mental disorders.  Some bullies have personality disorders, which are abnormal physical differences in their brains when compared to a normal brain. These physical abnormalities rob them of their empathy and their ability to think in ways that most of us do. Other bullies had harsh childhoods leaving them with feelings of inadequacy and shame.  A subordinate’s good work performance will gain the attention of a bully who has fears that their own inadequacies will become more evident to others by the bases of comparison.

It’s amazing how consistent bullies are in this respect as well.   They consistently choose the best people on their staff to target.   Through the past few years I have read hundreds of  emails, comments, and questions from targets of workplace bullies.  The targets that I have interacted with, consistently and just about always, seem solid and intelligent in the way they express themselves.   You would think that a web site about bully bosses would get all kinds of angry, disgruntled, stupid comments and  responses.  It has NEVER happened, can you believe it?

Bullies are also thought to feel satisfaction or some kind of pleasure when they elicit a troubled emotional response from their targets.  If you think you detected a little smile on your bully’s face during a confrontation, you are right.   The bully is literally happy that they were able to upset you.

It is not possible to reason with a bully about any of the issues or accusations that they make.  It is not their intention to resolve issues.  Their intention is to drag the target into battle with them in order to subjugate, control, then force them out of their jobs.  No amount of effort on the target’s part will change the bully’s behavior.

Trying to work around the bully by reporting bullying behaviors to superiors or to Human Resources are also usually a wasted effort as the bully’s ability to convincingly deceive the perception of others is expert.  The denial by their supporters is deep.

Workplace bullies are dangerous to the emotional and physical health of every target they choose.  Whenever faced with danger it is always logical to put distance between you and the source of the danger.  Whenever possible, the best advise is to  QUIT THAT JOB !!   But hold on just long enough to find yourself another job.

The best way to hang on to a job until better options are found is to NOT REACT to anything the bully says or does.  This takes the joy and fun out of bullying.  The second thing targets should be mindful of is being especially kind and helpful to coworkers.  Never badmouth your bully boss.   Instead, show concern and seem perplexed by bullying behaviors.  It’s really tough for a bully boss to take down a well liked employee.

Lucky for you if your bully writes down a lot of their insanity in emails they send to you.   Many bullies favor the use of email in which to harass their targets with.  This is referred to as “cyber-bullying”.   If your bully uses email, forward all of the emails to your home computer.  On your home PC add in a comment section at the bottom, then document details of the incident that the email refers to.  Doing this keeps things sane for me.  Every time I look over the emails and my added comments, I validate to myself how real and how crazy this stuff is.  Unfortunately, not many people have an understanding of how devastating workplace bullying can be but sharing some of these emails during an exit interview, may some how help someone.  It would be even better though, if workplace bullying and mobbing became illegal.  What could be better than the bully’s own written words to prove a case?

Once a target learns about the phenomenon of workplace bullying and mobbing and understands that they were chosen by a bully because of what’s good about them, they can move on realizing  how likely it is that they will find another job, with a boss who treats them with the respect that a person of their caliber deserves and should expect.

So to all new targets of workplace bullies, Congratulations in advance for your new positions and for being the very special people that you are.   Sincerely,   ABC

“Schadenfreude” – A Bully’s Satisfaction. By ABC.

“Schadenfreude” – A Bully’s Satisfaction.

By ABC

Have you ever noticed a little smile sweep across your bully’s face just at the moment when you couldn’t feel more infuriated?  Well if you have, you are right.  “Real” Bullies, and by that, I mean bullies with a level of psychopathy, also referred to as sociopathy…

“gain satisfaction through

antisocial behavior”, characterized by an abnormal lack of empathy combined with strongly amoral conduct but masked by an ability to appear outwardly normal” –
-quoted from Wikipedia at this link:    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychopathy#Perceptual.2Femotional_recognition_deficits

Although this resource uses the word “satisfaction” to describe

what  “a psychopath gains through their antisocial behavior”, it is an entirely different kind of  “satisfaction” than both defined and  experienced by most of us.  “A bully’s satisfaction” is a perverse form of satisfaction,  being malicious in nature, rather than joyful or positive, as defined in English dictionaries.

There is actually no English word which links personal “satisfaction” to another person’s misfortune or harm.  Such a word doesn’t exist, because most people, are incapable of thinking in those terms, while denying the existence of the  few, who do.  Some languages acknowledge those few, having words for them, like the German word;

“Schadenfreude”

–noun
satisfaction or pleasure felt at someone else’s misfortune.
Dictionary.com Unabridged
Based on the Random House Dictionary, © Random House, Inc. 2011.

————————————————————————-

— n
delight in another’s misfortune

[German: from Schaden  harm + Freude  joy]
Collins English Dictionary – Complete & Unabridged 10th Edition
2009 © William Collins Sons & Co. Ltd. 1979, 1986 © HarperCollins
Publishers 1998, 2000, 2003, 2005, 2006, 2007, 2009

————————————————————————-

“What a fearful thing is it that any language should have a word expressive of the pleasure which men feel at the calamities of others; for the existence of the word bears testimony to the existence of the thing. And yet in more than one such a word is found. … In the Greek epikhairekakia,  in the German, ‘Schadenfreude.’ ”

As quoted by Richard C. Trench, “On the Study of Words,” 1852

So there it is!  “Such a thing exists”, two languages having words, thereby “bearing testimony to the existence of the thing”, namely, “a bully’s satisfaction”, words of my own, for lack of a more fitting,

Image via Wikipedia

existing, English word.

“Schadenfreude” – “A bully’s satisfaction” – Remember the meaning well, if not the word(s), because the meaning does exists, even where a word for it does not, in the memory of many who have witnessed it.  Only some cultures, witnessing it enough,  to name it.

I wonder if the Germans came up with this word, before or after the Holocaust?

Adult Bullying in The Wake of the Tucson Shootings. By ABC

Image via Wikipedia

In the wake of the Tucson shootings, “adult bullying” in the United States has finally come forward as a recognizable topic in the media.  Although greatly misunderstood, and called by many other names, the issue of “adult bullying” is now a hot topic of public interest, with multimedia coverage and information sweeping across the nation daily.

President Obama has called for “Civility” in “political rhetoric”.  All sides are standing-down, putting their political agendas on hold, while the bullying behaviors of the political machine, continues to spin unabated and unrecognized as “bullying tactics”.  All the while, an entire nation of bystanders, watching, but not really seeing, that those hoping to gain, by pointing the finger of blame, are at the very core, of all that is wrong, when adults bully other adults.

“Adult bullying” is primarily about perception.  The “adult bully”, by this I mean a person with a level of “psychopathy”, is centered on how they are perceived and compared to, by others. Using tactics such as blame, twisted or half-truths, innuendo, gossip and lies, they are expert manipulators of people’s perception, capable of throwing an adversary’s character into doubt, while elevating their own political, social, or professional standing.

Firmly rooted in reality, able to reason, cope and distinguish the difference between right and wrong,  adult bullies, while having a level of psychopathy, mimic the normal behavior of others, and are not considered mentally ill in the usual sense of the word. These “successful psychopaths” have the appearance of emotional health, while having a diminished or absent ability to experience caring feelings for other people, instead, experiencing a type of satisfaction, with the misfortunes of others.  Our social denial, that people with such serious hidden flaws, really exists, and are a real threat in our day-to-day lives, adds to the prevalence and success of adult bullies, to do harm everywhere.

Can you spot the adult bully(ies), I mean the REAL bully(ies), with a level of psychopathy in this controversy? Here’s a hint; It’s not Sarah Palin.

Learn to Recognize it, Name it and End Adult Bullying and Mobbing Together!

How Can I Stop A Workplace Bully? ABC Answers Your Questions.

ABC Answers Your Questions

How Can I Stop A Workplace Bully?

Anonymous, on October 20, 2010 at 3:43 AM Said:

Hi I am being bullied by my area manager , I am so stresses idont know what to do or who to go to for help .I cant really pin point what it is that she is doing but she makes me uncomfortable and I am constantely waiting for something to expload .My co worker and myself used to enjoy going to work , work was our second home ,the people their are our family ,we have worked there together for the past 13 yrs and this is the first time we feel stressed to go to work not knowing what is going to happen.we fee lshe wants to get rid of us as we have been there for too long, infact this is what I am hearing from other managers.how can Istop this.

ABC’S Reply

Dear anonymous,

In answer to your question –  By the time a person begins to realize that they have become the target of a real workplace bully, it is already, almost impossible to stop it!

When I first learned that I was a target of  a  “workplace serial bully boss”, the literature I came across, only gave targets like me, a 20% chance of keeping their jobs, while an estimated 80%, lost their jobs within two years.  Now, after reading hundreds, perhaps even thousands of articles, target and observers accounts, together with my own observations including the loss of my own job to bullying, I find these estimates to be optimistic at best.

I was devastated by these dismal statistics but was determined to keep the  job that I both loved and excelled in for over 25 years.  Knowledge is power as they say, which led to an almost obsessive desire to find, read and understand everything I could find on the bullying/mobbing phenomenon, fully believing, that once I understood it, I could beat it.

I learned that Real Bullies, are literally compelled to destroy their targets, due to a level of psychopathy (also called sociopathy).  They are not just arrogant and rude, but are hateful,  incapable of empathy and  normal caring emotions for others.